let my heart be changed, renewed

i know it might be a little late to say these, but,
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY YINGYING.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARISSA.
HAPPY SPIRITUAL BIRTHDAY, CHARISA.

yingying & marissa:
hey darlings. hope you'd enjoyed your birthday eh. although exams are round the corner and it's not a good time to enjoy all you want, but at least it's better than me. it beats having to celebrate your birthday with exams, doesn't it. yeah, i celebrate(actually i don't) spend my birthday every year since i was young with books and exams stress. so, hope you two enjoyed your big day eh. hope it was kickass. LOVE MUCH.

worn out and faded, the weakness starts to show.

yeah, 24 april'd become another special day of my life. today's my spiritual birthday, meaning, i got baptised into Christ today. five of us, jiemin, zoeleen, jeffrey, cyrus and i were baptised. it was quite fun and nice. the wind and waves were damn big, it almost blew us away. yeah, so we can start our communion next month. and so, i official belong to Christ now. it's no longer i that live, but Christ that lives in me.

sunny days, where've you gone?
i get the strangest feeling you belong.
why does it always rain on me?
just cause i lied when i was fifteen?

anyway, my family and i are going through a spiritual battle. yeah, it sounds scary and i thought it would never happen to me, but it did. uncle cheng hwee told us that before we get baptised, we might have to go through a spiritual war. i didn't understand the meaning of it, until recently. satan is around, trying to mess our lives up. zoeleen and i were baptised today and we were the new numbers who belong to Christ. and so, satan is unhappy and is trying to mess things up. granddad seem that he became quite ill today. he'd to go for a lung xtray and he'd this long tube that went in through his nostrils, all the way to his liver, where his gall bladder is. and there, the nurse will try and suck out the bile every two hours. it looks so disgusting and pain. imagine a tube inserted from your nostrils all the way to where your live is? sigh. granny is most affected by it. she cried like mad when she sees it. i'm sure it's God's will and amazing things'll happen. it's a tough battle, but Christ'd overcome satan, so well, we'll just have to commit everything to God, stand firm in our faith, and pray.

yeah, it's high time to grow up, charisa, grow up.

i'm waiting on the sunshine, the sunshine.

friday nights and the lights are low
looking out for the place to go
night is young and the music's high

it's friday night and i just came home from studying at somewhere nice and rather peaceful. and i met up with weiting. wait, i waited almost two hours for her okay. ohwell, i wonder what i'm doing. it's rare that i'm home this early on a friday night. but the damn mid years are in two weeks time and i need to do well desperately, so i shall not complain.

the worst things about exams is that it stretches to two over weeks. and by the time it ends, it'll be this time of the month again in may. which is still one whole month from now. why can't they just slot the subjects with two papers into one day? it's like making it seem so long. and yes, i hate it.

yes, i'm feeling damn depress recently. mid-years are coming, friends problems, granddad's hospitalised, getting scolded everyday at home, super moodswing and pmsy and the worst thing is, i'm getting baptised and i think i don't deserve to, cause i've drifted so much from God. i just feel as though i can't stay at home. i feel so condemned by the world. i'm sick and tired. so don't ask me why, just leave me alone, all of you. it'll do me alot better then all of you pestering me and asking me if i'm alright. thanks for the concern, but i really need the quiet. and i tell you now, i'm not okay. so leave me alone. please. please.

if my life is for rent and i don't learn how to buy
i deserve nothing more than i get
cause nothing i have is truly mine

fate ran it's course
i suffered my loss

sigh, bad news and good news today. both are too damn sudden. so tell me which i should say first? maybe i should talk about the good one first. my cousin's in the labour ward now, give birth to her triplets. two of them are girls and one is a boy. that's how cool and nice right. so i'll have two new nephews and one new neice. yeah, i can't wait for their arrival to the world please. okay, now to the bad news. my granddad's hospitalised. and he needs to go for an urgent operation to remove this lump that grew in his intestines. i hope the lump isn't cancerous and it doesn't spread. granny is so worried that she cried non-stop ever since she returned home. this is bad.

this whole incident reminds me of the significance and how fragie life is. it's this amazing and pain cycle that everyone will go through before we meet our maker; birth, old/ill, then finally leave the world. although we often say that this is a cruel world, but since we're in this world, we just have to make the best out of it and live it to the fullest. and i'll continue to make my granddad's life the most fulfilling one, anyone would wish to have. yeah, may God bless and heal with His healing strength.

anyway, mummy was nice today. she promised that i can go and do/fix my hair after the mid years. and i'm looking forward to it, cause i can't wait to have nicer and smooth hair. can't wait please.

cause it's burning me
holding on to this

i often wondered if love was an illusion
just to get you through your lonliest days

this shall be a random post, cause i've nothing much to blog about. except that i'm pretty damn excited that i'm going to get baptised next sunday. yeah, but being excited's beside the point. actually i just need something to fill up my first paragraph, so this is it.

i shall reveal the latest and biggest kickass update about myself recently. i've so many new eyecandies now. i've five or maybe to be precise six eyecandies now. and i feel so fly when i think of either of them. haha cause i think all of them are quite hot, and exactly as hot. so i can't make up my mind just to chose one. actually i don't mind having any of them all to myself. haha. i know i'm greedy, but eyecandies are just too lovely to look at, i don't even think you wouldn't want to look, so how can i resist? oh, someone please tell me i'm greedy : )

okay, i'm off to do my overdue assignments. hope i can finish them by this weekend. so i've got to rush now.

