Dream a Little Dream of Me

2006-10-17T20:50:00.000-07:00

So I say a little prayer, & hope my dreams will take me there

I promised (did I?) that I'll be back. & I am anyway, whether I did or not. This is probably one of the few entries I'll be posting here. I dknw who's gonna read this but I just wanna send my Best wishes to everyone doing O's alright?

I never really thought I would say this but, I especially wanna wish my class, Four St Bernadette Mighty Strength to finish this last lap well. Why Especially? I think we need the Most luck & strength to carry through. Don't be discouraged by the prelims alright? We all know in a way or two that the results are reflections of the amount of effort we all put in. So More effort = Better results alright? Erase all your bad/negative thoughts. Don't let them be your self-fulfillling prophecy. Really, I don't care what comments people may pass bout us, I don't care at all. Everyone of us can prove others Wrong, can't we? I know well we can. So all I wanna say is that no matter what, Never Never Ever Give Up!

To my fellow teammates, I'll be praying for Minds of Steel (in all of us). BRUCE!

& to every other friend, I wish you Best too.

Come what may, just know that you've given your best Best BEST.

2006-08-21T22:21:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the way we used to melt

Uhhhh I've decided to move to (attractiveattraction).livejournal.com. Anyhow, I won't disclose my new url so if you want you can ask from me online. However I may not give it to retain (my-new-wanted) privacy.

So bye (But I may come back). We'll see.

2006-08-20T07:12:00.000-07:00

Live not the Hand-me-down Dreams

Just watched the telecast of the Prime Minister's Nation Day Rally Speech. Well I have to say that he was quite interesting (from talkingcock.com to the Sjc inspired clay/sand Sg). He is one of the "cooler" father/man & is definetely in tune with the current new-age generation (cause my dad still can't accept/relate to multi-tasking ie. blasting music, online & doing work at the same time). My dad was laughing funnily when he heard what he said. Ahhhh I wish my dad was "cooler" like him hahah. If I ever become a mother (99% Not), I'll be a damn cool one.

I suddenly remembered something random but funny. Jillian once told me that Madeline was so excited one day she told Jill: "Let's get naked!" Hahaha man. One of those funny gooooood times (racy) thoughts.

School tmrw & I'm squjksgnity dreading it. Did so much maths (Imma loving it!) this weekend, I didn't believe I could do more. Tmrw/this week will be a more fruitful/productive day/week. Cause I'm already on board a fast (bullet) train. So if you come on board (study with me), I'll carry you along (zooooom we go).
PROMISE! Cause my promise is Finer than you.

2006-08-19T04:54:00.000-07:00

Deep inside I hope you feel it too

What a beautiful saturday night (So what a pity to be home). Too much commitments turn lives topsy turvy. Everyone is too busy for me today :(

Lesson for today is Divinity (authenticity, ie: how true is it) of the Bible & it's is really interesting. So I think I'm gonna share something I learnt with you. Firstly, it is estimated that 35 (Old Testament) writers worked on the different parts of the Bible independently without any specifications or collaboration with each other. On the day of assembly, all the different parts (written by writers with no relationship with each other) fitted perfectly without any adjustments or alterations! Can you imagine that? It's like 35 people (who dknw each other) each working on a part of a book & finally when they met to assemble the book, the story was all perfectly linked? It's not possible with the power of men. Only God is capable of such a feat! I marvel at Your saving Grace.

The easiest to relate (for all) will be the scientic facts. Lets talk about Astronomy & nuclear science. Isiah 40:22 tells us that the earth is round, "It is God who sits above the cirle (round, spherical) of the earth." The Book of Isiah was written in 700 BC, yet it was only the 15th century that scientist verified that the earth is round. Prior to that, men believed that the earth was flat & sailors feared that they may sail off the edge of earth. God knew everything that is gonna happen & records it in the Bible way before men even knew anything. How Great is our God!
(Btw all information is adapted from Uncle Hock Seng's sharing)

2 Corinthians 5:7 "For we walk by faith, not by sight."

Isn't it amazing that all the prophecies stated in the Bible has & is coming true? Indeed God is the author & finisher of Life! I swear I will not exchange a "666-mark of the Beast" (refer to Revelation 11:9) for a Lambourghini (I can't spell) hahah. It is especially important in the end days that we come to know the one & only true living God (Jesus Christ). I pray that you will hear of the gospel & accept it one day.

Anyhow, I bought nice stuffs & had yummy dim sum for dinner & I found some cool place for romantising & boooozing. Uhhhh so if you're going on a date but found trouble locating a sexy place you can come to me. I wanna eat mussels (someone ask me for delicious seafood). Next thursday (Fiona I hope) & saturday I'm free for study. Anyone who wanna help me with maths will be welcomed with open arms.

Glamour Indie Rock & Roll for weekend nights. I'll do much maths tonight, I promise. I'm getting on board a fast train.

If I could fall into the Sky
Do you think time would pass me by
Cause Youknw I'll walk a thousand miles
If I can just see you tonight
Goodnight.

2006-08-18T00:45:00.000-07:00

I wish you tell me the last thing I wanna hear

This is a new paragraph I'm just adding on to the ones I wrote just now (below). Just got home from GWC & I'm glad + feeling very proud of myself cause I (alone) studied for three solid (without breaking) hours (as good if not better then night study in school). I did alot of maths & SS (source-base). Cause I was thinking, if I stayed home, I'll be slacking or sleeping. Then I thought of the people doing night study in school & I suddenly feel that I need to buck up. & so I did! Bad thing is that I'm taking too much coffee lately :(

Uhhhh so yesterday was one of my most productive study session I've ever had. Thanks Hannah. Weiting was just telling me in school that cgs girls are always focussed. Haha I think to a certain extent that's true! - Look at my sister (she studys six-seven hours a day wth). Sometimes (like now) I wish I can be like her.

I'm considering if I should go night self-study sessions in school. I think I'll be further driven when I see the whole auditorium of students giving the Best fight of their lives. Practical exams are comencing next week. Need to read up on an/cat-ions.

I am asking for the last time. Anyone(!!) who wants to study out at Plaza Sing Starbucks tmrw at bout 6pm please text me. Carolyn, Hitomi, Madeline & Marissa please get back to me tonight! I need maths help. Good day!

2006-08-17T01:56:00.000-07:00

Your heart is as ugly as sin

Just got home from Suntec City. Madeline is such a silly ass! The incident went like this.. I asked Mad if she wanted to accompany me to Raffles City to buy my Nike shirt. So she said okay (with no obligations) in the end. Unfortunately, the branch at Raffles City ran out of stock. But the salesman reserved the shirt for me at the Suntec Branch. Mad was reluctant to go but so sweetly, she went (again, no obligations). But this time, she was rushing (walked so quickly till we got there and back to City Hall). She was going to buy some facial masque so I went home. Guess what? When I reached home, she texted me to tell me that she thought I was following her to buy the masque. But I didn't even know I was suppose to go with her (she didn't even tell me). Haha then she got angry with herself for being so silly. What a day! Sorry Mad :( I'll make it up to you, I promise. Anyhow, I bought my shirt & am happy :D

You see, this is what happens when you don't make your thoughts known. Till date, I only have divine connection/telepathy with Carolyn. She's the only one I can look into the eye & she gets my thoughts (not a hundred percent though). It took us four years of cultivation hahah. So if there's anything you want to let someone know, don't wait. Make known & not make-believe!

Gotta go & meet Hannah at BurgerKing (minus the food) for some study now. Am still looking for anyone who wants to study at PS this saturday evening. I need help with freeeeaking maths. Ring me. Study hard folks.

2006-08-15T23:51:00.000-07:00

Hearts are empty rooms & Splendor falls

So after much affirmation, I've decided to start a time table so I can keep track of my (accelarating) pace till prelims. & a new one after prelims. I will work on the first time table today. Countdown to prelims is: twenty six days & to actual O's is sixty seven days. I'm not running away but I'm right on my way.

Could I ever ____, but life goes on...

UNSOLVED Suffocated wronged reasons bad days superficial unpredictable whore collide possibilities uninspired promises supposingly faded cynical funloving killjoy mistakes runaway genuine brokeness insecurities disease dark bittering MYSTERIES
(JAMPACKED thoughts, for you)

2006-08-15T05:42:00.000-07:00

I'll break it down for you

Blessed sixteenth, Hannah! :) You've been a sweet blessing to my life. Thank you for all your witty encouragements that always come so timely. Continue to rise in the arms of Faith & walk in the Light of God. Youknw how MUCH I love you <3

Marissa, I'm blogging for you (fellow blogfan of mine:), aren't I?

So school was as bad as it could get. Every teacher is telling us how tough this "last leg" is gonna be. & sadly, it'd just started. Being a sec4 is tiring. There're just so much uncertainties. I'm already feeling the beat(ness). Only funny thing that happened was that Weiting couldn't figure out how I got to the conclusion that the soldier was "sympathatically affectionate" for the beggar woman (literature btw). I don't like unseen cause I don't like to interpret poetry & prose. I did my SS & History essay & I'll do maths tonight.

Can't wait for the weekends. Least, I'll get some break from this speedy pace. Plaza Sing this saturday night for some books + coffee (& maybe booze). I also want deeeeeep-talk. I've alot of things to spill. Anyone? Ring me up.

Then to Delta to watch the C'div Finals. It's always this "could have" feeling. Can't help but feel wasted for the juniors. Anyhow, it was a good season & many things worth learning from. The roaring crowd always gives the Finals feeling. I've nothing to comment but I like the drums.

Youknw what? So near YET so far (I feel SO DAMN cheated ahhhhh). Why is there such a thing called fate falling short? This wait for destiny won't do! This is such a tragedy, I suddenly feel so jaded. DAMNIT.

2006-08-14T04:03:00.000-07:00

Every thing you do is tragic

School was rather short today. Missed the first three lessons. Cause the Ij Kellock little girls came over to use our new track for their 1.6km run. Some of them are sooooo small & cute! You should've seen man. We were err the helpers? Yeah so Hitomi, Jillian & I were the first (no such word) "aid-ers" (even though we've no saving experience). There were two girls who puked. Ahhhh I didn't expected it. Maybe it was running inertia? By literature class, I was falling asleep. Then was english oral. It was so mucccch better than the chinese one. Just that the male examiner looked so sickening & not bothered. Anyhow, hope I'll get my distinction this time yeah.

Cabbed to Delta for the last ten minutes of the C'div game. They lost 1-0 :( It was a disappointment. I mean, they beat the same oppenents 3-0 to qualify for semis. So we were expecting a win but.. Maybe like Mrs Tan said, luck wasn't with us (both divisions) this year. But then again, if we were really meant to win, we won't even need luck to be on our side, do we? Tiong Bahru Market with Jill & Mrs Tan and we had some good laughing about the past. Like Jill said: "I miss the good old days." Where art thou'?

