confessionals

it's been awhile since i'm back from lumut. okay but not to mention that all our hearts are somewhat still back there. ohwell. life back home is great. i've everything i want & everything comes so easily available back here. but life just feels different after coming back from lumut, in both good & bad ways i think. i'm always wondering why.

met up with lydia yesterday night in town :) so nice to see her. but we didn't have much time with her. hope to see her & everyone soon. everyone in oyp, come to sg okay. missing you guys a whole damn lot! :(

i'm overspending alot, especially the frozen cash & i think i should stop. december just started & i need cash especially chrissymas. these few years'd been bad cause i don't really feel the christmas cheer & spirit anymore. i want party party party! when i was a kid, i was always soooooo excited & happy about christmas. for Christ the Saviour was born & is to come.

okay okay. i shall stop here & tell the christmas story another time alright? stay tune my loves.

you're my sunshine

back from OMB LUMUT yesterday. this is the best camp i'd ever had. i think i've leant alot & grown from this camp. first two days of the camp was more of ice-breaking & getting to know others. then we did rope climing & the basics of kayaking, building tents & setting fire. the first expedition for my group was the kayaking(sea) expedition. we kayaked to pulau pangkor island, did abseiling & camped for a night there. then it was the solo camp. i'm so lucky to get my tent next to the waterfall so i could bath. the camp was supposingly supposed to be alone(solo) but we ended up having more like a picnic & talked alot. then when the instructors came, everyone scrammed back to their tents. & they're so sweet they brought me food they cooked for dinner cause i can't start a fire. the night was so freaky i kept wondering if there are animals around my tent. by seven pm it was pitched dark so i went to sleep. the night alone was so damn long & time seemed to pass too slowly. the last expedition was the land expedition & it's the most enjoyable & memorable one for me. we trekked in the jungle. we slided, skidded & fell in the mud & even got leech bites. we had to trust each other so much & that really bonded the team. we got to the campsite just when the was about to start & we put up our tents just in time. we made a bonfire & talked till past midnight. i was trying to sleep outside the tent & i can't sleep. it's really cold & too many mosqitoes causes too much itch. then lastly was the cultural exchange programme & campfire night. we took speed boat to pangkor island & shopped there. i dknw how but i got high during the bbq night so i pulled bernetta & carolyn around and make them groove to the music. haha. at the end of the night, jillian & i got too emo when we sang auld lang syne, we cried.

anyway, my watch changed the lyrics of the songs & dedicated it to nizam & lydia as our performing item -

you treat us like leaders
you gave us hints as clues
you shone the light of love on us
you gave us answers we don't trust
you opened doors that close
in a land that anything bites
but we'll still love you like was always do

thank God we found you
we would've been lost without you
out every fear was washed away
when you came by & showed your face
you brought the laughters
completed the journey
we're overwhelmed by gratitude
never ever will we forget your love

i enjoyed the trip to the fullest. two words; satisfactory, excellent. every single bit of it, i love it. to think that i actually dreaded going before i even went. now i would have regretted my life if i missed out on this wonderful camp. it's so sad we all gotta leave; especially coming back to singapore. i made many new & good friends. goodbye is always the hardest to say & i hate it cause i can't keep my emotions from spilling so i cried. sentimental attatchments always keeps me grounded & it's always the case when i can't let go. but i'm sure that all the friendships built over in the last ten days are not gonna end just there. who knows, it might last us ten years or a lifetime.

now i appreciate everything i have so much more. i've grown from being an uncontented girl, to a happy & satisfied girl. i've got everything i need to have, even more. & i've God, so what more do i really need, seriously. i give all thanks to God for this putting me through this camp, giving me wonderful instructor, course assistant, watch members & of course listening to my prayers in times of fear. God is so amazing. i will be still & know you're God.

back in singapore & now i need to do shopping. i need new shoes & clothes. by the way, if any of you come to singapore to shop, give me a notice or a ring. i'll bring you around. lets hit the malls!

longest yard

this is my last entry before i leave for eleven days in lumut tomorrow morning. & now i know i'm so gonna miss my comfy bed, computer, the new huge plasma tv & stereo speakers which i blast my music & the everbest people around. well, at least my favourite girls (always in my heart) would be with me on this trip. thank God.

anyway, my heartfelts...

to people back here, take care & we'll all be back.

to people i've taken for granted, thanks for always standing by & i'm sorry i never seem to appreciate you but i do, really.

to november, thanks for this holidays.

to God, thank You for Your mercy, grace & love. Father, You're King over the storm. i stand in awe of You.

satisfied with this.

special team

i wanna make you feel beautiful

hockey workshop in school today. it's really fun, interesting & highly entertaining. especially the first part where was introduce ourselves to mrs quek-tan. she seem really nice. yknw what? she said that she's a combination of miss quek & mr tan. haha cause before she got married, she was miss quek. then she married a mr tan so she became mrs quek-tan. interesting. anyway, i'll try my best to remember & name everyone but sorry if i missed you out okay? there's too many to remember.

