Take my broken-ness, call me to your side

Chinese Oral was a horror. I think I should not be elaborating. Recieved a call to be down at Sajc next wednesday for an interview. I wonder if it's a good/bad news. Don't really know what to expect too. I must to buy the Joy Luck Club guide book this week. I wanna sleep but I'm afraid I won't wake up to catch the exciting fight between Germany & Argentina. Well, no one seem to be betting cause it's such a risky bet on your cold hard cash yeah?

Xinni loves soccer boys.
Below is unnatural Xinni for you. Check it out!

Xinni: Haha but i still love my kaka.
Xinni: So handsome!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charisa: Eeeeeeeyer you're so gay
Xinni: Haha yeah im gay. I'm happy mannn.
Charisa: Sure thing man.
Xinni: Haha yeah!
Xinni: Hahaa! what? kaka is cute! im kaka crazy!
Xinni: Yeah he has that boyish charm to sweep any girl of her feet!
Xinni: Hahhaa too bad he is married. Yeah his bride is like 18.
Charisa: HOTTER THAN YOU LA.
Xinni: Ok looking only la. Haha I also know. Damn sad.
Charisa: Why sad? Find a Kaka look-alike la.
Xinni: Hard to find man. There's only one Kaka.
Xinni: Just look at his face. OMGGGGGG CUTE!

Suddenly, I felt that Xinni is a pitiful lost(love) girl.
Okay I'm running out of nonsense. Goodbye sweeties.

Have you seen the keys that leads to me?
Cause I can't find myself, I'm running out of time.

School is very very tiring. It drains me. In & out, up & down (if there's such a thing). I certainly hope next week will be better. Tomorrow is friday & I'm so looking forward to cause it's close to the weekends (btw an extended one till monday). Only thing I'm not looking forward to is Chinese O's Orals. Frankly speaking, I'm not prepared & boy, that's why I am fretting now, digging into a guide book (all the hot topics that're likely to be tested). & it's really dreading cause being index number one, I'm the second last to take the oral exam cause being so 'lucky', Michelle & I are the only two from our class having to take the exam tomorrow (attached to the end of 4A). The rest of the class will be taking it the following week on tuesday so they'll have the weekend more to prepare.

So tomorrow will be an exciting day. Chinese orals, beginning of the extended weekend & Germany(!!!) vs Argentina(!!) all together are just too exciting. I don't think I will be able to sit still.

Okay I am so fretting.

You've had it all along the bravest heart of mine

Deleted the previous entry cause after steaming off I found myself vulgar. Don't worry, it was just some anger provoked by my dad. I was thinking of moving out/running away. But I think it was my monthly alarm/moodswing. Ohwell I guess all is well now. School has started & is boring plus I gotta wake up so early. Sometimes I wished I was home-schooled. Then I can wake up later, plan my schedule/time table & have the comforts of my home when studying (fridge!). Hur. Btw the school's new mini hockey pitch is up. So small like smaller than a quarter of a full pitch but still better then nothing :)

I feel sleepy I wanna sleep goodbye!

Only the stars knows your way

Went to Johor yesterday for food oh glorious food. Seafood dinner was really good. Didn't have much time to do shopping. Today will be church outing/bbq & I'm not gonna eat much cause I've been on a huge binge lately. Sort of gotten enough of good food. Was visiting blogs and I suddenly felt that I've been detached from so many people. Some have changed their url, some have changed their blogskins/template. & I discovered some preeeeetty good new layouts. Okay I know I'm slow but hey I haven't been bothered to read blogs these days. Geez. Well, actually it'd been very long since I read most of your blogs. Gotta change some links but am lazy today.

Alright, my stand is that Germany & Argentina will reign today, whatdo'cha think? Gotta refrain from watching late night games when school starts. Bad things are happening. I think I am feeling the stinky aura. The worst of all, school is starting on monday.

