Monday, July 31, 2006

You're a star in nobody's eyes but mine

I'm feeling very full. Not that I ate alot but I think it was because Hit, Jill & I bought this 473ml Ben&Jerry Pfishe Fudge (or something simliar) & we dugged into it. Hmm maybe not dug, that sounds too disgusting & crude. Nontheless, I don't have to tell you that all Ben&Jerry(s) are delicious, do it? So today was Cca phototaking. We were scheduled at 4.40pm (so late) & we had cranky photographers (who spoke hokkien to convent girls & were too rude). Good thing is that we took many preeeeetty photos :)

I dknw what got me here, but I know this is a very random entry. So pardon me. I am now getting determined to study very hard. At least I know where I'm heading.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Would you care if you're the last one standing here

Just occured to me that it'd been a week since I wrote an entry. Each day I wake up I feel as though I've been injected with depressant. The dosage is overwhelming. It makes me tired. This had been a horriblyhectic week. Even though monday was a holiday & this was only a four-day study week, I'm beat. Three mock exams & a class test. What is this man. Other than mocks after mocks, chemistry lessons, I feel that school is a waste. I could have been more productive at home. Even if it meant sleeping for days. At least I could get some rest I'm so badly deprived of.

There're many things I wanna say but it just happened that I'm having brain-block. Maybe I should have some good news to activate my cells. Congratulations to the C'div girls. They topped their pool & will be playing their Semifinals next week. That's something we're all proud of. What we missed, I hope they'll get it back. Get it back for us, work your way to the Finals.

Just something that cracked (rare chance) me up today. I was telling Jaspreet how much I wanted a 100k for some mad-shopping. I (lied) that I was going to try my luck on 4D. Youknw what she said? She was like, "No need la. Just go look at the Longan fish". Omg she calls luohan fish longan. So now, everyone I hope that cracked your miserable day. Pass it on :)

Unfaithful by Rihanna is a nice song :)

Madeline, I'm really sorry for just now. It was a silly accident. I swear I didn't meant for it. It was a honest mistake. Don't worry, you're still preetty as ever. & trust me, the tiny bump will go away very soon. I'm really feeling very bad. You've been the best & you've one of the most beautiful soul I've come across for a long time. & I said that not just because I'm a sweet friend but really, I mean every bit of it. Good is good is Madeline. Really, the guy that gets you next time is lucky shit. What can I say? You're the best.

Favourite Girls,
everytime you hear the rolling thunder
you turn around before the lightening strikes
& does it ever make you stop and wonder
if all your good times pass you by?
I don't hold no mystery
but I can show you how to turn the key
cause all I know is where I started
so downhearted & that's not where you want to be.

Imma always here & forever love <3

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

You lift my burdens, I'll rise with You

The moment I stepped into school today, I suddenly felt that my time left in the school was little. Not that I'm gonna miss the school or anything but it just hit me hard that my time is running. Frankly speaking, I've lost all my motivation & drive to study hard like I did last term. No, I did not burnt out. I guess although I don't mention it, I was really disappointed with my Maths results, for the amount of effort I'd put in. I dknw how to put it. I know to fight disappointment/failure is to work harder but my confidence level is now depleting to zero. This is such a trauma. Anyone, please pray for me.

I guess this whole Dsa issue is coming to an end. So much of talking, discussing & considering the friendship factor was tough. It's good now that all of us knows where we're heading next year & it thrills me to move out of this hellhole to a hopefully better environment & the next phase of life. We don't have much to discuss about our choice of Jc & even get upset or confused over our decisions. I think it's happening to many teams in many schools. All I know now is that I'm gonna have Carolyn, Hitomi, Madeline & Nicole Benny with me at Sajc & that's enough to keep me happy (& extremely thankful). But Bernetta, Jillian & Marissa, I will not forget you girls. As long as we all know that we'll always be Favourite Girls, nothing will separate us. I still have to say this cause I can't stop saying & however much I say, it can never contain all of my thankfulness - I thank God (Jesus) cause He has provided for me.

So just an encouragement (not that I'm doing great but it's good to share) to all those out there who're struggling with the trauma(s) of life. Look forward & never forget to dream cause dreams do come true. When you feel that life's a bitch, look to the night sky. Look at the stars, look how they shine for you :)

"It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord & sing praise unto Thy name O most high." Ps 92:1

Friday, July 21, 2006

Love me do, I love you do.

This has been an hectic week. With so much homework & mock papers thrown in, there's not much time for me to be online (explains my silence on blog). Even history is starting to take it's toll. Guess I've been released from the computer-addiction. I'm starting to dislike school even more :( My time is runnnnnning.

