rich & superficial

DO YOU FEEL LIKE CRYING
ALL THE TIME?
maybe you're suffering from depression.

for the first time in my life, i feel like i'm seriously suffering from depression. seriously.

i'm at hitomi's house now & we just watched life of luxury. oh golly goodness. the people featured are duper filthy friggin rich. mmhm imagine having that much cash to spend thirty thousand dollars for your precious dog's birthday bash? the dog gets to wear diamonds which are tens of thousand dollars & get a tea party with hot ladies dancing for him. women dancing for a dog. haha please imagine that. carolyn says that she would rather be that dog. the show's quite cool & really entertaining & highly amusing. it's wierd how rich people spends away their bling bling that never seems to dry. but it's okay. i never imagine being so duper rich. maybe if i had one percent of their bling bling, i would be the happiest & most contented girl on earth (one percent of their bling bling is a damn lot, excuse me).

back to yesterday. class chalet was okay. the bungalow looked really really scary & freaky like a real haunted house. haha. left early & went to town & many things happened after that. i spent forty bucks on cabbing. ohwell. but it was rather fun cause i haven't been out late for a long time.

weiting - hey. please don't feel bad about the chalet okay? we really appreciate your efforts. sorry for leaving early. i swear we felt damn bad & guilty after we left. hope you girls'd an exciting & thrilling night stay. you're a great class chairperson & i mean it. see you soon!

that's about all for now. we're waiting for jill, mar & mad to come over & swim.

temptation

i love you endlessly
but when it comes to me
you don't even notice me

hate it or love it, the holidays have officially started. that's not a very bad thing though. i can get some time off busy school days & for the least, catch more beauty sleep. this holiday schedule is duper packed. i have the obs lumut trip & the malaysia hockey tour. & about four trainings per week, plus the occasional club trainings, it would amount to five or more everyweek. & did i mention that most trainings are three hours. i have some extra classes in school to prepare for o'levels next year. this holiday would be busy busy busy but i think fun fun fun too.

a long holiday means that there would be many temptations. too much time & space for temptations. well, i know it before it even comes. temptations leads to sin. church sermon today was on how Jesus overcome the three temptations and how we could use Jesus as an example to resist & overcome temptations. it's to have God's words deeply engraved in our hearts & not to feed the temptation. it sounds easy, but it's not easy at all. the holidays just started & there're already so many temptations. i'm afriad, i really am. i hate being put to such tests. & i know it's cause my faith is really weak & i feel like i'm in such a dilemma. God, help me.

tomorrow's halloween party. eh weiting i feel that there's still so many things undone. the drinks thing is not confirmed. you need to tell me if i'm supposed to get them early. & you please hitch me a call if you read this tonight. call me anytime tonight. i'm waiting.

early HAPPY HALLOWEEN, people.
much fun & love to you sweethearts.

the beginning

mmhm almost everyone online is busy & not talking to me. tell me why? haha. if you come across reading this & is online now (i believe you are), yknw what to do huh. sorry for being childish & whiney. but that's what i feel like doing now.

i wanna be standing
at the beginning with you

today's the last day of school. i'm happy cause school's out for two months. but i'm somewhat really sad cause the seniors are graduating. hitomi said that i'm wrong to say three cheers cause today's the last day of school. mmhm i'm taking back those words now. it's the seniors' last day in school today & we would never see those beautiful faces in school next year. nothing triggers my happiness & laughter as much as this team does. seriously, b'division was a great experience & a huge lesson learnt. it was one hell of a great motivation for me, not only to excel in hockey, but in life. you girls have taught me so much through bittersweet experiences. i feel so privilleged all of a sudden to be part of this roller-coaster journey. i don't think i would be able to find another group of such special people or rather, angels. goodbye's always the hardest words to say, but i don't think all the friendships would come to a stop, cause this isn't how we're all gonna end. all endings are just beginnings. & i wish for the best for all the seniors in the beginning of their journey in life. you've done it in b'div & you can also do it in o'levels & in life, even better. we all are a bunch of ordinary kids with extraodinary powers & will be shining no matter where we go. the bdiv story; bruce, remember? back to the usual; the sky's the limit, we'll chase our dream. go & show the world how you all could really fly. i would be be dreaming of all the sweetest things that ever happened & i'll be dreaming of your laughters. greatest love & blessings :)