LOVE MUCH.

they say i'm crazy
and it's probable true
but i'm at my happiest
just when i see you

why can't we make it just right
a love without end

just reached home from friendly game with acjc. and i injured my ankle again, cause jennifer was trying to clear the ball in the 'D' and she hit right on my ankle. so it swell up again. sigh. WHY AM I ALWAYS SO PRONE TO INJURIES ON MY ANKLE? looks like i've to missed another week of running my 2.4 test. and miss quek will be angry again. but for all i care. haha.

i finally gave nicolette her ice cream treat just now. game was at six, so we went to serene center, macs. met majella and her friend there, and some crazywierd things happened. ohwell.

lower sec basketball girls are getting on my nerves. they're so annoying and so rude. why must they play basketball every morning? so passion? it's not that the hockey girls are against/sterotyping the basketball girls, that's why we complained the other time. we sat nearer to the goal net, obviously means that we don't want you all to play. why? few good reasons; the further we sit, the more space you all have to play and more chances of hitting people. the further we sit, you all will play around us, and the ball also have more chances of hitting others. and the best reason, the ball always hits people. if not us, then the other girls. if it doesn't hits anyone, we would've cared less and you all can play all you want, but these isn't the case. you think only the hockey girls are unhappy that all of you play in the morning? sorry, but i say, no. other girls are also unhappy, ask them. so if you think you're that great and even have to show us your attitude when we ask you not to play, then please. if you want to scold me/us, then please have the guts to see your basketball teacher with me/us. if you think that all that you're doing is right and we're wrong for accusing you or whatsoever, than let's see a teacher and reason it out okay? stop the gossiping/senseless remarks that are going around. yeah, and sorry if i scolded you all just now. i was just out of agitation, but you girls put me on my nerves, so there.

sigh. i'm tired, very. school workload plus art as an extra subject is no joke. now i'm thinking back of why i was so ignorant to listen to advices, and chose to take art even still. now i'm stuck with very very heavy workload, and when it comes to o's next year, it'll get worst. tell me how. sigh.

anyway, sas vs acsi was six-nil. yeah, and the boys are sad.

i need some rest now. i'm off, sweethearts.

we played our silly game
but am i supposed to take the blame?

the strangest things'd happened lately
when i take a good swing at my dreams

sports day today, and it means, no school, so i'm happy. sports day this year was exactly like any other year. actually, i don't enjoy sports day at all. no idea why, but i just don't like it. i don't think samantha'll get to read this, but anyway, cheer up sam. don't be paranoid over losing. it's okay, really. you danced well today, and that's all that matters.

i'm starting to study quite hard, but i'm still choking on the fact that i'm quite behind time, and mid year's barely a month away. tell me what i should do. sigh.

anyway, friendly game with acjc this thursday. 6-8pm, but venue not confirmed.

i'm off, sweethearts.

take me deeper
deeper like i've never been before

yesterday's youth service was fun. we all did our group presentation and yeah, it was quite cool actually. we all had different ideas about God's love and we presented it in different ways. and i liked the 'three little pigs' presentation. that was the most amusing and funny one, out of everything. after service, we went to jenny's house to celebrate elicia's birthday party. elicia's so young, only one years old. and i think that she's quite a beautiful baby. ohwell.

church today. sermon was about spritual rivival. and after service was baptism class. anyway, i'm going to get baptised on 24 april(two weeks from now), and i'm quite excited about it. cyrus, jeffrey, jiemin, juntein, zoeleen and i. yeah, we'll all have our spirtual birthday together on the 24th.

anyway, at least i managed to get some work done this weekend. i did quite a lot of history notes and i'm quite satisfied with myself. oh, tomorrow's sports day so we won't have school and i'm happy :) i'm off now, sweethearts.

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain's just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

burn your pictures
still saves your prints

yesterday was ptc(parents-teacher conference), so everyone's parents had to go to school to meet their teacher, to collect their report card, to talk about their acadamic performances and their behavior, etc. mrs ang was such a dear. she only said the 'good' stuffs about me, and i'm quite sure for the most of the girls in my class. yeah she just said that i need to study harder and my final exams is the o's. everything she said was good. so i'm pretty happy about ptc this time.

blogger'd been giving me some stupid problem recently and i'm annoyed. i don't understand why my entries appear that way when it was supposed to be appearing perfectly. maybe there's some minor errors with the html codes.

anyway, got to go and get ready for church now.
love much, sweethearts.