It'd been four years of joy & bitterness. Epitome of bitchiness & sorrows. People either change for the better or deteriorate further. But all the memories, I'll keep.

2006-08-13T00:52:00.000-07:00

I long to rise in the arms of faith

Plaza Singapura yesterday with Carolyn in search of her graduation shoes. Man, I swear she's one of the most fussy thing (with crazy moodswings & sudden highs) :( Good thing I held my threshold high. Oh yeah she was high when Weiting appeared (Haha). Met Hannah too. It was nice talking sweetie :) Booze was silent & coffee suddenly roared. Btw I saw my eyecandy! Anyhow, if you feel all stressed up, go grab a Nestle Mango Sorbet. It's so yummy(!) it makes you feel refresh. You must try it! Or get a hairy Zespri Golden KIWI (I Love)! (No no, I really don't get paid for advertising)

I've English oral tmrw so I dknw if I can make it for the C'div last game. I will try to rush down. Anyhow, all the way juniors!

I'm beginning to see the goodness of God all over again.

Vindicate me, O Lord.

2006-08-11T05:24:00.000-07:00

No matter how I fight it, can't contain it

The trigger lasted me for the whole morning until results were released. Anyhow I didn't do well (so far from what I'd expected). Yeah I am disappointed, who isn't? It's only human to cry but I guess mourning it won't make it better. So I've decided to be brave & look forward. Thank God for the support from my mum too. So for those who didn't do well too, chin up & go for the second try. Especially Bernetta alright? My silly girl, trust me I feel as horrid as you do. But we'll keep each's faith okay? Your sweet friend is always here! God will bless the broken road, I will strengthen you :)

Thanks Hannah. You really turn my day around & made me feel better. Well, I guess it these sincere thoughts that really helps. Take good care girl, I'll see you soon. All that will give me peace of mind is that God is in control :) Our redeemer lives!

I didn't really cry cause graduation phototaking is tmrw. I've a pretty white dress and I want to look pretty like everyone else. Don't wanna look fugly like white chick (everyone, laugh & I hope that'll turn your bad day better). But I have a huge bruise :(

Ahhhh I've so much jampacked feelings.

2006-08-10T07:07:00.000-07:00

Where I lose myself I will find You

I dknw what's up with me but I've been feeling the anxiousness cause Chinese O's results will be released tmrw. Seriously, I really dknw what to expect. It's either I'll do acceptably well or I'll screw it. There's no average I guess, since my oral was bad. But I really don't wanna retake it. God, I feel so insecure.

I didn't know we were doing pre-Ndp celebrations. Fringe celebrations, they call it. Pumping balloons yesterday was actually fun. But morning was wasted cause we spent most of the time waiting, slacking, getting hooked on gameboy + ipod, texting & taking photos. I think we spent four to five hours pumping the balloons. So many burst! :( Sad thing was that in less than a hour we gave away all the balloons. But that was rather fun though.

My mum bought me Hillsong's new album, Mighty to Save. It has preetty nice songs but not rocky like United or Planet Shakers. Anyhow, I'm still loving it! :)

A thousand times I've failed but your mercy remains
& should I stumble again, still I'm caught in Your Grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all things fades
In my heart, in my soul, I give you control

2006-08-08T05:53:00.000-07:00

So find a reason to stay alive

I am sun-kissed (more like burnt) & I swear I look red like a four-hours boiled crab who's too shy to look at her lover :( Training was Friendly with the C'div but it turned out we didn't play much. But I felt happy being on the pitch again after a long silence. Good thing was that the old farts (Sec4s) were spared of fitness.

National day celebration in school today. If there wasn't training I wanted so much to attend, I wouldn't even have gone to school (I had horrendous cramps yesterday). & as usual, every single one was extremely patriotic screeeeeeeeaming I-deeply-love-my-nation-I-only-can-show-it-on-National Day songs. Oh, sappy songs for the nation.

I dknw why but it feels exciting I'm going to the Ndp tmrw (even though I'm not a die hard patriot). Hur even though it meant awaking early :( It's (un)cool we're gonna have early entry to the stadium like say, 9am to pump balloons? I wanna see the sexy fireworks & screeeeam! Oh, they say Ms Wong's brother is cute so I hope I'll see him since they're going too hahah. I will find Bernetta & Madeline at the Yellow sector :) Jillian & Hitomi, 7.20am at Macs, don't be late (we all know the penalty). Ah, even the Ndp can be Blissful with the presence of friends <3

It feels incredibly great now that the Dsa offer stage for phase2 is over and everyone knows where're they're heading. Now that our fate is sealed, we won't have any worries for each other.

Chinese results will be released on Oh-Dreary-Friday (Why why why). I saw the prelims time-table today & Shucks (with a Capital S). My anxiety level shot up higher than a meteor star. There are days when we have three/at least two different subject papers. What is this man. They have to crash our prelims even before we get a chance to do prevent it from crashing. Sometimes the Shit must be thrown at our faces before we can dodge.

2006-08-06T03:11:00.000-07:00

Each day I live I want to be a day to give the Best of me

It's time like this when I can't help but feel that life is unfair. Well, this time differently. It wasn't unfair for me but somehow I felt that life'd been too good to me. Or more specifically, God is too good to me. It's just I just feel that I'm not worth it for such blessings yet. But it just dawn upon me that I should shut up & get to work to prove myself worthy. God is just so amazing. I've been experiencing His wonder especially this year. Some things are too secretive to be mentioned but really, I've been feeling the wonder. It's like the whole earth is turning & changing itself just to fit my needs. Yes, quite coincidentally but I bet it's not any luck. I believe that just as God has provided for some of my friends, He'll do the same for me. Anyhow, my adventure/walk with God just started & I know it's gonna be a lifetime of grace.

Jesus is so good, too good to me (I can never explain it in words).

2006-08-04T07:38:00.000-07:00

They don't see you the way I do

So that's the end of another week. I realise I only blog on friday(s). Maybe it's a good idea to just sum up the week instead of writing an entry everyday. Today was literature mock exam :( But I guess it went well, at least for me I think. We've taken three weeks of mock exams & it's so tiring! The worst is yet to come. After that we rushed down to Ccab to watch the junior's semifinals. It's nice to see how brave the girls are but it's okay about the loss. From scratch to semifinals, shouldn't all of you be proud that you've come this far? Chin up girls. Finally 4Nations (Japanese girls are kickass) & home. I'm beat.

There're much I wanna say but my brain is at a standstill now I've no idea why. I'm buying my graduation white dress tmrw (I hope) cause phototaking is next saturday? I wished I was with the later group. Btw I'm gonna go to the Ndp. Not (really) to watch but to help out. I heard that we've to blow up (actually pump) the ballons & distribute them? I cross my fingers & hope they won't burst. But I figured that pumping ballons are nicer & cooler than standing in front of the many people & teaching them how to use the clapper or worst, usher millions of people around.

Mrs Tan, if you're reading this please give me till monday to give you the names & everything for the IJ Bukit Timah Cip okay? I did it in a rush & I'm not sure if I've compiled correctly. Sorry & Thanks!

2006-07-31T04:37:00.000-07:00

You're a star in nobody's eyes but mine

I'm feeling very full. Not that I ate alot but I think it was because Hit, Jill & I bought this 473ml Ben&Jerry Pfishe Fudge (or something simliar) & we dugged into it. Hmm maybe not dug, that sounds too disgusting & crude. Nontheless, I don't have to tell you that all Ben&Jerry(s) are delicious, do it? So today was Cca phototaking. We were scheduled at 4.40pm (so late) & we had cranky photographers (who spoke hokkien to convent girls & were too rude). Good thing is that we took many preeeeetty photos :)

I dknw what got me here, but I know this is a very random entry. So pardon me. I am now getting determined to study very hard. At least I know where I'm heading.

2006-07-28T02:24:00.000-07:00

Would you care if you're the last one standing here

Just occured to me that it'd been a week since I wrote an entry. Each day I wake up I feel as though I've been injected with depressant. The dosage is overwhelming. It makes me tired. This had been a horriblyhectic week. Even though monday was a holiday & this was only a four-day study week, I'm beat. Three mock exams & a class test. What is this man. Other than mocks after mocks, chemistry lessons, I feel that school is a waste. I could have been more productive at home. Even if it meant sleeping for days. At least I could get some rest I'm so badly deprived of.

There're many things I wanna say but it just happened that I'm having brain-block. Maybe I should have some good news to activate my cells. Congratulations to the C'div girls. They topped their pool & will be playing their Semifinals next week. That's something we're all proud of. What we missed, I hope they'll get it back. Get it back for us, work your way to the Finals.

Just something that cracked (rare chance) me up today. I was telling Jaspreet how much I wanted a 100k for some mad-shopping. I (lied) that I was going to try my luck on 4D. Youknw what she said? She was like, "No need la. Just go look at the Longan fish". Omg she calls luohan fish longan. So now, everyone I hope that cracked your miserable day. Pass it on :)

Unfaithful by Rihanna is a nice song :)

Madeline, I'm really sorry for just now. It was a silly accident. I swear I didn't meant for it. It was a honest mistake. Don't worry, you're still preetty as ever. & trust me, the tiny bump will go away very soon. I'm really feeling very bad. You've been the best & you've one of the most beautiful soul I've come across for a long time. & I said that not just because I'm a sweet friend but really, I mean every bit of it. Good is good is Madeline. Really, the guy that gets you next time is lucky shit. What can I say? You're the best.

Favourite Girls,
everytime you hear the rolling thunder
you turn around before the lightening strikes
& does it ever make you stop and wonder
if all your good times pass you by?
I don't hold no mystery
but I can show you how to turn the key
cause all I know is where I started
so downhearted & that's not where you want to be.

Imma always here & forever love <3

2006-07-25T01:37:00.000-07:00

You lift my burdens, I'll rise with You

The moment I stepped into school today, I suddenly felt that my time left in the school was little. Not that I'm gonna miss the school or anything but it just hit me hard that my time is running. Frankly speaking, I've lost all my motivation & drive to study hard like I did last term. No, I did not burnt out. I guess although I don't mention it, I was really disappointed with my Maths results, for the amount of effort I'd put in. I dknw how to put it. I know to fight disappointment/failure is to work harder but my confidence level is now depleting to zero. This is such a trauma. Anyone, please pray for me.

