Music: Rag Doll - Aerosmith

Life is a fast ride/life is a standstill. You see the contradiction. Sometimes this really bothers me. But really, don't you find life like this? You accelerate then you've a sudden stop. There's something wrong with the world today, everyone knows & we're just hanging on. I don't know what it is, but I know we're living on the edge. A one way street but sometimes I feel I gotta go the other way. For now, give it all you got until you're put out of your misery.

Beauty in words. How they don't mean what they sound but how they make expressions.

Tell me all the dreams you have left

So 70% of the chinese O's is over. According to my sister & aunt who went through my answers, they said that I won't fair too badly (which means there's hope hur). Thank God, my God was with me! Now that's left with 30% which is oral & listening. Awww how am I gonna kill for oral. Damn.

Great World City & had lunch with favourite girls & Mrs Tan (we squeezed into her car). Then to Saga City & Art Friend to get stuff Mrs Tan need to paint her homeroom. Jill was facinated with thick 6B pencils & black carbon sticks (that made her fingers ewww black & dirty). So she wanna do art. Ooooh Jill, service yeah? Hahah.

I'm feeling sick, so maybe no school for me tomorrow. So much for being frighten last night & waking up at hourly intervals. I need sleep.

What I do & who I am, that's all I have to give. What you get is what you see, no second guessing, no pretending. All I ever have to be is me.

Knew that was over my head

Div1 finals result was 4-1 to Rec's favour. Chin up, everyone. What's important is that you girls played well alright? Good talking with Mrs Tan & Victoria. Went to meet mum & zoeleen. It was a wasted trip cause we didn't do much. Should have gone for dinner with Bernetta & Carolyn. All the best to all sitting for Chinese O's on monday. Blessed!

Somehow I know we'll be separated (is sucky).
I feel wasted (& tired & weary).

Walk through the doors of my mind

So my mum texted me this: Happiness isn't found at the end of the road. It is experienced along the way. So find a reason to be happy each day of your life. Life is beautiful (still looking for the right reason).

Num 6:24-25 "The Lord bless you & keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you & be gracious to you." Rejoice because Jesus (my saviour) is good! He sent me an angel who's gonna give me good help tomorrow. The dsa thing is growing worrysome. With my current (unpresentable) grades, I can only pray that a miracle will happen. Keep praying for me alright? Blessed are those who trust in the Lord :)

Something interesting. I bought lots of junk food yesterday during grocery shopping.

Here are some stocks in the fridge:
1) Four tubs of ice-cream
2) Some Yogurt
3) Few cartons of milk
4) Twiggies
5) Chips and honeystars
6) Sweeeetes & Chocolates
7...) Many more

Don't worry, I won't finish them up. I will not grow fat. & Jillian can be a successful comedian. Carolyn says that we should hire Jill to be the entertainer during parties cause she will really crack everyone up so much so that no one will stop laughing (Madeline almost fell off the chair). The "rubber lizard in the cereal" - I will not forget. Gooooood times :)

Who are you now? Are you still the same of did you change somehow.

I smell nice now cause I just showered. Okay I feel that I've alot of things to say. So today we had a talk from the Mind Champs team on examination strategies (how to cope/study smart). And I realised that foundation is the key to doing well in subjects like maths (which explains what I'm so bad at it). Much was reflected and learnt and words are just words so the only way it'll work is for me to apply it/put it in actions.

Went to watch the A'division Hockey Finals. It was really exciting. Especially the boys finals (which was a close fight). The way they run & dribble & pass & score put me in such great awe. & I looking at the skill level, I know that all that came from two words: hardwork & determination. So much memories came back and flooded my mind. Remember the things we do on the pitch, the painful & tiring trainings, mental-skills sessions and pre-match nervousness/tension. And especially B'division Finals last year and semi-finals & finale this year. Really, I'm missing the lovely pitch.

I dknw whether those memories will re-live cause we may be separated next year. But favourite girls, whatever decision you girls make, do it for the sake of your future. It's definitely gonna be a difficult/painstaking decision cause we're at the crossroad of our lives. Always know that beneathe all my 'whineings' of not wanting to be separted, I'll be supporting your choices. & I believe that our friendship will be long-lasting & will not be ruined by the paths we take. Actually I've been praying and weighing all the positives & negatives. So I've set my mind. I'm going for SAJC. Thank God for this beautiful four years that really changed me (who I am hates who I've been). If it's His heavenly plan from above, we'll be together (I'll keep my constant prayers). Okay sorry for the emo-talk. I feel like crying already, I really can't bear.

I realised something important today. There is NO such thing as I cannot make it or others are better than me. If others can do it, I'm sure I've the capability to do it too. Hardwork is really the key to success. I've been learning this tough lesson for many years. It's only this year that I came to have many encounters with the lesson of hardwork.

I can't help feeling wasted. But if yesterday didn't turn out the way you want it to be, always know that today is a new day! (Mrs Tan, this is for you!)

Above all my anxieties, sadness, fears, pain & insecurities, I know I've a glorious God. With Him, who shall I fear? I can just start crying now because of all the amazing things that had happened to someone so undeserving like me. Really, once you've experienced God's love & grace, you will be changed. It'd been mercy all the way.

A call to my Guilding Light (prayer)

Three hours of intensive chinese mass lecture was good (cleared my many doubts) but then again, I can't deny that it's boring. Am aiming for an A. Hur. The Microsoft Learning Gateway (MLG) training was quite boring (once again). We didn't do much and I haven't completed the surveys. At least we were allowed to surf the net cause the teacher was a newbie.

Okay now I've been surfing websites of JC(s) and I'm getting 'blurrer'. I do not understand some stuffs. So if we're allowed to apply for few Jc(s) then I think I'll apply for SAJC and maybe ACJC. The rest seems to be out for me. I'll be glad if I can get into an average one. Hopefully SAJC takes me (as "promised/told to be").

Okay, be constant in prayer(s) cause God works!
Eh bitchass (youknw who you're), I'm wondering why you haven't texted me. I've given you my number didn't I? I need to tell you something but I lost your number! Hurry la preeetty face. I'm gonna take a nap now :)

Tasting Thy grace & walking by faith

I went blog(s)-reading & it seems that many people (sec4s) have not done well for mids. Just calculated my L1R5 for my mids & I'm too ashamed to tell. So much for last minute work. I'm so disappointed with myself cause I know I can do so much better. I must buck up to get my As (which doesn't seem far cause I'm sure I can get it). If not even dsa won't be of help. The biggest problem (& worries) now lies with my maths. I'll be happy getting a B4/C5. I just gotta keep on praying bout it. Keep me in your prayers too okay?

Right now, I need to get my focus back cause my mind is broken into a million pieces in all different dimensions now. I can't think straight without worrying about something else.

Lord I long to see You Glorified, in everything I do.