feel like a quote, out of context

been living in a fantasy without meaning

wake up and in the morning
and the hurting's so great
don't want to get out of bed
and face a world of hate

life is so miserable. everything is going wrong and nothing's what i want. school work is in such a damn mess. some are hiding things from me, saying and doing things, trying to hide(i don't know why); pretending that everything's so fine when it's not. i say, stop pretending that everything's so fine. it's not like i don't know. sometimes i just want to be locked up somewhere and be stuck alone. i don't want to face this world of hate. someone please, please teach me how to live this life of misery.

i'm sick, sick and tired of this damn world.

when the tears seem so easy to come

put my injuries all in a dice
what i gave is yours to keep

today's entry shall be a random one, cause i don't have much to blog but i just feel like adding a new entry for today.

went for training today. training was super slack, really. we didn't even do any drills. all we did was to hit and throw balls to ferlissa and train her, that's all we did. and honestly speaking, i think fer lai really improved alot. she's quite accurate yknw. i was impressed when i saw her make the saves. xinni number II in the making, maybe. haha. anyway, training sort of ended and just when i was about to go home, madeline hit the ball and the ball hit my ankle, yes, again. it's the God knows how many times i'm injuring my ankle. so now, i've a swollen ankle, and it's so painful when i walk. sigh.

daddy forced me to rub the oilment on my ankle when i don't want. it's so painful and the smell of the oilment is smelly. and mummy was telling me how serious it'll get next time if i don't take care now. she says, i'll get many problems when i grow old and my future husband will have a hard life trying to take care of me. so nonsensical please, that's my mummy for you. haha.

and for those (sec3s) who're still confused about our training schedule; when is training going to resume, or whatsoever not, i'll tell you now. trainings are on, tuesdays, thursdays and fridays. sec3 girls just have to attend trainings at least twice a week, anyday you want, and mr tan says preferably the days when coach's around. yeah, so all the sec3s can decide when we want to attend trainings according to our different schedules.

that's about all. i'm going off to do my homework and revise on some stuffs that i'm confused about. mid-year exams are barely a month away and i need to do well desperately. yeah. i'm off, sugar.

these silly wounds never seem to heal

cause my heart keeps falling faster

just woke up from a one hour nap and i feel so tired and lethagic. no complains about school. school was pretty fine. nothing eventful happened lately. it's just the same old routine over and over again everyday. i still don't like the idea of home-room system. i mean, what's the point of making the students move around after every lesson, climbing up and down. why can't the teachers do that instead? ohwell.

accounts class was funny. mrs ang suddenly went to the back of the class where sally, xinni, maria and i were sitting, and she began explaining the 3-column cash book thing to the class. sally and i needed to reply a text, so we were hoping that she goes back to the front. sally was sitting beside me, maria and xinni were sitting back to back of us. okay, when she finally did, i turned back and saw maria and xinni also taking out their phones to reply. haha and we all instantly laughed. i mean, we were all waiting for her to go back to the front. and it's quite funny if you were one of us.

but anyway, i suddenly feel so tired everyday, ever since the term starts. i don't know why, but well, i feel that i'm going to get quite ill soon. and i feel that i've no life now. i go to school and come straight home after extra classes or whatsoever, but i don't stay out or go out anymore. and it's so unlike of me. sigh. tell me why?

anyway, i heard that we're (sec3s) going to start training on friday. i don't know why it's on friday. if anyone of you know, tell me please? oh, and sports day is next monday. i don't like it, but i hope we'll miss school, anyway. then i'll be happy.

okay, i'm off darlings :)

bend and break

i'd hide my heart and run away

went to church for group discussion, then for tracting. tracting was quite satisfactory. we managed to talk to a woman whom we talked to last time, who's quite open and interested to the gospel. we stood outside her gate and talked to her for fourty five minutes to about an hour. we shared quite abit more to her this time. and maybe it's time God opened up her family and her heart, to let them feel His love. i just have a feeling that, that's the lucky family that God wants to bless.

i just got home from town with some churchmates. and i feel that my feet is quite sore now. maybe it's cause of all the walking with the heels yesterday and today.

anyway, yesterday was our promised dinner from mr tan. it was for all the b'div girls and ms martens and ms quek. we met at bugis mrt station first, and then we walked over to the restaurant. the wait at the train station was quite funny and amusing actually. we were all teasing each other while waiting for everyone to come.

we went to a nice and cosy restaurant which is somewhere along the stretch of bugis street. the restaurant has this european-western aura. it was quite cramped up for all twenty five of us to be in, but well, it was nice and cosy. everything was good, except that their serve was slow. the food was not to bad actually. everyone looked great and glam. those who seldom wears skirts look even more glam! it was really a rare chance, i mean, most of us usually wears skirts and heels, but how often do you get to see xinni and ruth in skirts? it's like a once in a lifetime thing for them(till now). at least i got to see their 'girl assets and elements'.

mm the pictures might be up soon if i can get the file from nicolette. yeah, and i changed my layout and all the credit shall go to nicolette. so, now i owe her ice cream. that girl ah. ohwell.

i'm off, nights.

walk away the days must leave you behind