here by me

time will tell if i'm gonna make it
there's no way to be sure about
but i'll take my chance

three cheers cause tomorrow's the last day of school please. it's amazing how time flies. i always say this because it's so true, isn't it? one year passes just like another. already three years in school & it would be o'levels next year. next year would be better cause i already told ms goh i'm dropping art. the workload is just too much. i think i'd rather concentrate on both maths cause i really suck at it. results are not really ideal & up to mark but i'm quite satisfied with some subjects. my overalls are affected by maths. someone great in maths, teach me please.

training schedule for the holidays are up. there are so many trainings & things to do & i would be so busy. very soon, the holidays would be over & school would start for year 2006 & soon it would be o'levels. it's amazing how time flies, remember?

i think i'm going to do something really crazy this week.
go figure.

notice me

it felt as though we were given a spring test today. mr leslie gave the sports ambassadors twenty minutes to plan an interclass game for the sec2s cause twenty six teachers were out of school. it was almost immediate & we were totally unprepared. but i can say that everything went on quite well, for a last minute thing & since we were so anxious & unprepared. we used the old fixtures & game settings we used for the sec3 interclass last week. at least we've done it before & could us it as a backup plan. not too bad for the start.

training was fun. there wasn't any stickwork cause it was raining. we did some circuit training & played the tennis & rubgy game. i like the rugby game very much. lyn li is a good catcher. she never misses any balls we throw at her. but she's mean!

open house is next friday & we got to get the decorations & souvenirs in place. we're gonna paint a banner & it'll be fun.

those going to lumut, please bring your passport & two 1.5 litres bottles. we have physical trainings on wednesday & friday & i think we would be carrying the bottles of water & running.

halloween party's confirmed & i think it's only for my class. mmhm. meanwhile, please think of some creepy party ideas so we could use them impromptu. i've lots of wierd ideas already. haha. stay tuned for more hot news.

it's so sad the seniors are leaving this year. time really flies. they wouldn't come back no more. i'll miss those crazy nuts terribly, won't you? sigh. study doubly hard, seniors.

jillian & carolyn, get well soon! :)

infatuated

went to ps & watched flightplan with the usual girls. i mean, carolyn, jillian, madeline & marissa, but without hitomi today cause she'd cip. so you'll know who are my usual girls next time round eh. it's quite a cool show with an unpredictable storyline. go watch it!

halloween party is not confirmed. weiting just text me & said the bungalow would be hundred & thirty plus plus. well, let's pray that it'll go well this time.

carolyn - hey. hope the wierd growth in your right eye isn't serious & it'll be okay soon & nothing to worry about it. get well soon :)

growing up is kinda topsy turvy. moods & feelings changes all the time. at least it's normal, isn't it?

there's this boy that is everything i ever dreamt of. close to perfect & almost with no defects. the first look was enough to kill & make me fall in love with him. i dream about you all the time. pretty boy, where're you?

a gift of love
author unknown

"can i see my baby?" the happy new mother asked.

when the bundle was nestled in her arms and she moved the fold of cloth to look upon his tiny face, she gasped. the doctor turned quickly and looked out the tall hospital window. the baby had been born without ears.

time proved that the baby's hearing was perfect. it was only his appearance that was marred. when he rushed home from school one day and flung himself into his mother's arms, she sighed, knowing that his life was to be a succession of heartbreaks.

he blurted out the tragedy. "a boy, a big boy ... called me a freak."

