baby, you're a growing addition i can't deny

hey. its been some time since i blog and some people(ahem), have relatively been pestering me to blog and so being and feeling nice, cos i just recovered from my pms yesterday, i'm like blogging now so you could read it. how nice right. haha nevermind.

oh lets blog about gwen's party. haha gwen, if you're reading this, don't kill me, i'll just blog the truth. haha okay so here it goes. mmm it was a great party, we had good crazy fun, but no, nothing of a horny kind. and i mean really. haha. we watched white chicks, had bbq, and then cycled and walked her cousins' dog to a playground somewhere around her house, and we had fun on the double swing. haha. okay then when we went back, we played truth or dare, we drank beer and some got drunk(i won't say who, but we all know. HAHA.), and no, i'm not one of them, i was still okay and quite normal after i drank erm four cans of beer, some vodka and maybe some blue label?(shhh) then elaine and i stayed over and we were surfing the net and looking at some nice things, some terrible things, and no, don't get the wrong idea, just in case you think its porn, but no its really not. just can't be saying it cos its sort of a mean naughty thing to say about others so i can't blog it. okay thats about it la. but it was really uber fun. and very nice and funny. HAHA. :)

and talking about birthdays and parties, it's joan anne's birthday on sunday, 28 nov and hanwei's birthday on 30 nov. so i shall wish them a happy birthday together. and we'll be celebrating it in sentosa and no, i won't forget the presents. so hanwei, just wait please.

oh and i can't get my tagboard, cos when i try to open it, it doesn't show and it always seem to have problems when i try to refresh it. i've tried it for days, but i can't seem to be able to get it back, so it might be some time before you see a tagboard on my blog. but nevermind, there're still ways you can get to me. you could always send me a msg on friendster or text me, so yes.

when you feel like no one understands you, if you're on the edge of breaking down, no don't give up, i was like this just recently, but i just picked myself up. let your heart and soul not grow cold and weary. and all you got to do is just remember this:

God will make a way
when there seems to be no way
He works in ways
we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
hold me closely to His side
with love and strength
for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way

alright. hope that this might be of help to your broken heart or broken life, but just remember this and keep the faith. life still has to move on, so you would rather lead a happy life then a tired and meaningless life right? (okay i'knw its all easier said then done, but you just got to try it. at least try, cos i'm trying too. sigh.)

i'm leaving for JB to train on thursday morning and i won't be back in s'pore till monday afternoon(2-6 dec). i don't know if i'll be updating before i leave, but i doubt so, cos i'm lazy and so if there's anything, any msg to drop, you could text me cos i have auto roaming. but if you don't have my actual number, you could get it from me before i leave, but just in case, i'll leave my prepaid number on my friendster acct so you could use it to msg me if its urgent, then i'll reply with my acutal number. alright? and so, i'm off people. take care. :)

i wished for heaven, but with you heaven already seem so close

no you don't know what its like, to be like me

i don't know how to put this across, there're so many things i want to say, but they all just seem too difficult to put it across nicely, so it doesn't hurt anyone, or rather the person i'm referring to, oh and most importantly, so that it doesn't sound like i'm bitching or something, cos that's not what i'm trying to do and i might do it un-intentionally. its so difficult to keep to that limit, sometimes i just don't know what to do, so i end up keeping it to myself, and yes i'm keeping it to myself, its just so pissed off for me. and sometimes, its amusing how i can make myself do that, when i just simply want to put across to let the person understanding how i feel. okay, so do you get it? oh nevermind. pretend you never read anything, cos i don't really understand what i'm typing either.

-

i would rather hurt myself
then to ever make you cry.
but do you feel my pain?

-

i'm like how cheesed off, but i'm happy, cos christmas is coming. oh you wouldn't know how much i actually love christmas okay. no you actually don't. anyway, the best thing is that christmas this year will be so much better, cos, well i'm not going to reveal anything yet, but it just can't get any better this year. well, thats if everything goes right, at least i pray so. sigh.

gwen's birthday bbq is tomorrow, and i need to shop for her present before training, or else i'll have no time to do so. oh dear, she wants a russia flag, so where the hell can i get one? haha so if you've any idea of where to get a russia flag, please text me later. its urgent. training later, but today's going to be different, cos RI won't be there, cos they're off in jb for their training. so is that good or bad? i say good. haha. but anyway, this's going to be our last training before we all head to jb for our training. is that good or bad? i say good again. ohwell.