I guess this whole Dsa issue is coming to an end. So much of talking, discussing & considering the friendship factor was tough. It's good now that all of us knows where we're heading next year & it thrills me to move out of this hellhole to a hopefully better environment & the next phase of life. We don't have much to discuss about our choice of Jc & even get upset or confused over our decisions. I think it's happening to many teams in many schools. All I know now is that I'm gonna have Carolyn, Hitomi, Madeline & Nicole Benny with me at Sajc & that's enough to keep me happy (& extremely thankful). But Bernetta, Jillian & Marissa, I will not forget you girls. As long as we all know that we'll always be Favourite Girls, nothing will separate us. I still have to say this cause I can't stop saying & however much I say, it can never contain all of my thankfulness - I thank God (Jesus) cause He has provided for me.

So just an encouragement (not that I'm doing great but it's good to share) to all those out there who're struggling with the trauma(s) of life. Look forward & never forget to dream cause dreams do come true. When you feel that life's a bitch, look to the night sky. Look at the stars, look how they shine for you :)

"It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord & sing praise unto Thy name O most high." Ps 92:1

2006-07-21T19:10:00.000-07:00

Love me do, I love you do.

This has been an hectic week. With so much homework & mock papers thrown in, there's not much time for me to be online (explains my silence on blog). Even history is starting to take it's toll. Guess I've been released from the computer-addiction. I'm starting to dislike school even more :( My time is runnnnnning.

Today is Sing to the Dawn. We shoudn't have bought tickets Gala-night. They gave us a million & one rules of what we can't wear. So we're expected to be in hmm, evening dress/gown? I don't think I'm really bothered I'm gonna wear jeans & somehow make it look formal.

Favourite girls, many things are happening, sometimes not the way we want it & even taking it's turn but no matter what may happen, just follow your heart & believe in your decisions. There're some things we can't change. Although I can't keep my mouth shut & keep whineing that I want all of your presence next year, I truly still support all the decisions made. Happiness is where our hearts are right? & maybe separation will draw us even nearer? I dknw what to say but let's just look forward to the next phase of our lives alright? I give you girls my Best wishes <3

Just printed Dsa phase2 form for Madeline & I should be off to meet the girls for some odd-shopping.

2006-07-13T07:33:00.000-07:00

& I was a kaleidoscope

I'm so knackered by school. Glad that it's friday tomorrow but then again, there's one more long day to go (plus chemistry practical that starts at 3.30pm!). That's late & I don't like it. The (kafkaesque) mock exams are starting next week & there'll be many late days in school. The crashing pressure really killjoy. But I can do it cause I don't believe you can activate your sterotype on me. You're not gonna win that from me.

Don't mind what people say. Hold your head high & walk away.

I do not like sterotypes. I stress on, do not. So if you think you (I dknw who you are but if I know I'll get my ass right to you & catfight wityou but if you're someone I know then I'll be sadly disappointed) wanna sterotype me or maybe think that I'm not good enough for certain things then please do come to me & say it into my face. I am wierd? Yes I absoultely think Imma wierd too. But I feel that I have less kooky brains than you. If I wasn't good enough or shall I put it as I don't deserve it, do you think things will come easy on me? Btw it didn't & it wasn't easy. You can't be better off if you can open your mouth to make such sterotypes. Cause all you see/think is a backward thought (too many possibilities now) of where I should be. Yeah maybe I was lucky & you buggers just fell short of that least bit of luck (or maybe you just ain't good enough). Damn you.

& no, this isn't a case of spamming.
Maybe it's just my periphrasis.
I'll just throw it all away. Sorry & Goodbye.

2006-07-11T01:06:00.000-07:00

& I'm thinking of you, I do every year
When we count all our blessings
& wonder what we're doing here

Am feeling so cramped up. Today was my first day at sick bay, for three lessons. Had some good talking with Joanne :) Anyhow, Mdm Zuraida told us that school ends at 12.30pm next friday cause it's the opening show for musical, Sing to the Dawn. & the consecutive monday will be a holiday (polling day hol). Am so looking forward to the extended hols. Chinese listening is next monday & youknw what? I'm now searching frantically for my entry proof. Goodness me, I hope I'll find it.

Give me all you feel, throw it away. Think about the good things no matter what they say. We'll take tomorrow one day at a time.

2006-07-10T04:13:00.000-07:00

& nothing will I fear as long as You (Jesus) are near

I wanna shout, no screeeeeam to the world & proclaim that I have a great God. So just now Mr Ben Soh from Sajc called me to tell me that my dsa application has been approved. There ends all my dsa worries. & also adds on to my faith & I will keep studying harder & harder. Youknw why God is so amazing? He's too good to me, too merciful to a wretch like me. Seriously, I (used to) take each day as it comes (some say happy-go-lucky), I used to think only for today, not even worrying for tomorrow. But God is so gracious, He has paved such a beautiful way out for me. I saw things in poor light but He sees things afar & make all things good in His time. Really, He is my comforter, deliverer, provider, my ever-present help in times of need (never been forsaken). I have such great privillege to be a child of God. What can I say? Jesus, You're in control.

Zidane was such a disappointment. What was that silly mistake for? It caused damage to the nation's pride.

2006-07-09T04:55:00.000-07:00

& I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'll understand

It's not like I'm shutting my eyes or heart to all my faults. It's not like I don't admit my wrongs. I tried to smooth away the difficulties but there're snags everywhere. Which is the right side of the cloth? There are faults on both sides. Who is without faults? Well, if there was one person, it definetely wouldn't be me. Life is not all beer & skittle. The moment we gave our first cry, we're all liable to sins. No one gets a chance to start on a clean slate. I'm no special & so what makes me?

Okay I've been thinking hard & I figured I need/must start a study group asap. I need to get down to serious work & I can't do it at home. Too many distractions (eg, bed). We can do serious work from monday to thursday then friday we can go hunt for food at night. Maybe we can call it a Eat-Books-Club. That's wishful thinking on my part. I'm not sure if any of you wanna do it. Another alternative is someone please open up their house for me to study after school. I dknw what hit me but Jennifer was the first that came to my mind. Anyhow, this is not exclusive (although I would like to keep it small) so if you're interested just let me know. Seriously, you can be anyone (no sick ah-peks that is).

Was watching the third placing game yesterday & I felt that Germany, with all the hardwork & extra effort they put in (plus roaring fans & undestructable national pride) sort of deserve to be playing in the finals. Not that Italy don't but I feel quite a pity for Germany. Then in the game last night I saw the bravest (best quality) side of the human heart. That fighting spirit & courage (sorry if i'm wrong) can be best & most seen on the sporting field. It's stronger than the wind, louder & fiercer than a lion's roar & the heart/passion beats faster than a cheetah run. Such braveness will be seen in great sporting heros. Hopefully France will get to celebrate tonight. This world cup I've conqured/controlled all my urge to bet. Braveness, isn't it? Hur.

2006-07-06T21:39:00.002-07:00

This world has been crying for so much more

Youknw watching the Portugal vs France game really reminded me of something. Only realised it when the game ended. It happened exactly to us in the semi-final. Well we were "Portugal" and we gave away a penalty in the first-half and "France" in our case was St Nicks, scored & the final scoreline was a painful 1-nothing. So if everything goes the way it went for us then I think France will win (I wanted & France will win). Btw the penalty scored was a blast & boy we can't deny that Zidane at age 34 is still such a sexy (& strong) beast, can we?

Anyhow, that was just some random thought that came to my mind after the game. Am suffering from major cramps (damn the period) so I gave school a miss cause anyway there isn't many lessons. Considering that chinese o's is over and all we do for chinese class (double period today) now is talk. This weekend I must dig my drive (to study).

Am craving to eat at Chomps. Anyone? Ring me.

Well it's the weekend once again & may I just prompt you to count your blessings for the week? Cause God is everyday merciful, give Him Glory!

2006-07-05T04:56:00.000-07:00

Growing Pains - Everything we were has become what we are

Sweetest Sixteen, MADELINE!
Sweetie, I swear like the stars & the moon in the sky, I'll always be there. Really do not know express how much I appreciate you in my life. Remember all the hockey trips overseas, camps, trainings, late nightouts, dinners, BBQ&stayover (huge spider! & permed hair!!), shopping, phonecalls, deep&heartfelt-talk(s) & of course Obm Lumut(!!). Trouble times you were there & also to share the good times. You've been such joy & wonderkid. I wouldn't want you missing in my everyday life next year (youknw what I mean). I wanna scream a loud THANK YOU! From the depths of my heart, I thank God for you. All the best loving & wishes (study hard, get a happy job, marry a good husband, give birth & let me be their God-mother okay deal!) from me & as long as I live it will never change.

Apparantly anyone who'd taken their Chinese O'level Oral will tell you that they blew it. Well at least that's what I've been hearing. & no, it's not comforting to know that others are blowing it up (just as I felt I did). It is really that bad? What I gotta say to those whineing is that stop struggling with the I-killed-my-Oral-thus-will-do-badly feeling. Just let go la!

Interview at Sajc today & I guess it was pretty alright although I expected more of myself. Anyhow, I should just work hard, pray & let God do the rest. Today was a tired day. I think because I woke up at 3am to watch the WC semi-finals. Was waiting to eagerly & excitedly to see penalty shootouts then Italy just had to score at the last two minutes to kill my eagerness (& also killing Germany). I figured that if I can apply such discipline (force myself to wake up) & eagerness to my studies, it would have been brilliant. I'll be trying. But I guess it was a fair win cause Italy have really excellent ball possesion & super-sharp tackles. Also not forgetting the two beautifully side-net goals. Germany shouldn't even be sad (maybe disappointed) cause I think they played well, pressuring Italy at every ball & holding on so tight till the end. Makes me miss the competitiveness in the pitch.

& also not forgetting to congratulate the juniors for their first victory in their first game. Saw the hockey blog on their win & it reminded me so much of the good times (oh sweet victory). Keep the goodwork & keep soaring!

2006-07-01T10:57:00.000-07:00

Missed me while you were looking for yourself out there

England game was a major disappointment. So full of nonsense & perhaps drama. Germany vs Argentina was much better. At least there was exciting penalty kicks last night but poor kicks from England just now. Conclusion: I wanted England to win but they lost :(

Suprisingly I'm not feeling tired so I shall watch the 3am game too. Hockey alumni gathering tomorrow & I'm gonna make salad. So I gotta wake up early to cut & wash the stuffs. I don't know why I'm blogging & I don't want to talk anymore. I am feeling pissy & grumpy now. I shall use the iSqueez (& iPamper are two new luxurious items at home). Thank God.

2006-06-30T05:22:00.000-07:00

Take my broken-ness, call me to your side

Chinese Oral was a horror. I think I should not be elaborating. Recieved a call to be down at Sajc next wednesday for an interview. I wonder if it's a good/bad news. Don't really know what to expect too. I must to buy the Joy Luck Club guide book this week. I wanna sleep but I'm afraid I won't wake up to catch the exciting fight between Germany & Argentina. Well, no one seem to be betting cause it's such a risky bet on your cold hard cash yeah?