Forgive me my weakness cause I don't know why

Little books/things can get me thinking & reflecting, unless of course they are pitiful emo-arousing stories or painful sights/experiences of over-comers. Lately did I realise that history has that sort of power it gets me thinking. I think, why did the many war(s) happen, what so strong could arouse hatred that can make men torture, rape & kill? Really, something must be strong enough to make them do gruesome things like that.

History is bitter. I think it all started with different idealogies, greediness & selfishnes of men that resulted in that great hatred & then slowly pain & death(s). I would never want to live a day of such horror. Both shame & regret (not me!) to look back on the past wrongs. I think history is wasted (maybe except the fact that hopefully we learn from it).

Now I watch the news everyday & I think we (people in Sg) should really just count our blessings (I'm not trying to promote National pride or whatsover even though National Day is coming hur). Everyday in news, we see many countries suffering from natural disasters, poverty & broken up families (even divided countries). Then here we have so much comfort maybe too much which made us too full (too much food), we start to complain. Complain bout the heat but hello, I think compared to those countries suffering from floods, hurrincane & earthquakes, we'd better shut up. Oh so much glorious food we suffer from over-nourishment (hmm never got a taste of poverty) & in some sad cases ended up getting cancers. All have a roof over our heads but we still complain that we don't have a spacious enough house, a only small car to drive. Sometimes I think we're so pampered we deserve to be slapped (or rather shot). Actually I think we paid (in a way) for our blessings. We 'exchanged' raw materials (cause we're without) with good climate & no earth-shaking natural disasters (so far). Worthy 'exchange', if you think the same way cause we're without raw materials but yet we seem to be prospering at a good rate. I think I'm making some sense here (this is to those who're not senseless/****** who think all great bout their small self), right?

Such Shame (on ourselves).

Sorry, my mind'd been wild lately, thinking of really wierd things. My all-long (sorry no such words but i hope you get my drift) ambition even changed! I wonder why am I talking bout wierd things which I hope they somehow link. I bet no one at sixteen will have such wierd thoughts. Meaning I'm wierd (or becoming)?

Anyhow, soccerooos, I'm back. Goody news Germany & England will not meet any soon. I know this news is too late cause I was too sleepy to show my happiness here after watching the England game till 5am. & I didn't come online yesterday so forgive me. But as an England fan (maybe), I should somewhat rejoice I guess. England's not exactly performing superbly well (letdown sometimes) but I think they have the potential. Just that their strikers never seem to score (most of the goals are coming from the midfield). Like the goal Joe Cole scored & Gerrard is still the best man. So sad Owen is injured & out for five(!!) months :( Btw cheer for Japan (vs Brazil) at 3am, pray for underdog luck yeah.

You can try to hide away every drop of rain
that's hanging over you

I was studying history & I finally realised the significance of the past & the importance to learn from it. Well, luckily men did if not we would still be living the way men did centuries ago. I guess without yestersay(s) (history), we wouldn't have a more peaceful & happier today/tomorrow.

I have this great urge to share something interesting & hilarious that's why I came online to add an entry. I was studying about China and I realised that the most ridiculous things had happened in history. Was learning the 1911 Revoultion & the consequences the revolution brought. One of the consequence was really funny. So, during the period of the anarchy, life became worst for the peasants. The Warlords allowed the Landlords to push rents up & collect taxes in advance. In Sichuan (a part of China) by 1923, the local Warlords had collected taxes in advance up to 1968. Some simple maths, 1923 to 1968 = 45 years!! Oh man imagine you were the poor peasant who paid taxes in advance up to forty five years. Say you were 65 year old (back-breaking but still working in the fields just to pay rent & taxes in advance). You wouldn't even live up to 110 years old to live the taxes you've paid. Oh what corruption :( Such poor peasants.

Funny/ridiculous yet pitiful (for the peasants), isn't it? It certainly cracked my day & boy, I sure found some small interest in studying history. Speaking of Sichuan, youknw the Sichuan beef noodles served at SilkRoad Noodle Bar is so yummy! & not forgetting the delicious Xiaolong Pao & Scallop Dumplings (Sorry to those who've not eaten their lunch). For a moment you'll find yourself eating in "modern China". Hur.