Today is Sing to the Dawn. We shoudn't have bought tickets Gala-night. They gave us a million & one rules of what we can't wear. So we're expected to be in hmm, evening dress/gown? I don't think I'm really bothered I'm gonna wear jeans & somehow make it look formal.

Favourite girls, many things are happening, sometimes not the way we want it & even taking it's turn but no matter what may happen, just follow your heart & believe in your decisions. There're some things we can't change. Although I can't keep my mouth shut & keep whineing that I want all of your presence next year, I truly still support all the decisions made. Happiness is where our hearts are right? & maybe separation will draw us even nearer? I dknw what to say but let's just look forward to the next phase of our lives alright? I give you girls my Best wishes <3

Just printed Dsa phase2 form for Madeline & I should be off to meet the girls for some odd-shopping.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

& I was a kaleidoscope

I'm so knackered by school. Glad that it's friday tomorrow but then again, there's one more long day to go (plus chemistry practical that starts at 3.30pm!). That's late & I don't like it. The (kafkaesque) mock exams are starting next week & there'll be many late days in school. The crashing pressure really killjoy. But I can do it cause I don't believe you can activate your sterotype on me. You're not gonna win that from me.

Don't mind what people say. Hold your head high & walk away.

I do not like sterotypes. I stress on, do not. So if you think you (I dknw who you are but if I know I'll get my ass right to you & catfight wityou but if you're someone I know then I'll be sadly disappointed) wanna sterotype me or maybe think that I'm not good enough for certain things then please do come to me & say it into my face. I am wierd? Yes I absoultely think Imma wierd too. But I feel that I have less kooky brains than you. If I wasn't good enough or shall I put it as I don't deserve it, do you think things will come easy on me? Btw it didn't & it wasn't easy. You can't be better off if you can open your mouth to make such sterotypes. Cause all you see/think is a backward thought (too many possibilities now) of where I should be. Yeah maybe I was lucky & you buggers just fell short of that least bit of luck (or maybe you just ain't good enough). Damn you.

& no, this isn't a case of spamming.
Maybe it's just my periphrasis.
I'll just throw it all away. Sorry & Goodbye.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

& I'm thinking of you, I do every year
When we count all our blessings
& wonder what we're doing here


Am feeling so cramped up. Today was my first day at sick bay, for three lessons. Had some good talking with Joanne :) Anyhow, Mdm Zuraida told us that school ends at 12.30pm next friday cause it's the opening show for musical, Sing to the Dawn. & the consecutive monday will be a holiday (polling day hol). Am so looking forward to the extended hols. Chinese listening is next monday & youknw what? I'm now searching frantically for my entry proof. Goodness me, I hope I'll find it.

Give me all you feel, throw it away. Think about the good things no matter what they say. We'll take tomorrow one day at a time.

Monday, July 10, 2006

& nothing will I fear as long as You (Jesus) are near

I wanna shout, no screeeeeam to the world & proclaim that I have a great God. So just now Mr Ben Soh from Sajc called me to tell me that my dsa application has been approved. There ends all my dsa worries. & also adds on to my faith & I will keep studying harder & harder. Youknw why God is so amazing? He's too good to me, too merciful to a wretch like me. Seriously, I (used to) take each day as it comes (some say happy-go-lucky), I used to think only for today, not even worrying for tomorrow. But God is so gracious, He has paved such a beautiful way out for me. I saw things in poor light but He sees things afar & make all things good in His time. Really, He is my comforter, deliverer, provider, my ever-present help in times of need (never been forsaken). I have such great privillege to be a child of God. What can I say? Jesus, You're in control.

Zidane was such a disappointment. What was that silly mistake for? It caused damage to the nation's pride.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

& I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'll understand


It's not like I'm shutting my eyes or heart to all my faults. It's not like I don't admit my wrongs. I tried to smooth away the difficulties but there're snags everywhere. Which is the right side of the cloth? There are faults on both sides. Who is without faults? Well, if there was one person, it definetely wouldn't be me. Life is not all beer & skittle. The moment we gave our first cry, we're all liable to sins. No one gets a chance to start on a clean slate. I'm no special & so what makes me?

Okay I've been thinking hard & I figured I need/must start a study group asap. I need to get down to serious work & I can't do it at home. Too many distractions (eg, bed). We can do serious work from monday to thursday then friday we can go hunt for food at night. Maybe we can call it a Eat-Books-Club. That's wishful thinking on my part. I'm not sure if any of you wanna do it. Another alternative is someone please open up their house for me to study after school. I dknw what hit me but Jennifer was the first that came to my mind. Anyhow, this is not exclusive (although I would like to keep it small) so if you're interested just let me know. Seriously, you can be anyone (no sick ah-peks that is).