with the radios all turned up so loud, no one hears you screaming

cos its in my head, i'm thinking and its all spinning again

hey. training today. we did what we do as usual, physical before training and of cos, as usual, training with the RI boys. come to think of it logically, they're actually helping us out with our trainings, so maybe we shouldn't be thinking of only the bad things about them. oops. anyway, nothing much interesting or spectacular. and i'm just burning myself out as each training passes. just pray that i'll be alive till the end with everyone please, cos maybe i'll break down before everything ends. :(

i just woke up from a long nap, i know i'm a pig, and i know its like kind of impossible to let you feel how tired i really am, but i'm so tired i don't know how to put it. you might say that i've no life, cos i keep on saying that i'm tired, but if you'll ever know how tired i feel, then maybe you won't blame me for complaining and whining everytime i blog. but i do have a life, seriously.

my head've been spinning the moment i got home today and its hurting so bad. someone shoot me please. but okay i'm happy about one thing, at least. when i weight myself just now, i just realised that i've lost 1.5kg within a week, which might sound like a crazy and bad thing to you, but i think its actually good for me. cos all that i've been doing, its for the cause of losing weight and i'm finally losing weight. -beams :)

sometimes i ask myself whether its worth doing all these shit to myself, just to lose weight. well, maybe i've got nothing much to lose too, i'm not exactly that very fat(okay i'm not even fat), but wait, i'm not like slim either. i tried telling myself that i was okay, many others tried telling me too, but each day seem more difficult to get pass and i gave up on reasoning with myself, since i can't make myself stop trying to lose weight. and here i am, tiring and burning myself out, to lose weight. oh God.

i can't go for a holiday this year, i can't go for a holiday this year. but why, why why? eeeks i've been dying to go to either paris or switzeland and daddy have to disappoint me, again, cos of work. this is so unfair. -sulks

oh and, i'm over with both of my old eyecandies, i've got a new EYECANDY! yay! :)

alright. that shall be all. i haven't been blogging so much since a gazillion years. so there. take care people, i'm off. bye.

i'm looking at you from afar; dream a little, dream of me

Lord, please grant me your peace to move on, i need your mercy and grace.

hey. i fell asleep at five in the morning and woke up at seven. sigh i'm really deprived of sleep these days. anyhows, i had a really wierd dream last night. i dreamt of one of my friend becoming a dog, and then the dog(my friend) became my pet. okay i know this is dumb, but i can have really the most crazy and stupid dreams i never can understand sometimes. nevermind i'm not going to reveal who my dog friend is anyway. HAHA.

i know i don't have the right to judge others, cos i can't even judge myself the way God actually judge me, i hate to judge too, but sometimes i just can't help it. i don't know whats the right way of putting it across, but how about putting it this way; i don't exactly know the way to judge others, cos i'm also judged by God. but sometimes, situations and circumstances just forced me to do that. my tolerance level is reaching its highest point, i've been tolerating with so many shits and craps from everyone, everything is pushing me, i can't take this anymore. i'm breaking down.

i think i'm crazy i'm on some super crazy dieting plan, i'm taking a less then 300 calories intake everyday, fasting for two days a week, training and exercising on my own and some other thing which is speeding up everything. yes i'm losing weight, but i'm afraid i can't take this anymore. i always get mental block and i try to escape from everything by sleeping. anyway, i don't even think i need to lose weight. i just don't know what i'm doing to myself. sigh. Lord, please forgive me.

and don't push it, i'm reaching the end.

do you ever feel like breaking down?

hey. i'm finally updating now, so are you happy? anyway, the hols are still more or less the same, nothing much spectacular or happening. just some extra maths lessons and basic malay lessons. don't get it wrong, of cos i'm not a malay, but the malay lesson are just to help the hockey team know some basic malay cos we'll be going to malaysia for the following few years, and so miss martens decides that we should have at least some malay language knowledge. that is why we're having malay lessons.

oh and how can i forget about, hockey TRAININGS? yup we've been training quite hard, doing physical and running more then usual and our stamina is picking up, which is quite a good thing. well, at least i think my stamina had improved abit. and we've been training with RI and i think we'll continue to train with them for the whole of the hols. training with them is not exactly good, but i think its okay.

i have nothing to update. i'm going to say this again, and i know i've been saying this even in the past few posts; i'm tired, very tired. and i just feel like breaking down. i'm off. bye.

she wants to go home, but nobody's home.

i say this again; its more then just a pretty face that matters, its in the heart.

hey, have not been blogging for quite some time; wasn't in the actual mood to do that, thats it. anw, i think my life is getting screwed. so many terrible things are happening. i just wish that i could stay at home and be stuck in my house forever. i'm tired of the world. and the worst thing to add; my maid is leaving in two days, on thursday. sigh and i know i'll take a long time to adapt to life without a maid. okay i know this sounds stupid, but i've been having a maid, all my life till now and my parents decides that its time for my siblings and me to be independent and so everything ourselves, and plus all my maids have been giving trouble, i've changed five maids this whole year. okay so i won't be having a maid for some time, this is the end. i didn't see my two eyecandies for so long, i'm giving up. :(

I DIDN'T SEE MY EYECANDY TODAY AGAIN AND I'M PISSED. -POUTS