Anyhow, soccerooooos (I'm not much of a kickball/soccer girl but I love watching games & the excitments cause it kills). Anyhow, there are again exciting games today/tomorrow. I certainly hope that Germany & England wins tonight to top their group so they won't meet each other yet in round two (cause I feel it's too early for such killer excitments) but even if fate fell short & they've to meet, it would be interesting, wouldn't it? I really hope Owen plays. Dknw if I should say I'm happy that Crouch might not be playing but well let's see what Rooooney (the oh-so-prized teen star) gotta give. I think England needs Gerard & Lampard alot to back up their defence & push up the attacks so hope they play but don't get carded. But well, as fans (maybe) of England, I'll just keep my my faith (& also my fingers crossed).

I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight

There're exciting games tonight I think I won't have to sleep. Brazil vs Aussie, Japan (!!) vs Croatia & France vs Korea. Guess it's obvious who I want to win each game. Seriously, I hope Japan wins if they don't they're likely to be out :( I just remembered there's english orals (prelims) tomorrow. Oh & is there training too? Someone text me please.

Mad, how is it going? I'm counting on you. Actually I've a backup. But how is it with you? Let me know between 7-8pm alright? Thanks Love.

This is so Soccer Fever (HOT)!

Girlish laughs & sideways look

Imma feeling sick. The fever germs are floating in the air. My sister & brother caught it. So I'm trying to survive. I slept for let's see, urm more than twenty hours. This is so amazing. & I missed class today. Goodbye chem & bio, I'll study you at home.

This is a fast week (like a fast song). Bbq & stayover at Mad's residence was fun. The food we ordered online turned out to be good (esp the chicken chop!). In the end we didn't sneak/go out to watch soccer instead we'd this mini (just Carol, Mad & I) slumber party in Mad's room at 3am (the rest went home). Guess what we did. Or rather what Mad did for me. She permed my hair. The curls were overly curly & my hair was thick so you could imagine how bombastic my hair looked. It was really a combination of both fun & ny (fun & fun+ny). Carol was complaining all the way how horrible I looked with the major curls hur. I'll get the photo. Twas cool.

I bought preeeeeetty origami papers yesterday. So flowery so sweeeeet man. The hols are gonna end & i so hate it!

Broken vows & hand-me-down dreams

Woke up in my worst of moods. No idea why but I decided to stay home today (not training since it's not killing my staf) to do some work with my books. Anyhow I think it's sad we're not registered for Under18. After the last few trainings I reckoned I wanna play (I'm sure the rest wanna). This is so boring/unfair/whywhywhy urgh. Sorry I'm feeling (foul). Btw I think the Japan soccer team playing in World Cup has many sexy&preeeetty eyecandies (good lookers). Give me just one, to brighten my day, will you?

Only thing to look forward to is gathering&stayover tomorrow at Mad's residence. Youknw we even ordered the bbq food stuffs online? Not sure if we're choiceless but we're living in such a Virtual World (eg: chatting online & talking to machines on phone). Physical proximity seems (is) dead.

You shine through the darkest pits of my heart

So World Cup started two days ago. The opening match (Germany vc Costa Rica) was a good watch. The thing I must comment is that Germany's defence was so loose, the first goal against them was an open goal! The goals were preetty damn amazing & it got me thinking how those soccer stars got such strong (sexy)legs & power kicks(ass). I especially like the first goal scored by Lahm & the deflection by Klose if i'm not wrong. Sexy please. Anyhow, went to Simon's house last evening/night to have World Cup fellowship (haha damn right). The game yesterday (England vs Paraguay) was quite boring cause no one was scoring the only thing that made it interesting was the (beautifully) kickass corner ball by Beckham & own-goal (sadly) by Paraguay's defender. & the thing that got me watching were the two soccer-candies - Beckham is still ever sexy (& charming) and awww Owen is still so small & cute (I love him!). I kinda like the England team alot, they gave me good vibes. The two games I was supposed to bet but I didn't & I should have! =(

Anyhow, hey sweeeeets there's this annoying copycat (cheesebun actually). Seriously, after knowing you for quite a few years you're still the same old loser thing. Youknw who you are man I'm sure you'll be reading this since you seem to love my vibes. Please go do your own thing. Get a happier & more original life.