Xinni loves soccer boys.
Below is unnatural Xinni for you. Check it out!

Xinni: Haha but i still love my kaka.
Xinni: So handsome!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charisa: Eeeeeeeyer you're so gay
Xinni: Haha yeah im gay. I'm happy mannn.
Charisa: Sure thing man.
Xinni: Haha yeah!
Xinni: Hahaa! what? kaka is cute! im kaka crazy!
Xinni: Yeah he has that boyish charm to sweep any girl of her feet!
Xinni: Hahhaa too bad he is married. Yeah his bride is like 18.
Charisa: HOTTER THAN YOU LA.
Xinni: Ok looking only la. Haha I also know. Damn sad.
Charisa: Why sad? Find a Kaka look-alike la.
Xinni: Hard to find man. There's only one Kaka.
Xinni: Just look at his face. OMGGGGGG CUTE!

Suddenly, I felt that Xinni is a pitiful lost(love) girl.
Okay I'm running out of nonsense. Goodbye sweeties.

2006-06-29T01:03:00.000-07:00

Have you seen the keys that leads to me?
Cause I can't find myself, I'm running out of time.

School is very very tiring. It drains me. In & out, up & down (if there's such a thing). I certainly hope next week will be better. Tomorrow is friday & I'm so looking forward to cause it's close to the weekends (btw an extended one till monday). Only thing I'm not looking forward to is Chinese O's Orals. Frankly speaking, I'm not prepared & boy, that's why I am fretting now, digging into a guide book (all the hot topics that're likely to be tested). & it's really dreading cause being index number one, I'm the second last to take the oral exam cause being so 'lucky', Michelle & I are the only two from our class having to take the exam tomorrow (attached to the end of 4A). The rest of the class will be taking it the following week on tuesday so they'll have the weekend more to prepare.

So tomorrow will be an exciting day. Chinese orals, beginning of the extended weekend & Germany(!!!) vs Argentina(!!) all together are just too exciting. I don't think I will be able to sit still.

Okay I am so fretting.

2006-06-27T00:59:00.000-07:00

You've had it all along the bravest heart of mine

Deleted the previous entry cause after steaming off I found myself vulgar. Don't worry, it was just some anger provoked by my dad. I was thinking of moving out/running away. But I think it was my monthly alarm/moodswing. Ohwell I guess all is well now. School has started & is boring plus I gotta wake up so early. Sometimes I wished I was home-schooled. Then I can wake up later, plan my schedule/time table & have the comforts of my home when studying (fridge!). Hur. Btw the school's new mini hockey pitch is up. So small like smaller than a quarter of a full pitch but still better then nothing :)

I feel sleepy I wanna sleep goodbye!

2006-06-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

Only the stars knows your way

Went to Johor yesterday for food oh glorious food. Seafood dinner was really good. Didn't have much time to do shopping. Today will be church outing/bbq & I'm not gonna eat much cause I've been on a huge binge lately. Sort of gotten enough of good food. Was visiting blogs and I suddenly felt that I've been detached from so many people. Some have changed their url, some have changed their blogskins/template. & I discovered some preeeeetty good new layouts. Okay I know I'm slow but hey I haven't been bothered to read blogs these days. Geez. Well, actually it'd been very long since I read most of your blogs. Gotta change some links but am lazy today.

Alright, my stand is that Germany & Argentina will reign today, whatdo'cha think? Gotta refrain from watching late night games when school starts. Bad things are happening. I think I am feeling the stinky aura. The worst of all, school is starting on monday.

2006-06-21T21:04:00.000-07:00

Forgive me my weakness cause I don't know why

Little books/things can get me thinking & reflecting, unless of course they are pitiful emo-arousing stories or painful sights/experiences of over-comers. Lately did I realise that history has that sort of power it gets me thinking. I think, why did the many war(s) happen, what so strong could arouse hatred that can make men torture, rape & kill? Really, something must be strong enough to make them do gruesome things like that.

History is bitter. I think it all started with different idealogies, greediness & selfishnes of men that resulted in that great hatred & then slowly pain & death(s). I would never want to live a day of such horror. Both shame & regret (not me!) to look back on the past wrongs. I think history is wasted (maybe except the fact that hopefully we learn from it).

Now I watch the news everyday & I think we (people in Sg) should really just count our blessings (I'm not trying to promote National pride or whatsover even though National Day is coming hur). Everyday in news, we see many countries suffering from natural disasters, poverty & broken up families (even divided countries). Then here we have so much comfort maybe too much which made us too full (too much food), we start to complain. Complain bout the heat but hello, I think compared to those countries suffering from floods, hurrincane & earthquakes, we'd better shut up. Oh so much glorious food we suffer from over-nourishment (hmm never got a taste of poverty) & in some sad cases ended up getting cancers. All have a roof over our heads but we still complain that we don't have a spacious enough house, a only small car to drive. Sometimes I think we're so pampered we deserve to be slapped (or rather shot). Actually I think we paid (in a way) for our blessings. We 'exchanged' raw materials (cause we're without) with good climate & no earth-shaking natural disasters (so far). Worthy 'exchange', if you think the same way cause we're without raw materials but yet we seem to be prospering at a good rate. I think I'm making some sense here (this is to those who're not senseless/****** who think all great bout their small self), right?

Such Shame (on ourselves).

Sorry, my mind'd been wild lately, thinking of really wierd things. My all-long (sorry no such words but i hope you get my drift) ambition even changed! I wonder why am I talking bout wierd things which I hope they somehow link. I bet no one at sixteen will have such wierd thoughts. Meaning I'm wierd (or becoming)?

Anyhow, soccerooos, I'm back. Goody news Germany & England will not meet any soon. I know this news is too late cause I was too sleepy to show my happiness here after watching the England game till 5am. & I didn't come online yesterday so forgive me. But as an England fan (maybe), I should somewhat rejoice I guess. England's not exactly performing superbly well (letdown sometimes) but I think they have the potential. Just that their strikers never seem to score (most of the goals are coming from the midfield). Like the goal Joe Cole scored & Gerrard is still the best man. So sad Owen is injured & out for five(!!) months :( Btw cheer for Japan (vs Brazil) at 3am, pray for underdog luck yeah.

2006-06-19T23:39:00.000-07:00

You can try to hide away every drop of rain
that's hanging over you

I was studying history & I finally realised the significance of the past & the importance to learn from it. Well, luckily men did if not we would still be living the way men did centuries ago. I guess without yestersay(s) (history), we wouldn't have a more peaceful & happier today/tomorrow.

I have this great urge to share something interesting & hilarious that's why I came online to add an entry. I was studying about China and I realised that the most ridiculous things had happened in history. Was learning the 1911 Revoultion & the consequences the revolution brought. One of the consequence was really funny. So, during the period of the anarchy, life became worst for the peasants. The Warlords allowed the Landlords to push rents up & collect taxes in advance. In Sichuan (a part of China) by 1923, the local Warlords had collected taxes in advance up to 1968. Some simple maths, 1923 to 1968 = 45 years!! Oh man imagine you were the poor peasant who paid taxes in advance up to forty five years. Say you were 65 year old (back-breaking but still working in the fields just to pay rent & taxes in advance). You wouldn't even live up to 110 years old to live the taxes you've paid. Oh what corruption :( Such poor peasants.

Funny/ridiculous yet pitiful (for the peasants), isn't it? It certainly cracked my day & boy, I sure found some small interest in studying history. Speaking of Sichuan, youknw the Sichuan beef noodles served at SilkRoad Noodle Bar is so yummy! & not forgetting the delicious Xiaolong Pao & Scallop Dumplings (Sorry to those who've not eaten their lunch). For a moment you'll find yourself eating in "modern China". Hur.

Anyhow, soccerooooos (I'm not much of a kickball/soccer girl but I love watching games & the excitments cause it kills). Anyhow, there are again exciting games today/tomorrow. I certainly hope that Germany & England wins tonight to top their group so they won't meet each other yet in round two (cause I feel it's too early for such killer excitments) but even if fate fell short & they've to meet, it would be interesting, wouldn't it? I really hope Owen plays. Dknw if I should say I'm happy that Crouch might not be playing but well let's see what Rooooney (the oh-so-prized teen star) gotta give. I think England needs Gerard & Lampard alot to back up their defence & push up the attacks so hope they play but don't get carded. But well, as fans (maybe) of England, I'll just keep my my faith (& also my fingers crossed).

2006-06-17T23:44:00.000-07:00

I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight

There're exciting games tonight I think I won't have to sleep. Brazil vs Aussie, Japan (!!) vs Croatia & France vs Korea. Guess it's obvious who I want to win each game. Seriously, I hope Japan wins if they don't they're likely to be out :( I just remembered there's english orals (prelims) tomorrow. Oh & is there training too? Someone text me please.

Mad, how is it going? I'm counting on you. Actually I've a backup. But how is it with you? Let me know between 7-8pm alright? Thanks Love.

This is so Soccer Fever (HOT)!

2006-06-15T19:51:00.000-07:00

Girlish laughs & sideways look

Imma feeling sick. The fever germs are floating in the air. My sister & brother caught it. So I'm trying to survive. I slept for let's see, urm more than twenty hours. This is so amazing. & I missed class today. Goodbye chem & bio, I'll study you at home.

This is a fast week (like a fast song). Bbq & stayover at Mad's residence was fun. The food we ordered online turned out to be good (esp the chicken chop!). In the end we didn't sneak/go out to watch soccer instead we'd this mini (just Carol, Mad & I) slumber party in Mad's room at 3am (the rest went home). Guess what we did. Or rather what Mad did for me. She permed my hair. The curls were overly curly & my hair was thick so you could imagine how bombastic my hair looked. It was really a combination of both fun & ny (fun & fun+ny). Carol was complaining all the way how horrible I looked with the major curls hur. I'll get the photo. Twas cool.

I bought preeeeeetty origami papers yesterday. So flowery so sweeeeet man. The hols are gonna end & i so hate it!

2006-06-11T23:33:00.000-07:00

Broken vows & hand-me-down dreams

Woke up in my worst of moods. No idea why but I decided to stay home today (not training since it's not killing my staf) to do some work with my books. Anyhow I think it's sad we're not registered for Under18. After the last few trainings I reckoned I wanna play (I'm sure the rest wanna). This is so boring/unfair/whywhywhy urgh. Sorry I'm feeling (foul). Btw I think the Japan soccer team playing in World Cup has many sexy&preeeetty eyecandies (good lookers). Give me just one, to brighten my day, will you?

Only thing to look forward to is gathering&stayover tomorrow at Mad's residence. Youknw we even ordered the bbq food stuffs online? Not sure if we're choiceless but we're living in such a Virtual World (eg: chatting online & talking to machines on phone). Physical proximity seems (is) dead.