NICE nicolette, MERRY marrisa, CRAZY charisa, JOYFUL jillian, BEAUTIFUL bernetta, XTRAORDINARY xinni, MAD madeline, BRIGHT brenda, PASSIONATE priscilla, CHEERFUL carolyn, HAPPY hitomi, SENSIBLE sushmita, DETERMINED dora, HAPPY-GO-LUCKY hanwei, FRIENDLY ferlissa, TALKATIVE tay weizhen, SUPERSTIOUS shihui, YOUNG yingying, JOVIAL jeniffer, CRANKY charmaine, NONSENSICAL nicole, JOYOUS jeslyn, OBEDIENT ona, VERY HARDWORKING vanessa, KIND kimberly, MUMBLING melanie, EXCITED elizabeth, CLUMSY christabel, ROUGH rouqi (kim tan), WIERD wenli, PLEASANT priya, LANKY lyn li, CARING chiang yinghui, LUCKY lorraine & ROWDY rahmuna. I LOVE JENIFFER THE MOST. SHE'S SO CUTEEEEEEEEE.

haha omgosh i think it's so funny, don't you think so? we have wierd but unique people in the team. & i just found out today that kimberly's chinese name is rou qi. haha that sounds so soft, gentle & sweet. so unlike her. haha.

then we did some vision & goal setting for the team. we wanna be the best, not the second best. the sec3s came out with triple G' -
GO GOLD GOAL. GO!
now the word gold will run in our blood till we win the championships next year.

after the workshop, queensway with my favourite girls & then back home. i'm gonna sleep now then pack for lumut. one more day & it's the eleven days lumut trip. briefing in school tomorrow in miss emily's classroom.

rhapsody

training yesterday was simply, one word; awesome. haha for the first time in sometime, i don't feel tired at all during training. maybe because hit, jill & i ate alot before training at black canyon & island creamery. haha hit & i ate two ice-creams. & that certainly satisfied my cravings. then after training we went to serene center again & pigged out. ate at macdonalds & hit ate another ice-cream so that makes it three ice-creams in a day. okay now that reminds me of how sinful yesterday was. have you heard of hip-hop ice-cream? hit says that it can dance. haha such a sexy ice-cream. i wanna try it.

carolyn, i can't stand the golddigger song anymore. stop saying it's nice & funny.

Lord, You're King above the storm.
i stand in awe of You.

better days

sometimes i really think that life is just plain miserable. like nothing, nothing ever goes right. seriously almost nothing. & everytime trying to fix things just ends up getting more destructive than help. sometimes i would rather not know what's going wrong. then at least i wouldn't end up all miserable trying to find a way to fix things. maybe it's a wrong approach. but it can't be wrong everytime, can it? something really wrong is happening to my life.

why isn't christian life smooth sailing, happy & easy? wouldn't it be great to live each day with a smile throughout the day, without having to worry or have bad thoughts crossing your mind at all? just staying happy, giving thanks & praising God. think of it. even if that could happen for just a day, that day will be a perfect day. have you ever wondered why life as a christian is just like people with any other religions? we still have problems, worries, still meet with trails. this is the time when God wants us to draw nearer to Him. like i always say; the ending of man is just the beginning of God. that's simply because life on earth is a preperation for eternity. of cause God loves us & he would less like to see us suffer. but remember that everyone, everything; good or bad that comes into our lives, God has His amazing & beautiful purpose for it. nothing happens without a reason in Him.

whenever you feel that the world is crumbling & falling down on you, pray. God is just a prayer away. God's love is the only thing that can free us from all the weight of the world. that is what is & will keep me going until God grants me a grace & mercy to solve my problems. cast your burdens unto Jesus, He cares for you.

i'll take my chance

when i feel like i'm lost
something tells me
you're here with me

just got home from club training. we did our beep test today & i didn't do too well. haven't been training much till this two weeks & stamina is down. okay i have to & i will improve by the end of november. anyway, training was alright. it was kinda strenuous. i need to improve. alot, damn alot.

open house today was quite quiet & boring. we didn't have much students visiting us so we kinda entertained ourselves. at first we were watching all our past trainings & games videos. we all had funny hairstyles. those were the days when mr balbir was still with us. i felt so sad when i saw him on the video. the memories just flies back. i still miss him alot alot. but i'm thankful to God that at least someone as special & precious as mr balbir was in my life for two superfantastic years. those were the good old days. i really really miss him. frigging alot alot alot. too deep to feel.

okay then after the videos, we played some crap game. haha we were kicking the floorball & trying to score into the chairs. in the end, the game ended up more like a cat-fight. we were pulling, pushing, kicking, tickling, each others' everywhere. haha damn funny & it's duper fun. haha it is still making me laugh.

anyway, the first dose of malaria pills for lumut trip starts tomorrow. everyone please remember to eat. i bought the elle bag that i wanted for quite some time.

have you ever wondered why is growing up so tough & unfair? i'm trying very very hard to learn but this world is just too superficial. i'm really sick of all the unfair & wrong judgements about things & me. i really am. yknw why growing up is tough & unfair? go figure, then tell me.

i'm gonna watch pride now. maybe it'll trigger some happiness.
shopping with the usual chicks tomorrow.

long forgotten

unwell - matchbox 20

all day staring at the ceiling
making friends with
shadows on my wall
all night i'm hearing voices
that i should get some sleep
because tomorrow
might be good for something

hold on i feel like
i'm headed for a breakdown
& i don't know why

i'm not crazy
i'm just a little unwell
i know right now you can't tell
but stay awhile
& maybe then you'll see
a different side of me
i'm not crazy
i'm just a little impaired
i know right now you don't care
but soon enough
you're gonna think of me
& how i used to be

see me talking to myself in public
& dodging glances on the train
i know, i know
they've been talking about me
i can hear their whisper
& it makes me think there
must be something wrong with me

out of all the hours thinking
somehow i've lost my mind

talking in my sleep
pretty soon they'll come to get me
they'll be taking me away

this song kept ringing through my head & it never goes. i'm posting it & i hope it'll stay here & stop bugging me longer. enjoy.

-

tomorrow's open house. well hope that everything would go goody. i'm so tired now.