This was never more true. There's something wrong with our culture's way doing things. This is the evil&end* times & full of temptations (which I'm trying hard to refrain). Everyone's trying to imitate & caught between who they really are & who they wanna be. Everyone's falling into the traps of the World's Culture. Sadest thing is that changes in others turn out to become changes in me (frankly I'm still the same girl you found whether in an old pair of jeans or an evening gown). All if have to be is me.

In my heart there'll always be a space

What makes life really happy & fulfilling? Well, definately not Mickey Mouse or a perfect doll house. Everyone defines it in a different way because there're different things that makes their happy pill. I asked people & I got replies like the right someone to love, lots of money, streess-free, holiday(ing), shopping & such. To sum up, enjoyment. But what makes you happy may not be what that makes your life fulfilling. & vice versa, what makes life fulfilling may not be what makes you happy (& feed your enjoyment) Of course I love enjoyment but some enjoyment don't make your life any more fulfilling (& worth living & proud of). Guess it's kinda tough to get both. & I'm unnerved by the fact that it's tough so I'm thinking how I can get it both in place.

Mrs Tan is a cool teacher & I'm such a cool student cause we talk bout the little prince & life. We dislike crossroads/changes & maybe have different perspective of happiness but I guess afterall, we're feeling women (I think I'm not a girl not yet a woman) who would love to make our life count & hopefully to share part of it (maybe not to the world) but to people around us. I hope I got this right. She got me reminded me & got me thinking. Well actually I am quite afraid that I'll fall into the damn trap of growing to become an adult (teenage struggle). Forgetting life's simple ideas forgetting who I am; what I should be, forgetting to follow my heart, living to the man-made belief/standards that determines who I am. Ruining happiness & fulfillment just to live/fit into this superficial world (we all know there's something wrong with the world today we're living on the edge). Oh Lord let your glory fall.

"For millions of years flowers have been producing thorns. For millions of years sheep have been eating them all the same. And it's not serious, trying to understand why flowers go to such trouble produce thorns that are good for nothing? It's not important, the war between the sheep and the flowers? ...suppose I happen to know a unique flower, one that exist nowhere in the world except on my planet, one that a little sheep can wipe out in a single bite one morning, just like that, even without realizing what he's doing - that isn't important? If someone loves a flower of which just one example exists among all the millions and millions of stars, that's enough to make him happy when he looks at the stars. He tells himself, my flower is up there somewhere. But if the sheep eats the flower, then for him it's as if, suddenly, all the stars went out. & that isn't important?'" - The Little Prince

Some food for thought yeah (Mrs Tan!)?

Premier league semi-finals tomorrow 7pm at Delta if I'm not wrong (according to Lam). Little ones, lets be there to watch the old (farts). I think they will fly.

I'll be your number one with the bullet

I just had a good sleep. But I'm still so tired. That's why I didn't go back to Delta to watch the 5pm game. Sorry! :( Anyhow, was late this morning by the time I reach, Lam was done with the mental prep. But I did the debrief with Lam, Ferlissa & Weizhen. Seeing the juniors play, I feel that I wanna play too. Like Yingying, I'm missing the tournament prep & playing excitement. Sad thing is that we're not registered in the Under18. Gonna be missing so much fun. Left during training after taking few shots at Lam (Hey I'm feeling my touch I can hit again!) to meet the four silly(asses) in town. Cheat me somemore! Not scared you fall again ah Ber? Haha.

Lido then Mos Burger then Pacific Plaza then I was tired I left for home. I took this cab & omg the driver was an obvious pervert. He had Hello-I'm-An-Ugly-Pervert written on his forehead. I can't believe he talked to much nonsense to me. He even deliberately turn to the wrong road to talk even more nonsense to me. Such a bloody sick freak. So scary youknw I almost fling the cab door open & jump off (not even caring if I would meet with an accident). I figured that staying in the cab was more dangerous then jumping off. The reason I didn't jump off was cause I recieved a call & was talking on the phone so he can't talk to me. Twas such a bad experience.