2006-06-10T23:34:00.000-07:00

You shine through the darkest pits of my heart

So World Cup started two days ago. The opening match (Germany vc Costa Rica) was a good watch. The thing I must comment is that Germany's defence was so loose, the first goal against them was an open goal! The goals were preetty damn amazing & it got me thinking how those soccer stars got such strong (sexy)legs & power kicks(ass). I especially like the first goal scored by Lahm & the deflection by Klose if i'm not wrong. Sexy please. Anyhow, went to Simon's house last evening/night to have World Cup fellowship (haha damn right). The game yesterday (England vs Paraguay) was quite boring cause no one was scoring the only thing that made it interesting was the (beautifully) kickass corner ball by Beckham & own-goal (sadly) by Paraguay's defender. & the thing that got me watching were the two soccer-candies - Beckham is still ever sexy (& charming) and awww Owen is still so small & cute (I love him!). I kinda like the England team alot, they gave me good vibes. The two games I was supposed to bet but I didn't & I should have! =(

Anyhow, hey sweeeeets there's this annoying copycat (cheesebun actually). Seriously, after knowing you for quite a few years you're still the same old loser thing. Youknw who you are man I'm sure you'll be reading this since you seem to love my vibes. Please go do your own thing. Get a happier & more original life.

This was never more true. There's something wrong with our culture's way doing things. This is the evil&end* times & full of temptations (which I'm trying hard to refrain). Everyone's trying to imitate & caught between who they really are & who they wanna be. Everyone's falling into the traps of the World's Culture. Sadest thing is that changes in others turn out to become changes in me (frankly I'm still the same girl you found whether in an old pair of jeans or an evening gown). All if have to be is me.

2006-06-09T07:54:00.001-07:00

In my heart there'll always be a space

What makes life really happy & fulfilling? Well, definately not Mickey Mouse or a perfect doll house. Everyone defines it in a different way because there're different things that makes their happy pill. I asked people & I got replies like the right someone to love, lots of money, streess-free, holiday(ing), shopping & such. To sum up, enjoyment. But what makes you happy may not be what that makes your life fulfilling. & vice versa, what makes life fulfilling may not be what makes you happy (& feed your enjoyment) Of course I love enjoyment but some enjoyment don't make your life any more fulfilling (& worth living & proud of). Guess it's kinda tough to get both. & I'm unnerved by the fact that it's tough so I'm thinking how I can get it both in place.

Mrs Tan is a cool teacher & I'm such a cool student cause we talk bout the little prince & life. We dislike crossroads/changes & maybe have different perspective of happiness but I guess afterall, we're feeling women (I think I'm not a girl not yet a woman) who would love to make our life count & hopefully to share part of it (maybe not to the world) but to people around us. I hope I got this right. She got me reminded me & got me thinking. Well actually I am quite afraid that I'll fall into the damn trap of growing to become an adult (teenage struggle). Forgetting life's simple ideas forgetting who I am; what I should be, forgetting to follow my heart, living to the man-made belief/standards that determines who I am. Ruining happiness & fulfillment just to live/fit into this superficial world (we all know there's something wrong with the world today we're living on the edge). Oh Lord let your glory fall.

"For millions of years flowers have been producing thorns. For millions of years sheep have been eating them all the same. And it's not serious, trying to understand why flowers go to such trouble produce thorns that are good for nothing? It's not important, the war between the sheep and the flowers? ...suppose I happen to know a unique flower, one that exist nowhere in the world except on my planet, one that a little sheep can wipe out in a single bite one morning, just like that, even without realizing what he's doing - that isn't important? If someone loves a flower of which just one example exists among all the millions and millions of stars, that's enough to make him happy when he looks at the stars. He tells himself, my flower is up there somewhere. But if the sheep eats the flower, then for him it's as if, suddenly, all the stars went out. & that isn't important?'" - The Little Prince

Some food for thought yeah (Mrs Tan!)?

Premier league semi-finals tomorrow 7pm at Delta if I'm not wrong (according to Lam). Little ones, lets be there to watch the old (farts). I think they will fly.

2006-06-08T05:30:00.000-07:00

I'll be your number one with the bullet

I just had a good sleep. But I'm still so tired. That's why I didn't go back to Delta to watch the 5pm game. Sorry! :( Anyhow, was late this morning by the time I reach, Lam was done with the mental prep. But I did the debrief with Lam, Ferlissa & Weizhen. Seeing the juniors play, I feel that I wanna play too. Like Yingying, I'm missing the tournament prep & playing excitement. Sad thing is that we're not registered in the Under18. Gonna be missing so much fun. Left during training after taking few shots at Lam (Hey I'm feeling my touch I can hit again!) to meet the four silly(asses) in town. Cheat me somemore! Not scared you fall again ah Ber? Haha.

Lido then Mos Burger then Pacific Plaza then I was tired I left for home. I took this cab & omg the driver was an obvious pervert. He had Hello-I'm-An-Ugly-Pervert written on his forehead. I can't believe he talked to much nonsense to me. He even deliberately turn to the wrong road to talk even more nonsense to me. Such a bloody sick freak. So scary youknw I almost fling the cab door open & jump off (not even caring if I would meet with an accident). I figured that staying in the cab was more dangerous then jumping off. The reason I didn't jump off was cause I recieved a call & was talking on the phone so he can't talk to me. Twas such a bad experience.

2006-06-07T07:17:00.000-07:00

Look at the stars, look at how they shine for you

So yesterady & today, I was shopping all the way :) Shopping makes life goooood. I bought many things from head to toe - truckers (actually not truckers but a hot pink cap!) to many many pairs of shoes. Actually I feel guilty too. Cause I think my mum had been spending alot.

Today was triggerhappy. Went for the juniors' game at eight then home for tuition then out with Lam, Jennifer & Yingying. City hall to peninsular to funan to peninsular to city hall to suntec to Millenia Walk to Delta (for the junior's game again). Lam (being so annoying) was teasing Yingying all the way about being short. When she reached cityhall (we were walking around elsewhere), she sent Yingying this message. "You're too short I cannot see you." Both Yingying & I were laughing till we almost rolled on the ground.

Anyhow, throughout this whole week (under15 tournament), we (the seniors) have seen the juniors improving in every game & it's really heartening to see everyone with more confident on the pitch. But I think it's still not enough to be on top so keep the hardwork going! Dknw if any of you young ones would read this but always remember - what you give will be what you get. Maybe I'll be there tmrw at 7am to help Lam with the mental prep. But it's so early :(

2006-06-05T03:42:00.000-07:00

Where'd you go when you're lonely
Where'd you go when you're blue
Where do you go I'll follow you

Today was an exciting (& interesting) day. Went down to watch the juiors play their first under15 game. Though the start was rocky, they slowly picked up. 1-0 to our favour. Keep up the good work & don't make so much noise after training okay. Anyhow, went to Penisular with Felissa, Hanwei, Madeline to meet Bernetta. They wanted to get new hockeystick grip & turf shoes. Ber & Hanwei didn't get their shoes in the end but Mad & Hanwei got their stick grip. I wanted to see the Levis handbag & wallet but the dumb shop did not want to open. I saw preeetty dunks (not boys) Then Ber complained that she was hungry so we went to KFC/TacoBell/PizzaHut at Funan. The interesting thing happened. But first, I really must apologise (sorry love!) to Ber for sharing this but it's so interesting, sweeties you wouldn't wanna miss it, would you? So there, I'd no choice. Don't whine but enjoy your experience in words.

So Ber bought her two piece chicken meal & we sat down. Looking at the tempting chicken, Fer, Hanwei & I suddenly felt hungry so we decided to share a meal. But no one wanted to go to the counter to buy. Ber, being the sweetest volunteered to buy for us (as if she's so kind, she just felt weird being the only one eating & all of us staring at her okay!). Wrong intentions got her into a frenzzy. So after buying the meal, she looked so happy & was walking down the steps. Say, there were bout six steps. As she walked down steadily, I suddenly had this intuition that she might fall. So I was telling the rest, 'she better not fall'. Guess what, she fell on the last step & all the Pepsi spilt on her uniform. It was a funny sight we kept laughing. The interesting thing is not that she fell & dirtied her uniform but something was really coincidental. This waitress was walking behind Ber down the steps & holding a mop. When she spilt the Pepsi all over the ground, she immediately started mopping the mess.

Omgoodness, the waitress & the mop was like forshadowing that Ber might fall & stain the ground (she really did). Madeline said that everything was like preplanned. You should've been there to witness this it was so damn hilarious. Ber was all embaressed. The amazing thing was that our chicken was saved (Pepsi did not spill onto the chicken). We were lucky. Today is Ber's bad day she lost her less-than-ten-days old Nalgene bottle & got stained & I stole the ball from her every other time. So much for a bad day. Cheer up sweetie, you certainly did brighten my day! :)

Back to Delta for training. Didn't want to do the sprints so Lam & I ran six rounds. The feeling was good especially being absent on the pitch for so long. Training was quite slack we just hit around. Am really rusty now. But it was enjoyable. After training, we decided to drop by Redhill market to grab a cold thing cause the weather was burning.

Exciting thing was that we witnessed a real life scene of a police chasing after a thief (who sells fake cigarettes as told). Both the thief & police ran past us. Carolyn claimed that the thief was carrying a gun (how can he be carrying a gun in Singapore I mean it wouldn't be easily available. If he has a gun he wouldn't only have been a thief maybe some robber or kidnapper) & said that she should have tripped the thief. Anyway, was cool witnessing that.

Shopping tomorrow. I wanna buy tee(s), shorts & truckers!

2006-06-03T04:12:00.000-07:00

I want your corner in the pouring rain

I've been cramping for the whole day. It's really painful, so painful I left church early. I couldn't even sit still to listen to sermon. I was almost crouching the whole time. Can you feel my pain? I bet you don't (esp if you're boy):. My mum & sister are shopping now like dammit. I feel so poor thing alone at home. I wanna shop too especially when my mum's around but the cramps are killing.

So Jc(s) 'visiting' yesterday. I think we got a good impression of Sajc's school environment. Partly because it's new I guess. We've a bad impression of Cjc & Ajc's campus. Partly cause the buildings are old. Carolyn & Madeline feels that Cjc is another Stc. It just gives you the Catholic feeling & the stairs seems freaky ( when you're climbing up you feel like there's nuns holding a candle climbing up the stairs). Oh & the lights are really dim. I think Carol & I sort of decided we wouldn't want another Stc cause four years is really (good) enough. To study in the same environment/feeling for two years all over again, I think we'd dropped it.