Was watching the third placing game yesterday & I felt that Germany, with all the hardwork & extra effort they put in (plus roaring fans & undestructable national pride) sort of deserve to be playing in the finals. Not that Italy don't but I feel quite a pity for Germany. Then in the game last night I saw the bravest (best quality) side of the human heart. That fighting spirit & courage (sorry if i'm wrong) can be best & most seen on the sporting field. It's stronger than the wind, louder & fiercer than a lion's roar & the heart/passion beats faster than a cheetah run. Such braveness will be seen in great sporting heros. Hopefully France will get to celebrate tonight. This world cup I've conqured/controlled all my urge to bet. Braveness, isn't it? Hur.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

This world has been crying for so much more

Youknw watching the Portugal vs France game really reminded me of something. Only realised it when the game ended. It happened exactly to us in the semi-final. Well we were "Portugal" and we gave away a penalty in the first-half and "France" in our case was St Nicks, scored & the final scoreline was a painful 1-nothing. So if everything goes the way it went for us then I think France will win (I wanted & France will win). Btw the penalty scored was a blast & boy we can't deny that Zidane at age 34 is still such a sexy (& strong) beast, can we?

Anyhow, that was just some random thought that came to my mind after the game. Am suffering from major cramps (damn the period) so I gave school a miss cause anyway there isn't many lessons. Considering that chinese o's is over and all we do for chinese class (double period today) now is talk. This weekend I must dig my drive (to study).

Am craving to eat at Chomps. Anyone? Ring me.

Well it's the weekend once again & may I just prompt you to count your blessings for the week? Cause God is everyday merciful, give Him Glory!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Growing Pains - Everything we were has become what we are

Sweetest Sixteen, MADELINE!
Sweetie, I swear like the stars & the moon in the sky, I'll always be there. Really do not know express how much I appreciate you in my life. Remember all the hockey trips overseas, camps, trainings, late nightouts, dinners, BBQ&stayover (huge spider! & permed hair!!), shopping, phonecalls, deep&heartfelt-talk(s) & of course Obm Lumut(!!). Trouble times you were there & also to share the good times. You've been such joy & wonderkid. I wouldn't want you missing in my everyday life next year (youknw what I mean). I wanna scream a loud THANK YOU! From the depths of my heart, I thank God for you. All the best loving & wishes (study hard, get a happy job, marry a good husband, give birth & let me be their God-mother okay deal!) from me & as long as I live it will never change.

Apparantly anyone who'd taken their Chinese O'level Oral will tell you that they blew it. Well at least that's what I've been hearing. & no, it's not comforting to know that others are blowing it up (just as I felt I did). It is really that bad? What I gotta say to those whineing is that stop struggling with the I-killed-my-Oral-thus-will-do-badly feeling. Just let go la!

Interview at Sajc today & I guess it was pretty alright although I expected more of myself. Anyhow, I should just work hard, pray & let God do the rest. Today was a tired day. I think because I woke up at 3am to watch the WC semi-finals. Was waiting to eagerly & excitedly to see penalty shootouts then Italy just had to score at the last two minutes to kill my eagerness (& also killing Germany). I figured that if I can apply such discipline (force myself to wake up) & eagerness to my studies, it would have been brilliant. I'll be trying. But I guess it was a fair win cause Italy have really excellent ball possesion & super-sharp tackles. Also not forgetting the two beautifully side-net goals. Germany shouldn't even be sad (maybe disappointed) cause I think they played well, pressuring Italy at every ball & holding on so tight till the end. Makes me miss the competitiveness in the pitch.

& also not forgetting to congratulate the juniors for their first victory in their first game. Saw the hockey blog on their win & it reminded me so much of the good times (oh sweet victory). Keep the goodwork & keep soaring!

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Missed me while you were looking for yourself out there

England game was a major disappointment. So full of nonsense & perhaps drama. Germany vs Argentina was much better. At least there was exciting penalty kicks last night but poor kicks from England just now. Conclusion: I wanted England to win but they lost :(

Suprisingly I'm not feeling tired so I shall watch the 3am game too. Hockey alumni gathering tomorrow & I'm gonna make salad. So I gotta wake up early to cut & wash the stuffs. I don't know why I'm blogging & I don't want to talk anymore. I am feeling pissy & grumpy now. I shall use the iSqueez (& iPamper are two new luxurious items at home). Thank God.