i like this song,

beautiful soul

i don't want another pretty face
i don't want just anyone to hold
i don't want my love to go to waste
i want you and your beautiful soul

i know that you are something special
to you I'd be always faithful
i want to be what you always needed
then I hope you'll see the heart in me

i don't want another pretty face
i don't want just anyone to hold
i don't want my love to go to waste
i want you and your beautiful soul
you're the one I wanna chase
you're the one I wanna hold
i wont let another minute go to waste
i want you and your beautiful soul

your beautiful soul, yeah

you might need time to think it over
but im just fine moving forward
i'll ease your mind
if you give me the chance
i will never make you cry c`mon lets try

am I crazy for wanting you
baby do you think you could want me too
i don't wanna waste your time
do you see things the way I do
i just wanna know if you feel it too
there is nothing left to hide

i don't want another pretty face
i don't want just anyone to hold
i don't want my love to go to waste
i want you and your beautiful soul

your beautiful soul, yeah

she wants to go home, but nobody's home.

-

i'm sick of everyone, i hate this world i'm living in.

it's coming to an end of the second week of school and there's only one word; miserable. yes, school'd been really miserable, well at least to me. or rather, life'd been so miserable and unfair to me in many ways, or maybe, every way. so many uneventful things have been happening to me, and it just feels so wrong. it feels like being kicked and pushed around, nothing feels alright, no, you don't know what its like to be like me. sometime i just feel that my existance in this world is just so wrong, so wrong, really. sometimes i just wished i was someone else, or maybe born in a different part of the world. but of all places, why am i stuck in this hellhole here? i know it sounds crude, but well, i really can't take it anymore, i can't hide anymore. i seem extremely fine and normal, but all the things i hide, but do yknw how terrible and miserable i really feel deep inside? yes you do? no, i doubt so.

i don't want to make myself sound like i'm a girl trying to make myself sound very depressed, cos i need attention, but i don't. i hate to admit this, but well, maybe i am. its like so much i'm trying to put aside, so much i'm trying to forget, so much i'm trying to hide, but enough is really enough. its so difficult trying to be someone i'm not, always laughing and happy when deep inside i'm not. i'm not what i am, seem to you. you don't know what exactly i'm really like, no you don't. you can't feel the agony in me. i know this sounds a bit scary, but you don't know how exactly it feels, so you can't say no you don't believe, no you can't judge.

does anyone wants to be my punching/kicking bag? my ocassion bitchfits are here again. this is bad, it'll make me and you go crazy. so go away.
ohwell, i'm off. :(

with my big fat smile and stupid lies, but deep inside, i'm bleeding.

all for love's sake you came;

hey. it'd been quite some time since i blogged. year 2004 is already over and its year 2005 now. and yes, its back to school again. the past three days in school wasn't that bad. class was fine, though i still miss my class last year. but well, everything has to come to an end.

today was bad, very bad. i lost my watch which has a significent value to me(you really don't know how much that thing mean to me), and it'd always been very important to me. i think i left it in the cab when i alighted this morning in school. oh shitness, how careless can i get. i'm feeling so terribly terrible now. i'm surfing through the internet to find a way so i could order it from europe. ah, can anyone get it back for me please? :(((((((

i could see it on the cross.

its a total girl bling please

oh, its back home once again and yes i'm back from penang. it always feels good to be home, but this time, its different. i always dread having camps and trips and pray that they would end quickly, so i could get home as soon as possible. i thought the penang was a dread too, but it didn't end up to be that bad and scary as i thought it would be, it was nothing bad as i predicted and much better then expected. and oh my, i feel like staying there longer.

we went to penang for the pesta hockey tournament. but it was much more then just the tournament, it was just like a holiday. it is so fun, i tell you. we stayed in YMCA hostel(at least they have air-con and television, so its not as bad as a bunk room). the people in penang seem so much more friendly then those we see in johor.

but anyway, the last two days were the best. on the last night, we were at gurney plaza and the shopping mall is really huge and nice. they have most of the things we find in singapore. oh, they even have guess. the things there were cheaper then in singapore so shopping was good. after dinner, we went to play fireworks. yes, real fireworks that we can't play in singapore cos its banned. i was afraid that the fire crackers might explode so i didn't hold it, but i was beside carolyn, diana, dora and mr tan when they lighted up the fire crackers. the fireworks are so beautiful, it almost seem like meteor rain. how romantic. haha. :)

on the last day, we played with the thailand hockey girls from satit chula(i think thats the name of their school). oh my the thailand girls are so adorable and nice. we played a tough friendly game and after the game it was so fun after the game. we took photos with them. haha and i tell you, they're so adorable and cute. ah, i'm so going to miss them. and yes, thailand hockey girls from satit chula, i love.

i like the peace there
i like the food there
i like the friendliness there
i like the shopping there
i love that place(i only hate the big dogs)
penang; i love.

