it'd not been easy

today was a bad day. i was behaving like a bitch, my fault. sorry favourite girls, today was my pms/
i-want-things-my-way day. i feel really bad now, really. i promise i didn't meant for it.

everyday, i give myself new hope. hope that quickly this day would come for me to walk away from this. everyday i tell myself to be strong, i tell myself not to cry. i hate insecurities. but it seems, i can't find a way out.

'if you cry, your life will always be sad. it's useless to cry. your tears do not wash away your sorrows. they feed someone else's joy. and that is why you must learn to swollow your own tears'. that is why i don't cry so no one knows my misery. who knows? only God knows. i'm so used to it, i tell you, swollowing tears is easy but swallowing your own misery time and time again isn't.

growing up, makes me tired.
in fact, it's killing
everything in me.