Then we went to Madeline's house. At Mad's house we were lying all over her bed. Carol was in love with her blankie. There were feathers flying out cause there was a hole at the side. Kinda funny. We talked some rubbish & I saw Mad sister's Paul Frank bag. Though it's a 'crab' design I still found it quite cute. I almost wanted to rob her of the bag hur. Yesterday was alot of goooood (deep) talkings and I really enjoyed it. Especially on the bus to Delta when we shared bout our past lives & wrong things we've done. But all were past & was really funny when we talked bout it (esp Carol) Hur I know you're curious but I can disclose anything. Shhh it's secret sweetie.

Oh did I mention we took so many buses (trips). Like eight-ten rides. Never had I taken so many buses in a day. But when I'm with them I'm 'forced', but not a bad thing actually (save money for more shopping). I had this great urge to cab every single time we were waiting for the bus. Plus the weather was so hot. But anyway, yesterday was fun & I'm still cramping I need hot water.

You are my Rock - Hillsong United

There's a voice in the silence, piercing the darkness of my own selfish soul
There's a cry deep within me, a yearning to feel you
I look to you, Lord

I can pretend I don't run from the feelings I'm trying to hide
Must get the focus of me and my problems
I look to the cross

You are my Rock on You I stand
Safe from the storms that surround me
You're my only Rock, In you I can
Don't have to rely on my own strength.

God you're soveriegn over my life's situation. No matter where or what mistakes I've made in the past, You've given me everything I need to glorify You right now.
You are my Shield, my Strength, my Portion, Deliverer, my Shelter, Strong Tower, my very present help in time of need.
Lord, You're in control.

2006-06-01T17:52:00.000-07:00

You got me where you want me

Hello, so I haven't been posting for few days. Anyway was busy. The hols are a least bit of eventful. Classes from Monday to Wednesday & yesterday was in-house Chinese Orals. & today actually should be a "free&easy" day for me but I'm meeting the girls to go to Sajc, Cjc & accompany Madeline to Ajc to hand in dsa forms & to check out the various campus.

Next week & the week after will be a whole lot better it seems cause I'm not involved in the self-study programme (threecheershiphiphurrray). But that doesn't mean my results are any better so there isn't actually time for slacking. Next week & the next will be alot of eating good food :)

Am loving Yellow by Coldplay <3

Have not attended training since the last attempt of "revival" (helping the juniors with the Sevens). I kinda feel bad but I really can't make it today. Will attend more trainings next week I guess. Keep going, juniors!

Am looking around for a huge damn roach. Shucks I hate(sorry, dislike) roaches alot. Last night I opened my mum's room door & there I saw it I screamed & slammed the door. I'm afraid it's gonna appear anytime, anywhere.

2006-05-29T20:26:00.000-07:00

Music: Rag Doll - Aerosmith

Life is a fast ride/life is a standstill. You see the contradiction. Sometimes this really bothers me. But really, don't you find life like this? You accelerate then you've a sudden stop. There's something wrong with the world today, everyone knows & we're just hanging on. I don't know what it is, but I know we're living on the edge. A one way street but sometimes I feel I gotta go the other way. For now, give it all you got until you're put out of your misery.

Beauty in words. How they don't mean what they sound but how they make expressions.

2006-05-29T05:01:00.000-07:00

Tell me all the dreams you have left

So 70% of the chinese O's is over. According to my sister & aunt who went through my answers, they said that I won't fair too badly (which means there's hope hur). Thank God, my God was with me! Now that's left with 30% which is oral & listening. Awww how am I gonna kill for oral. Damn.

Great World City & had lunch with favourite girls & Mrs Tan (we squeezed into her car). Then to Saga City & Art Friend to get stuff Mrs Tan need to paint her homeroom. Jill was facinated with thick 6B pencils & black carbon sticks (that made her fingers ewww black & dirty). So she wanna do art. Ooooh Jill, service yeah? Hahah.

I'm feeling sick, so maybe no school for me tomorrow. So much for being frighten last night & waking up at hourly intervals. I need sleep.

What I do & who I am, that's all I have to give. What you get is what you see, no second guessing, no pretending. All I ever have to be is me.

2006-05-27T07:30:00.000-07:00

Knew that was over my head

Div1 finals result was 4-1 to Rec's favour. Chin up, everyone. What's important is that you girls played well alright? Good talking with Mrs Tan & Victoria. Went to meet mum & zoeleen. It was a wasted trip cause we didn't do much. Should have gone for dinner with Bernetta & Carolyn. All the best to all sitting for Chinese O's on monday. Blessed!

Somehow I know we'll be separated (is sucky).
I feel wasted (& tired & weary).

2006-05-25T05:22:00.000-07:00

Walk through the doors of my mind

So my mum texted me this: Happiness isn't found at the end of the road. It is experienced along the way. So find a reason to be happy each day of your life. Life is beautiful (still looking for the right reason).

Num 6:24-25 "The Lord bless you & keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you & be gracious to you." Rejoice because Jesus (my saviour) is good! He sent me an angel who's gonna give me good help tomorrow. The dsa thing is growing worrysome. With my current (unpresentable) grades, I can only pray that a miracle will happen. Keep praying for me alright? Blessed are those who trust in the Lord :)

Something interesting. I bought lots of junk food yesterday during grocery shopping.

Here are some stocks in the fridge:
1) Four tubs of ice-cream
2) Some Yogurt
3) Few cartons of milk
4) Twiggies
5) Chips and honeystars
6) Sweeeetes & Chocolates
7...) Many more

Don't worry, I won't finish them up. I will not grow fat. & Jillian can be a successful comedian. Carolyn says that we should hire Jill to be the entertainer during parties cause she will really crack everyone up so much so that no one will stop laughing (Madeline almost fell off the chair). The "rubber lizard in the cereal" - I will not forget. Gooooood times :)

2006-05-24T04:38:00.000-07:00

Who are you now? Are you still the same of did you change somehow.

I smell nice now cause I just showered. Okay I feel that I've alot of things to say. So today we had a talk from the Mind Champs team on examination strategies (how to cope/study smart). And I realised that foundation is the key to doing well in subjects like maths (which explains what I'm so bad at it). Much was reflected and learnt and words are just words so the only way it'll work is for me to apply it/put it in actions.

Went to watch the A'division Hockey Finals. It was really exciting. Especially the boys finals (which was a close fight). The way they run & dribble & pass & score put me in such great awe. & I looking at the skill level, I know that all that came from two words: hardwork & determination. So much memories came back and flooded my mind. Remember the things we do on the pitch, the painful & tiring trainings, mental-skills sessions and pre-match nervousness/tension. And especially B'division Finals last year and semi-finals & finale this year. Really, I'm missing the lovely pitch.

I dknw whether those memories will re-live cause we may be separated next year. But favourite girls, whatever decision you girls make, do it for the sake of your future. It's definitely gonna be a difficult/painstaking decision cause we're at the crossroad of our lives. Always know that beneathe all my 'whineings' of not wanting to be separted, I'll be supporting your choices. & I believe that our friendship will be long-lasting & will not be ruined by the paths we take. Actually I've been praying and weighing all the positives & negatives. So I've set my mind. I'm going for SAJC. Thank God for this beautiful four years that really changed me (who I am hates who I've been). If it's His heavenly plan from above, we'll be together (I'll keep my constant prayers). Okay sorry for the emo-talk. I feel like crying already, I really can't bear.

I realised something important today. There is NO such thing as I cannot make it or others are better than me. If others can do it, I'm sure I've the capability to do it too. Hardwork is really the key to success. I've been learning this tough lesson for many years. It's only this year that I came to have many encounters with the lesson of hardwork.

I can't help feeling wasted. But if yesterday didn't turn out the way you want it to be, always know that today is a new day! (Mrs Tan, this is for you!)

Above all my anxieties, sadness, fears, pain & insecurities, I know I've a glorious God. With Him, who shall I fear? I can just start crying now because of all the amazing things that had happened to someone so undeserving like me. Really, once you've experienced God's love & grace, you will be changed. It'd been mercy all the way.

2006-05-23T00:41:00.000-07:00

A call to my Guilding Light (prayer)

Three hours of intensive chinese mass lecture was good (cleared my many doubts) but then again, I can't deny that it's boring. Am aiming for an A. Hur. The Microsoft Learning Gateway (MLG) training was quite boring (once again). We didn't do much and I haven't completed the surveys. At least we were allowed to surf the net cause the teacher was a newbie.

Okay now I've been surfing websites of JC(s) and I'm getting 'blurrer'. I do not understand some stuffs. So if we're allowed to apply for few Jc(s) then I think I'll apply for SAJC and maybe ACJC. The rest seems to be out for me. I'll be glad if I can get into an average one. Hopefully SAJC takes me (as "promised/told to be").

Okay, be constant in prayer(s) cause God works!
Eh bitchass (youknw who you're), I'm wondering why you haven't texted me. I've given you my number didn't I? I need to tell you something but I lost your number! Hurry la preeetty face. I'm gonna take a nap now :)

2006-05-22T05:31:00.000-07:00

Tasting Thy grace & walking by faith

I went blog(s)-reading & it seems that many people (sec4s) have not done well for mids. Just calculated my L1R5 for my mids & I'm too ashamed to tell. So much for last minute work. I'm so disappointed with myself cause I know I can do so much better. I must buck up to get my As (which doesn't seem far cause I'm sure I can get it). If not even dsa won't be of help. The biggest problem (& worries) now lies with my maths. I'll be happy getting a B4/C5. I just gotta keep on praying bout it. Keep me in your prayers too okay?

Right now, I need to get my focus back cause my mind is broken into a million pieces in all different dimensions now. I can't think straight without worrying about something else.

Lord I long to see You Glorified, in everything I do.

2006-05-21T04:06:00.000-07:00

One more promise I can't keep

I cut my hair today & I cooked miso soup. I'll upload the photos soon. It's amazing how I can be camwhoring while cooking. Nevermind, girls shall&will be girls. So I shall be me. Make sense?

School tomorrow & I haven't completed my chinese assignment. I'm looking forward to the holidays but not the chinese O's. Speaking of the hols. I wanna go tanning. I've become such a white(chick); is my favourite show. Who wanna go tanning with me? Anyhow, I'll race you beeeeeeach (Marissa).

There's no way out.

2006-05-20T07:22:00.000-07:00

Bravest heart of mine

Tuition in church is looking good. Tution kid Issac scored an A1 for his maths (which means I'm a good tutor haha). But it's kinda contridicting cause I'm failing maths myself. Very badly & is so disappointing. Btw I'm gonna have another new kid next week. Thank God eh?

Just got home from shopping & my feets are dying :( I've blisters at the both side of my feets. & not forgetting the silly bruise (i injure myself, myself) that expended after rubbing. How painful. Anyhow, I bought my denim shorts so one thing off my shopping list.