Look at the stars, look at how they shine for you

So yesterady & today, I was shopping all the way :) Shopping makes life goooood. I bought many things from head to toe - truckers (actually not truckers but a hot pink cap!) to many many pairs of shoes. Actually I feel guilty too. Cause I think my mum had been spending alot.

Today was triggerhappy. Went for the juniors' game at eight then home for tuition then out with Lam, Jennifer & Yingying. City hall to peninsular to funan to peninsular to city hall to suntec to Millenia Walk to Delta (for the junior's game again). Lam (being so annoying) was teasing Yingying all the way about being short. When she reached cityhall (we were walking around elsewhere), she sent Yingying this message. "You're too short I cannot see you." Both Yingying & I were laughing till we almost rolled on the ground.

Anyhow, throughout this whole week (under15 tournament), we (the seniors) have seen the juniors improving in every game & it's really heartening to see everyone with more confident on the pitch. But I think it's still not enough to be on top so keep the hardwork going! Dknw if any of you young ones would read this but always remember - what you give will be what you get. Maybe I'll be there tmrw at 7am to help Lam with the mental prep. But it's so early :(

Where'd you go when you're lonely
Where'd you go when you're blue
Where do you go I'll follow you

Today was an exciting (& interesting) day. Went down to watch the juiors play their first under15 game. Though the start was rocky, they slowly picked up. 1-0 to our favour. Keep up the good work & don't make so much noise after training okay. Anyhow, went to Penisular with Felissa, Hanwei, Madeline to meet Bernetta. They wanted to get new hockeystick grip & turf shoes. Ber & Hanwei didn't get their shoes in the end but Mad & Hanwei got their stick grip. I wanted to see the Levis handbag & wallet but the dumb shop did not want to open. I saw preeetty dunks (not boys) Then Ber complained that she was hungry so we went to KFC/TacoBell/PizzaHut at Funan. The interesting thing happened. But first, I really must apologise (sorry love!) to Ber for sharing this but it's so interesting, sweeties you wouldn't wanna miss it, would you? So there, I'd no choice. Don't whine but enjoy your experience in words.

So Ber bought her two piece chicken meal & we sat down. Looking at the tempting chicken, Fer, Hanwei & I suddenly felt hungry so we decided to share a meal. But no one wanted to go to the counter to buy. Ber, being the sweetest volunteered to buy for us (as if she's so kind, she just felt weird being the only one eating & all of us staring at her okay!). Wrong intentions got her into a frenzzy. So after buying the meal, she looked so happy & was walking down the steps. Say, there were bout six steps. As she walked down steadily, I suddenly had this intuition that she might fall. So I was telling the rest, 'she better not fall'. Guess what, she fell on the last step & all the Pepsi spilt on her uniform. It was a funny sight we kept laughing. The interesting thing is not that she fell & dirtied her uniform but something was really coincidental. This waitress was walking behind Ber down the steps & holding a mop. When she spilt the Pepsi all over the ground, she immediately started mopping the mess.

Omgoodness, the waitress & the mop was like forshadowing that Ber might fall & stain the ground (she really did). Madeline said that everything was like preplanned. You should've been there to witness this it was so damn hilarious. Ber was all embaressed. The amazing thing was that our chicken was saved (Pepsi did not spill onto the chicken). We were lucky. Today is Ber's bad day she lost her less-than-ten-days old Nalgene bottle & got stained & I stole the ball from her every other time. So much for a bad day. Cheer up sweetie, you certainly did brighten my day! :)

Back to Delta for training. Didn't want to do the sprints so Lam & I ran six rounds. The feeling was good especially being absent on the pitch for so long. Training was quite slack we just hit around. Am really rusty now. But it was enjoyable. After training, we decided to drop by Redhill market to grab a cold thing cause the weather was burning.