he grew up, handsome for his misfortune. a favorite with his fellow students, he might have been class president, but for that. he developed a gift, a talent for literature and music. "but you might mingle with other young people," his mother reproved him, but felt a kindness in her heart.

the boy's father had a session with the family physician. could nothing be done? "i believe i could graft on a pair of outer ears, if they could be procured," the doctor decided.

whereupon the search began for a person who would make such a sacrifice for a young man. two years went by.

then, "you are going to the hospital, son. mother and i have someone who will donate the ears you need. but it's a secret," said the father.

the operation was a brilliant success, & a new person emerged. his talents blossomed into genius, and school and college became a series of triumphs. later he married and entered the diplomatic service.

"but i must know!" he urged his father, "who gave so much for me? i could never do enough for him."

"i do not believe you could," said the father, "but the agreement was that you are not to know ... not yet."

the years kept their profound secret, but the day did come ... one of the darkest days that a son must endure. he stood with his father over his mother's casket.

slowly, tenderly, the father stretched forth a hand and raised the thick, reddish-brown hair to reveal that the mother had no outer ears.

"mother said she was glad she never let her hair be cut," he whispered gently, "& nobody ever thought mother less beautiful, did they?"

real beauty lies not in the physical appearance, but in the heart. real treasure lies not in what that can be seen, but what that cannot be seen. real love lies not in what is done and known, but in what that is done but not known.

i dknw if this story is really true, but it made me cry. maybe i'm really a hopeless romantic. a mother's love can be so great & what more about God's wonderous love? uncomprehenable.

God's love; hung crucified on the cross, died sinless, rose again, all for love.

trigger happy

today was a long day out. met jill early in the morning to accompany to make her ic which was almost two months overdued. guess what? she misplaced her birthcert so she only had her passport. the woman at the reception was reluctant to let her make her ic cause she insisted that she must have her birthcert. so we went to this interview room and explained to this nice guy. it's quite interesting. in the end he agreed to let jill make her ic. which is so damn lucky if not we would have made a wasted trip. the cool thing is that we bent the law but we didn't break it. haha.

then off to cityhall & i had breakfast at cedele bakery depot. i love the red potato russet salad. hit, mar & mad didn't go out with us in the end cause they either had something on, or not feeling too well. so it was only bernetta, carolyn plus jill & me who went to look for new sticks. we went to penisular but the sales woman there was quite rude & the price she gave for the sticks wasn't really satisfactory so we went off to little india, hindoo road to look for the shop. but but but we couldn't find the shop & we called so many people but no one answered our calls. such a bad day. so we walked around & were fooling around as usual. we went to some place for lunch. the food prices was seriously outrageous. carolyn didn't even know what she was eating. there was this friendly man who came for a holiday here, from india. he talked to us quite abit and told us more about the food we were eating. interesting.

in the end, we couldn't find any shop in little india & my friend told me to check out selegie. so we went to look for selegie mall but there was no such place cause the building was demolished. jill was wearing this pair of pump shoes & her feet were hurting so much she forced carolyn to change shoes with her. then she looked damn funny & then she changed carolyn's sandles she was wearing with bernetta. so ultimately, carolyn suffered the most cause she can't even fit into jill's pumps. haha. we walked from parkmall to ps, to paradiz center, to peace center, to selegie center to i dknw where & found out that selegie mall was demolished. everyone wanted to kill me but it wasn't my fault. haha so we ending up walking aimlessly everywhere for five hours.

in the end we gave up cause jill had to go for tuition. but it was really a fun day. at least we found out that there were many nice shops at wierd places which we won't really go. there's so much more than just town. bernetta & i are street smart but carolyn & jillian is definately not. out again soon okay? & this time with more people.

anyway, weiting promise me that we're gonna have a halloween partyyyyy. i hope we can make a mass party so more people can come. wait for more news.

ball duty tomorrow.