The Div1 girls got in the Finals. Im so proud of the Div1 juniors. Pity we can't play cause of the O's. But excellent job. So everyone, be there to cheer them on. Next saturday, 27 May at Delta. Juniors, I'm so damn proud of you girls. Keep it up & get another Champs trophy yeah.

Anyway, Mrs Tan, I've bought The Little Prince book. Will be reading it tonight. & I want my birkenstock!!!

2006-05-19T08:11:00.001-07:00

Just the way you look

Belated (Sexy) Sixteenth dinner celebration with the favourite girls at California Pizza Kitchen, Forum. Hmm we ordered three pizzas, two pastas & nine drinks. The serving was just right I feel. We managed to finish everything haha. Well, with girls like carolyn around who can really eat, why not? Okay and not forgetting the photos we took. Anyhow, the bill turned out to be quite cheap (much cheaper than expected).

Surprise, surprise! Hitomi, I hope you like the panties card (I painstakingly spent so much time pasting the pokka dots). & Marissa, I hope you like the boots (Red Hot 16th okay). I'm sorry if I actually spelt your name wrongly. I must have been too tired, don't make me feel so ashamed la.

Ber&Car wanna buy dunks/sneakers with me :) Sloth must be a grest sin, I took cab again. Shopping tomorrow & off to bed now lovely.

2006-05-18T06:58:00.000-07:00

Running from the truth

"You chart the path ahead of me and tell me when to stop and rest. Every moment, you know where I am". Pslam 139:3

Hello regular blogfans (youknw who you're), God is good & constant & faithful! Today is marking day so there's no school :) Went for training (after almost two months missing in action) to help the c'girls prepare for their seven-aside tournament. & to find out how rusty (maybe noob-by according to carolyn) we all are now. I even lost my 'skill' of dodging (which I was best at) from the hourly pitch waterings and i can't believe I got wet. Hai, I think we look so bad on the pitch we don't even look like sec4s. How embaressing but quite fun actually.

Okay so tomorrow it's back to school to face the hard facts. & chinese intensive is starting. I seriously do not know how I'm gonna fare but for one thing I know is that I'm gonna fail my maths and it's again demoralising cause I put in the most or actually all of my time and effort. But well, I'm not giving up. I'm gonna be a fightstar.

Lotsa thanks to dearest Jennifer for the jar of birthday cookies. Not forgetting Shihui also for helping in the baking. Both of you are such sweeties and the cookies are yummy :D Extra good loving from me alright? <333

One thing I'm looking forward to is celebrating Hitomi, Marissa and my birthday (s) with the rest of the favourite girls tomorrow night. Made the stuffs and I hope Hit&Mar will like it. Haha my sister says I'm a pervert (so unlike). Anyway, it's gonna be fun (all the cam-whoring & laughings I'm sure).

2006-05-17T03:01:00.000-07:00

I know that you like the way that I put it down on you

Hello dearest Marissa & also Madeline. Alright everyone, I'm now at Marissa's house with Madeline. Mar wanted me to add a new entry (cause she's dying to read) so yeah you can see I'm doing it now. Mad's like on the next computer next to me and so engrossed with The Sims (business). When I talk to her there's often no reply :(

Okay, so after school we came over to mar's and guess what? We decided to cook spaghetti. Actually I was the one who cooked it. Mad helped me with some onions chopping and the lazy host just decided to watch csi and pop by the kitchen during commercial breaks. Haha both of them were so hungry they finished all the spaghetti, which also means that it tastes delicious. The next time i shall cook ribena ribs (yummy). Then after eating we watched a stupid show and decided to get ice cream but the petrol kiosk was under renovation. Haha, so much for being embarrassed and walking in blouse, shorts and glitter slippers yeah, mar? Haha.

So when we got back, we saw this broken sliding arm chair with one leg broken. I sat on it but nothing happened. Then i stole mar's good chair and so she sat on the broken one. Suddenly, bombgbbombush. & we saw Mar on the floor. Guess what? Another leg broke and now we have left a three legged arm chair lying on the ground. Quite a funny scene. I can still laugh.

Anyway, Glory to God! Cause I see improvments in my english and chinese SA1 grades. Although it's not distinctions (B range), but i thank God for His grace to such an undeserving wretch like me. It's a great encouragement cause I predicted worser results. But like I always say, Rejoice in Hope because God is good & faithful all the time. & to those who've been interceding for me, thanks a lot and please continue praying. This is so my year to glorify God's name.

Ps: Jook just asked me to pray for him.

2006-05-16T00:23:00.000-07:00

Banging for a second chance,

I just got home. Went to town with Diana to look for her clutch bag but we didn't find anything she like. Hey I found some nice new clothes I'm so gonna buy ( haha shall lose some weight first). Then we walked to forum cause Diana has appointment there. I was lazy so I took a cab home. The cab driver was uber, annoying. Really, talk so loud in such a rude tone like he wanna fight. I was damn pissed.

Really, I wouldn't like to comment nor agree with mere sterotypes, but the service standard is really bad. Damn right. While the government is trying to boost the standard, here we have rude asses who obviously do no give a damn bout their customers. Like hello, so what if I'm wearing my uniform and taking your cab? So what if youknw I'm just a student? I take your cab means I'm your customer. What makes me any less different/significant (as a customer) than a tourist or a tai-tai? Well, I define good service standards as treating all customers the same and with respect.

I've been taking so much of cabs lately, this is one of the worst & most intolerable drivers that really made me wanna complain so much. More like bad luck for me that I took your damn cab.

2006-05-14T21:32:00.000-07:00

He will, she knows

This is really a random post. I don't know why I even wanna blog. I'm tired cause I slept really late last night. & to think that I blanked out on the Stalin question (which i spent most time on). Nevermind, just wanna say that history paper is omgosh and bio was okay except for how to digest protein and what's the function of pallisade and mesophyll cells? SIGH.

This is especailly for Marissa. Cause she walked pass my class and look at me with a puzzled face so I figure she wanted to know how my paper went. & I also wanna say that Jillian was shit high and gay (haha) for dknw what reason and made me laugh so much that disrupted my revision. & also Hitomi is the funniest cause she studys after the exam is over? Isn't that ultimate sillyness? These are my three favourite girls for you.

I'm such a vain-ass.

2006-05-13T22:23:00.000-07:00

warm from the heart

& I gave up shopping today to study cause I'm fretting I've been lazy, playing & haven't studied my bio and history. I can't belive I'm not shopping when my mum is paying for it :( Nevermind, I decided that exams are more important than clothes.

Anyway, I just got back from church. Didn't join the main service but helped out in the Sunday School. The kids made sandwiches for their mummy(s). So I stayed around to help (afterall, the sandwich-making idea came from me). & really, those children are really gifts from heaven. They're so cuttttte, i dknw how to explain. The older children gets annoying at times cause they'll be running all around. But the little ones (below three yrs) are so damn cutttttte. I cannot describe but they really have my heart. Especially Tian En. He's my ultimate sweeeeetest cuttttttest super little boy.

I've been a bad girl lately. I'm so loving Kenny Rogers.

Books now.

2006-05-12T22:26:00.000-07:00

Life's a fast ride & I'm on the front seat.

Hello. This entry is really for nothing cause my fingers are feeling fly. Anyway, I'm gonna make random shoutouts to those I miss.

Bernetta & Carolyn - Hello to the sisters, I really miss both of you. We haven't been talking much cause of the exams.

Madeline & Marissa - Sorry Mad, I can't make the time on both days. Exams'd really blown you away & i so miss you. Loyal blogfan of mine (Marissa), I bet you're reading this now. Don't grin & don't blush, but i'm missing you.

Majella - Hello sweetie. I'm gonna believe that you didn't forget me. I hope everything's well for you. Don't fret, just study hard and i know you'll make it. & you're not fat alright? However 'fat' you claimed you become, I will still love you as much. You shall date me cause i say you should. All the good loving from me.

Eleanor - BOO! Out out out when?

Hitomi & Jillian - Hey i don't really miss you two right now cause we just went shopping right. But seeee, your names are still mentioned. Haha. Okay, I do love you girls.

Btw, Kaijuen is in Singapore (for real) so I'm gonna bring him around later. Jillian! I really hope you can come, really. Tomorrow's a shopping day & i so can't wait.

2006-05-11T04:07:00.000-07:00

Music: Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking off her clothes - Panic! At the Disco.

After ss paper, was at Marina Square alone, then Suntec City with Hitomi, Jillian, Jorain, Rina, Valarie and Yingjie lunch at Kuishinbo, being nonsensical with the 'fake'(haha) green tea ice cream, the many fifty dollars photo. Then to the toy place with many machines. Those that you put one dollar and the toy will come out in a ball. Jorain was trying to get Stitch but every single creature came out except for Stitch. Seems like when you want something so much you somehow just can't really get it. We spent fourteen dollars on those ball things. And then to Hello Kitty and then being crazy taking photos with Doremon.

Then was Nike Bird store. There was new nice pink dunks. New balance and Hitomi bought shorts, Guess and we saw nice fruity handbag which looks good on Jillian, La Senza & the preeeetty thongs & cherry, pokkadots & ribbons bras, Ralph Lauren omg my preeeeetty $145 flower top, Topshirt and bought undies with Jill. Then to Marina Square again. Ms Selfridge where Jill fell in love with the huge vintage shades (too big for you la, Jill.), Topshop and Jill&I bought damn nice undies, Nike (again), Zara, Mango and really tired so we went home.

After so much shopping, youknw what? We burn lots of calories (according to Hitomi) and I'm so tempted to draw more money (my bank account is sizzling). Conclude: I feel so fat I'm gonna start my 'routine'. & worst of all, i'm beginning to be a greedy girl all over again.

Now on my new shopping list, i have:
1) Ralph Lauren flower top
2) Denim shorts
3) Sneakers/dunks
4) La Senza Cherry&Ribbon bra
5) Nike shirt
6) Perm my hair

Hey my birthday was just urm four days ago but it wouldn't be late if you wanna get me any of those mentioned above (tell me if you want) haha. So, I walked like for seven hours and I'm now tired. Tonight will be watching TV and good long sleep which I'm deprived of for the past days.

Anyway, i need some quiet time alone and also some with God, really. In the midst of everything good and bad, I seem to have lost myself. I need to find myself again before I go on studying properly during the June hols. Eh, don't worry this is not scary, I'm not on spell. Something is just missing, youknw those sort of feeling?

Last thing before i end, New Urban Male shopkeepers are seriously HOT.

2006-05-09T21:28:00.000-07:00

chase you round the memories

This week'd been a horror. Seriously, even though only three days had passed, i feel like it'd been a long long time. I don't think i'm gonna do well and it's a letdown. Fwreeeeaking killer tough papers /: I dknw how i'm gonna last till next wednesday.