Exciting thing was that we witnessed a real life scene of a police chasing after a thief (who sells fake cigarettes as told). Both the thief & police ran past us. Carolyn claimed that the thief was carrying a gun (how can he be carrying a gun in Singapore I mean it wouldn't be easily available. If he has a gun he wouldn't only have been a thief maybe some robber or kidnapper) & said that she should have tripped the thief. Anyway, was cool witnessing that.

Shopping tomorrow. I wanna buy tee(s), shorts & truckers!

I want your corner in the pouring rain

I've been cramping for the whole day. It's really painful, so painful I left church early. I couldn't even sit still to listen to sermon. I was almost crouching the whole time. Can you feel my pain? I bet you don't (esp if you're boy):. My mum & sister are shopping now like dammit. I feel so poor thing alone at home. I wanna shop too especially when my mum's around but the cramps are killing.

So Jc(s) 'visiting' yesterday. I think we got a good impression of Sajc's school environment. Partly because it's new I guess. We've a bad impression of Cjc & Ajc's campus. Partly cause the buildings are old. Carolyn & Madeline feels that Cjc is another Stc. It just gives you the Catholic feeling & the stairs seems freaky ( when you're climbing up you feel like there's nuns holding a candle climbing up the stairs). Oh & the lights are really dim. I think Carol & I sort of decided we wouldn't want another Stc cause four years is really (good) enough. To study in the same environment/feeling for two years all over again, I think we'd dropped it.

Then we went to Madeline's house. At Mad's house we were lying all over her bed. Carol was in love with her blankie. There were feathers flying out cause there was a hole at the side. Kinda funny. We talked some rubbish & I saw Mad sister's Paul Frank bag. Though it's a 'crab' design I still found it quite cute. I almost wanted to rob her of the bag hur. Yesterday was alot of goooood (deep) talkings and I really enjoyed it. Especially on the bus to Delta when we shared bout our past lives & wrong things we've done. But all were past & was really funny when we talked bout it (esp Carol) Hur I know you're curious but I can disclose anything. Shhh it's secret sweetie.

Oh did I mention we took so many buses (trips). Like eight-ten rides. Never had I taken so many buses in a day. But when I'm with them I'm 'forced', but not a bad thing actually (save money for more shopping). I had this great urge to cab every single time we were waiting for the bus. Plus the weather was so hot. But anyway, yesterday was fun & I'm still cramping I need hot water.

You are my Rock - Hillsong United

There's a voice in the silence, piercing the darkness of my own selfish soul
There's a cry deep within me, a yearning to feel you
I look to you, Lord

I can pretend I don't run from the feelings I'm trying to hide
Must get the focus of me and my problems
I look to the cross

You are my Rock on You I stand
Safe from the storms that surround me
You're my only Rock, In you I can
Don't have to rely on my own strength.

God you're soveriegn over my life's situation. No matter where or what mistakes I've made in the past, You've given me everything I need to glorify You right now.
You are my Shield, my Strength, my Portion, Deliverer, my Shelter, Strong Tower, my very present help in time of need.
Lord, You're in control.

You got me where you want me

Hello, so I haven't been posting for few days. Anyway was busy. The hols are a least bit of eventful. Classes from Monday to Wednesday & yesterday was in-house Chinese Orals. & today actually should be a "free&easy" day for me but I'm meeting the girls to go to Sajc, Cjc & accompany Madeline to Ajc to hand in dsa forms & to check out the various campus.

Next week & the week after will be a whole lot better it seems cause I'm not involved in the self-study programme (threecheershiphiphurrray). But that doesn't mean my results are any better so there isn't actually time for slacking. Next week & the next will be alot of eating good food :)

Am loving Yellow by Coldplay <3

Have not attended training since the last attempt of "revival" (helping the juniors with the Sevens). I kinda feel bad but I really can't make it today. Will attend more trainings next week I guess. Keep going, juniors!

Am looking around for a huge damn roach. Shucks I hate(sorry, dislike) roaches alot. Last night I opened my mum's room door & there I saw it I screamed & slammed the door. I'm afraid it's gonna appear anytime, anywhere.