consuming fire

all results back, and they're really horrid. i passed every subject except for maths and accounts. i'm quite disappointed with the results, expecially for chemistry cause i really expected more after studying really hard this time. maybe i should've started serious revision earlier. but at least i got all my mole calculation questions right. i failed my maths and the result is shameless.

anyway, holland shopping with bernetta, carolyn, hitomi, jillian and madeline after school. i bought some accessories and i'm happy. i saw a few really nice dresses & i wanna buy them. should've just bought one just now. hit and ber left early and then we went to party with us. carol, jill and mad seem to be too amused and freaked out by the stuffs in the shop. the halloween costumes and stuffs are pretty but i doubt we're gonna have a halloween party, are we?

the conversation with caroyln and jeniffer is really funny & stupid. they're talking about random stuffs like hammy (jen's hamster), which carolyn is crazy about cause she think it's damn cute. & also talking being bored plus high cause the exams are over. they're nuts i tell you.

i'm tired and sleepy.
out with the girls tomorrow.

confessionals

interclass today was duper. umpiring was so fun. there were few mistakes made but most importantly, i think everyone had fun. at least there was climax after everyone warmed up & especially at the end during the finals. eh i'm so so so damn proud of 3b, seriously. i think everyone played really well & class spirit was really great. we almost won the floorball finals. okay almost. i love all my girls :)

checking of papers was okay. i'm quite satisfied with my results, especially for pure lit & maybe disappointed for english. sixty is not exactly bad, but it's quite disappointing. especially my essay. i think i should never write expository or argumentative essays anymore. i've always written them but this essay proved to be disasterous. i failed accounts but i'm happy okay. i got a forty+++ borderline fail which was good cause i expected a below twenty grade. maths, chemistry, bio and chinese papers tomorrow. yup.

training was goody. i especially like the soccer game. we were all laughing like crazy cause it certainly was difficult to move. we were playing in some wierd position. like almost crawling backwards and trying to play soccer. yes crawling backwards. yknw how to do that? go figure.

i want a night out with my girls.
& this is random.

one desire

meeting with ms martens today. we all did goal and vision setting for next year. it was practical discussion. quite a fruitful session and good to know that everyone's heading towards the same direction, the same vision and goal. seems like everyone important are leaving us. first is mr balbir, and now ms martens and possibly mr danker cause he recieved a scholarship to aussie to study sports psychology? it was announced on the shf web. maybe. sigh. these are the hard facts of life that seem to happen to us quite often.

carolyn. so glad that you're happy now. your breakdown today was so scary. haha. don't worry about telling me anything. i'd always understand & i'm prepared to listen for life. and pray! God is gracious and He listens anytime. prayer is the solution to all problems. build your faith girl. see you tomorrow!

jillian! we must go out soon one night and chill with the rest okay? we got so much to talk about. wasn't today fun? i bet you enjoyed every bit of it. you & mad made yourselves too at home. remember madaliene muffins? & lying all over the floor and hug all my pillows and huge toys. haha. hope you're alright now. i'll be here whenever you need me, i promise! see you tomorrow at 7am in school. do not be late. nights! :)

interclass for sec3s tomorrow. i think i'll be playing and umpiring. the ytsa personnels are coming to grade us again. hope everyone'll have fun. then it'll be checking of papers. i'm so screwed for maths and accounts.

i'm so tired, good night!

mercy mercy
goodness & kindness
love & forgiveness

fingers are itchy so i wanna blog. i'm most probably gonna drop art. no actually i mean i am gonna drop art. i can't stand it no more. although i've much passion for art, the workload is too much plus it's the o'levels next year. even moka and gehui can't take it. i really admire the rest of the express girls who won't give up on art even though time is so tight. & i'd never agree with anything more than this; time really fly. it's already the third year in stc and we're so soon to go.

i'm dammit addicted to fly away - the longest yard by nelly.

if i could fly away, ooo & i wouldn't come back no more. i'd turn around, just to see you for the last time. see now i know hey it won't be easy. i done fought in a battle & i done made it this far. i gotta few more feet, but it's still the longest yard

i'm having wierd thoughts. i'm feeling so bitter & duper worried for so many things.