-

oh my, christmas is coming in four days,
its like so soon and i haven't gotten ready the cards and the presents.
oh no, i better be off to do it now.

-

i really really want the beautiful BURBERRY sheep. :)
would you buy it for me this christmas please?

all i want for christmas is not you, its the burberry sheep. :) buy it for me and i might be yours this christmas. haha what nonsense. but anyway, i'm off.

i've a present for you, but i need your arms to be the wrapping paper.

i had sore throat yersterday and i didn't feel well, so i didn't go for training, and today, i woke up and find that my sore throat is getting worst. okay, just blame myself for eating chips yesterday, despite knowing that i had a sore throat. so now i'm stuck at home with a terrible sore throat and i can hardly talk and sound clearly. oh shitness. anyway, so sorry i missed two days of training. :(

anyway, everyone's leaving for penang tomorrow night, and we won't be back till 21 december's morning(15-21 december). and this would prolly be my last post before i leave, cos i'm lazy and i've nothing much to blog about anyway. so, you could text me on my hp if you've anything urgent, cos i've auto roaming, but i won't leave my prepaid number behind anymore. okay, so take care, and i'm off. :)

when you open your eyes, you'll see that something is wrong

diet pills, surgery
photoshoped pictures in magazines
telling them how they should be
everyone's going crazy
but why does it make sense to me?

-

hey. i'm going to start my rantings and whinings again; i'm tired. yes, very tired. we had physical training today, so i had to wake up early again(its doesn't make a big difference, cause i can't sleep these days anyway) to go to ccab for training. i was early for the first time but brenda came later. is that a punishment for me for always being late? maybe. HAHA.

oh, then after training, brenda and i went to town to meet grace, leilani and yiting to shop for christmas presents. and they bought me a nice bag. haha how nice right? and we bum around till six plus before we decided that we're tired, so we headed home. and now, i'm so tired. i've nothing much to say anymore, so i'm off.

its all a big show, its all about you.

hey. i'm finally BACK from my hockey training camp in johor! and yes, i'm so glad to be home. i'm very super tired, i can just drop and die. this is the longest hockey camp we've ever had, its even longer then the one we had in september. this camp was five days and four nights.

we wake up at 5.30am every morning and we had to walk from the hotel(which i don't like cause the service was terrible) to the stadium. we had morning and afternoon trainings, as usual, and we did quite a lot of running and we had many friendly matches with the johor girls and i'm really burn out by them. and we also had video sessions between the trainings when we see ourselves play.

i was actually in the same room with brenda and carolyn, but mr bulb switched our rooms on the second day cause he wanted us to be in the same room with the players we're playing with so we can talk about our positional play. although we complained about the switching of rooms, we had no choice but we still had to switch rooms. it wasn't too bad for me cause i was put into the same room with felicia and hanwei. haha those two crazy silly girls, but i love.

we had the terrible and tired times but of cause we also had the sweet and fun times. many many long tiring trainings, so much of whining and complaining, so much of scolding from mr bulb, so much of screaming and sometimes blaming each other during games at the pitch, but so much of fun when we're in the hotel(its like we're holding a slumber party), so much of fun when we go out to eat together, so much of fun when we shop for groceries and do shopping at pelangi and so much of fun when we share secrets and talk till we sleep. haha.

oh, i'm gonna miss the good times. and yes, we all love the roadside stall and the ramly burgers! they taste so delicious and i'knw we're so gonna miss the food there and the ramly burgers especially. haha. but i'm still very glad to be home.

to the team, if you're reading this; i'm sorry for the mistakes that i've made time and time again in the games, and i'll make changes and improve them. and i'll do my running and improve on my timing for my runs and my sprints.

thats about all about the training camp in johor, cause i'm tired my eyes are going dry and i can't continue blogging anymore. so take care and yes, i'm BACK. HAHA :)

oh, christmas is coming and i can't wait.