God of wonders, only you can read & undrestand me. open up the heavy doors, guild my way & grant me peace. with you, your child would have no fear. you're all & everything i need in this life. it'd been mercy all the way.

when i stumble in the darkness
i will call Your name by night

exams are officially over, with the exception for art which is tomorrow. & i still have alot alot alot to complete. i'm still contemplating if it'll be the right choice to drop art. art is my passion, but the workload is almost too much to handle. i hate making the wrong decisions cause regreting is the most stupid thing i should be ever doing, after regretting so many times. i'm gonna pray about it.

unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain. so let's take time to wait upon the Lord.

it feels really good to be back in church and with the youth, especially. mmhm it's like this attraction that's starting to attract me back to church. i'd been busy and i hardly attend youth service for urm, three four months? & honestly speaking, i'd been more attracted to the world than to church & God. worldliness is a deadly sin. money is the root of all evils. but God is a forgiving God & he'll never forsake His children. spiritual milk is interesting & i wanna learn the drummm!

open up more doors of your life to God & you'll be so much blessed. God wants to bless you & i so much more.

sermon on sunday was duper. it was about five important keys. it made me realised how shallow a christian i am after many years of accepting christ and growing up in church. there's so much room for improvement. i'm opening up more doors in my life to God & there's many things i wanna talk to God about. i wanna be moreeee BLESSED.

in the end times of this sinful world, we should rely on God and constantly renew & build our faith. the ending of man is the beginning of God.

God of wonders beyond our galaxy
you are holy, so holy.

dizzy up the girl

& i don't want the world to see me
cause i don't think
that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

& you can't fight the tears
that ain't coming
or the moment of truth in your lies
when everything feels like the movies
yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

i think i flucked my bio paper.
this is about the end.

joy luck

maybe after half the exams, now i can relate to joy luck club better. i'm praying for some joy & luck. this'd been a killer week and two more days to go. well, at least for me. chemistry paper yesterday was fairly okay. it wasn't easy or difficult but do-able. accounts wasn't very well done and maths today is a gone. lit was alright but the enemy of the people essay was difficult!

"you're insane with egotism!" - hovstad's justification of dr stockmann. do you agree? tell me about that.

tomorrow's maths1 and bio. friday would be the worst. history, chemistry & bio all crashed up tog.

joy & luck to everyone.

hit the spot

i think i might die of coughing one of these days. sigh. i've nothing to post actually. exams update: three papers down and that leaves me with five more to go. yesterday with sister charmaine leow nenghui was fun. haha.

anyway, carolyn, please call me if you ever read this.

keep up the work, girls.
lots of loveeeee.

love & fight

i'm dying. like really really dying. i'd such a horrible flu and sore throat i woke up in the middle of the night and started crying. i'm coughing so bad now. sigh. and so that explains why i'm not in school today.

i really do not like the exams.
biology and emaths are starting to make me fly.

can't wait can't wait can't wait for after the exams! anyway, heard from ms martens that it's confirmed that we'll going to penang this year. but the trip would also include malacca and KL. hurray. that makes me can't wait even more. but i'm not really looking forward to obs lumut.

as for now, mug hard
& God Bless all!

love beyond measure

the only reason why i look forward to mondays is because of pride. well, maybe it'd been the only thing that really make my day everyweek. twice everyweek. just so i might get trigger happy. but it's getting so sad and intense. i hate it when aki left halu. but most romance storylines are always like this. isn't it?

if everything could end with a happy ending, life would be beautiful.

ms martens is such a dear. she's giving us childrens' day present. heard that it's something about our bdiv story. such a sweet thing. okay so that makes us still kids, aren't we still! :)

can't wait for after the exams. then it'll be, train shop party fun laughter. stress would be out for at least awhile.

reality check: chinese paper tomorrow. hope everyone would do well.