I've not been studying well ever since the mids started. All i think of is rest and sleep. Really need time to recharge before i start steadily again. I'm tired but i don't wanna lose the fight. I just hope God will fight this with me. I thank the many people who're interceding for me. And God is truly amazing, His words always comes so timely:

"Do not be afaird nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God's." 2 Chorinthians 20:15

I ate Macs today for the first time in close to a year. Good talking with Beatrice. I'm so gonna sleep immediately tomorrow the moment i get home. Friday is a holiday, like omg HURRAYYAY :)

& I just realise there're actually alot of May babies.

2006-05-08T01:45:00.000-07:00

banging for a second chance

hello marissa! i just found out that you're my number 1 blog fan. i can't believe you're so loyal in reading my blog. or are you just waiting for juicy gossips (i don't gossipa anymore i think)? you're a funny girl.

okay my gossip topic for today: bernetta.

bernetta was walking pass my class after literature paper:
ber: hello! -gives a huge garfield smile
char: wth. you can still smile when you forgot about my birthday?
ber: oh no. i forgot. sorry sorry. -comes to "hug" me
char: go away la. i hate(haha) you! i hope you fail your physics.
ber: weeeeei. you curse me fail my physics.
then i laugh like crazy and ber ran away.

and being so sweet ber texted me after the phy paper. she said sorry she forgoten happy belated birthday and she promise she'll remember next year. she's sad that i "cursed" her to fail physics and she thinks she'll fail cause the paper was tough. then being soft-hearted, i said i was just kidding (haha). alright, ber! don't worrry, you won't fail and i love you more than ever! <3

weixuan and nikki were being sweethearts too. they gave me a lime-green birthday board. they said i was of legal age to have sex (omg). but anyhow, thanks sweeties :)

marissa, did i entertain you?

2006-05-06T19:12:00.000-07:00

everyday i'm searching for

hello, so happy sixteenth birthday to myself :/ and i swear it isn't least bit of sweet :( i wonder why people say sixteen is sweet. sixteen is like a so wrong year, at least for me. i didn't go to church and i stayed at home (now) to study. anyway, gelare with carolyn last night was good. we were at gelare but funny thing was that we didn't eat waffles. hahah.

tsk i'm still waiting for bernetta, jillian, madeline and marissa's greetings. hur i will kill them if they ever forget. and it's sad i shall not complain cause many unexpected people remembered my birthday. people like old churchies, obs msia friends, hannah and even weiloong. thank you sweetest/most thoughtful juniors, xinni and bubu.

oh gosh, Mrs Tan is the sweeeeetest/cooooolest teacher you can ever get.

Mrs Tan's emailed me (i hope you don't mind me posting):

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOODnessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!! I am chatting with a birthday girlie???????????????????? oooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN....

Happy 16th Birthday Sweetie!!!!!!!!! first is 16th....then 18th....then 21st....then....you don't wish to count anymore :) hehehee.

Enjoy your 16th year as its once in a lifetime.
Every year will have its own sweetness, its own challenges.
Live each day so that you'll never regret,
and never wish you would want to relive it again...

Have the greatest day today.....you can celebrate your big day with PAP's victory at the elections :) How are you going to spend your day?

do you know that a secret????????
the secret is...
Everyday is my birthday :)
That's how i wanna live my life.

God bless you abundantly Charisa! HUGS.

btw, nikki, if you're reading this, please email mrs tan the hockey shirt designs asap (now) alright? cause she's meeting the tshirt man tmrw. and the money for the birks tomorrow yeah. thanks girl.

okay, i shall count my blessings :) i wanna parrrrrty but i'm gonna study now. Blessed, everyone.

2006-05-05T04:23:00.000-07:00

living for a cause

i don't want to be different, but i am just different.

i was fretting through chinese paper 2. i've never done such a difficult chinese paper, never. paper 1 was managable. oh no paper 2 was screwed. and i just realised today's chinese paper was actually the chinese prelims. hur thanks jill&hit for telling me. but well, prelim is just a 'big' word. i guess it won't affect our first three months intake since our actual chinese results (first try) be come way before our prelims. i hope i can make it in the first try. don't wanna waste my time retaking.

i just can't keep my disappointment. each day i think back. i get more bitter. seems like the whole world was a beautiful lie, or was it all along an ugly truth i'd been too naive to notice. now that's left with six friends bercarolhitjillmadmar i'm not disappointed with. and really, i Praise God for the six. i'll keep them close. meanwhile, i can't wait to leave this superficial hellhole. i can't wait longer.

this is a rough and critical phase of life. each day i tell myself i'm living for a cause. i'm painfully different, living to glorify God's name. Jesus, everyday when i feel my world falling, i just wanna quieten down and live each second for You.

it's friday and i'm lovinnnnng <3
alright goodbye, i shall start studying now :(

2006-05-03T20:34:00.000-07:00

Yielding to the Supernatural guildance of God
yields Supernatural results authored by God

maths was unexpected. i never thought that locus and cumulative-graph would be tested for paper 1. but you see, in life, least expected things happens. anyway, it wasn't a difficult paper but i think i will still fail. not horribly but slightly. but i'm glad cause i feel there's already improvenments (considering my maths is how poor), and best of all, maths paper 1, is so damn over.

period.

2006-05-03T01:07:00.000-07:00

in a world of lies, You are the truth

marissa says i blog everyday and she's reading my blog now, so hello favourite girl :) but sorry mar, you're not the star today.

the star of the day is TOASTER FELICIA SOH.
Happy Fifteenth Birthday, Love. girl, how've you grown! you've been a great junior for the past two years and counting third. bdiv was a bliss with you. thanks for all your encouragements alright? i promise i'll continue to be there to give you advice as long as i live. okay okay, shopping and nightout soon, i promise. my wish for you is priceless: to grow preeeeettier each day :D

maths paper tomorrow and i'm kinda freaked. it's my weakest and most dreaded subject. well i guess i've done my part in practicing (very hard) last year's work so i'll just do my Best and let God decide how i'll fare. afterall, only God can create miracles and hope for me. plus i'm gonna keep my little faith cause i've already commited my studies to God and i told him wanna study hard not just for myself, but to share a part of my life with others when i grow up, and most importantly; to Glorify His Name.

to all mugging now (esp those doing last minute revisions), don't mugg the books. study smart. Blessings to all :)

2006-05-02T00:45:00.000-07:00

nevermind what people say

practical was okay. quite easy but i dknw whether the cation is ammonium, aluminium or lead II. i hope it's ammonium cause i wrote that. btw, jennifer said her buns didn't drop haha (so lucky).

other than running the race of revision, life is a standstill. i miss my hockey girls. seems like after the season ended, we're all busy with our schoolwork and stuff. at least i get to see hitomi and jillian in literature class, madeline in history class and marissa in chinese class. but i get to see so little of carolyn and bernetta. like only during recesses and don't have much time to talk.

said bye to berneta and left for school, so i texted her:
Charisa: bye bernetta. i miss you alot okay. hope to see you more in the mornings and recesses. love you, favourite girl :)
Bernetta: haha. i will try to come early tomorrow. ok. haha. i miss the morning school talks with u all. hope it dun rain tomorrow.

why she talk about raining? we can still talk somewhere else if it rains. haha bernetta is random. but seriously i hope we'll have more time with each other. exams are officially starting in two days. o'level confirmation slips are out. the stress is raining down. i'm pmsing. i'm growing fat. how bad can this get?

2006-04-30T04:17:00.000-07:00

i want a day

sermon today was helpful. the way to solve human-relationships (conflicts, tension, differences, etc), starts from God; starts with love, acceptance and respect. difficult lesson to learn.

i want life so rockin'

2006-04-29T06:35:00.000-07:00

for looking, for puppet looking

headed to city harvest church this afternoon to attend my cousin's wedding matrimony. eh you know the bridegroom is so sweet. he sang this lovesong to the bride(my cousin). i think marriage is a sweet and touching thing. but i wouldn't think of myself being in one maybe for the next ten years? haha maybe longer still (who wants such a ugly thing like me):

hur i wonder how did jennifer's ballet exam went.
(that thought cracked me up:)

2006-04-28T04:47:00.000-07:00

naturally

dearest jennifer just texted me:

jennifer: tomorrow's my ballet exam and my mother is buying me fake buns hahah.
charisa: huh what fake buns? omg fake BREASTS?
jennifer: you're crazy sick girl. hair buns la.
charisa: haha chey okay take photo and show me.
jennifer: crazy you will laugh at me.

isn't this hilarious? hahah fake buns = fake breasts?
gosh, what was i thinking of?

2006-04-28T00:59:00.000-07:00

you've been the one, goodbye.

chemistry class just ended and being so lazy i cabbed home :') english paper 2 was set to kill. what is attorny? it's some sort of an occupation? i'll check the dictionary later on. paper 1 was pretty much expected but paper 2 was like gosh, the summary is so tough and tricky. i just hope i'll score well in paper 1 which constitutes a higher percentage.

cousin is getting married tomorrow. mm last night i was just wondering how it feels like to get married. walking down the aisle into the church with a long white gown and a veil covering your face (i hope you won't fall). wierdest of all, all eyes will be on you (the bride and not the groom). and i concluded: eeeeuk so freaky/scary. and that means, i'm gonna attend a wedding tomorrow for the first time in 469853527 years.

seems like most people in class are a bunch of slackers. no one wants to study on a friday. cheyenne is the worst.

charisa: do you study outside home?
chey-n: no.
charisa: oh so you can study well at home?
chey-n: no.
charisa: then? (puzzled)
chey-n: i don't study at all.

haha go figure. anyway, chem and bio practical on tueday. i decided to get the Pappillio Florida Virgin White birks. haha there's panties and bras, hearts and flowers printed on the birks. how preeeeeetty :)

2006-04-27T05:11:00.000-07:00

i can't give you the reason

tomorrow's the english paper. i'm gonna score this time cause i gotta meet expectations of others and most importantly, myself. i can't let myself down like i did in CA1. i sorta had a 'backing' up/reason for not achieving decent grades then cause it was my busiest tournament period. now it'd been long since the season ended. just revised my work and it shouldn't be much of a problem sitting for the paper tomorrow.

this is a 'fast' week, the days are flying by and the anxiety(exams) is killing. got my wireless network on wednesday. am suffering form severe pre-(yknw what)-syndrome and i need coffee right now.

woah good-looker :)

2006-04-24T06:14:00.000-07:00

no point in talking what you should have been
and regretting the things that went wrong
life's full of mistakes, destinies and fate
remove the clouds, look at the bigger picture

i just sorted out my notes for every subject and i'm all ready to revise :) my files add up to half a metre high cause i got everything intact. i'm so happy and proud i did. so proper revision shall start tonight/tomorrow. last year's work are cloudy. to all studying now, i pray for mighty strength to guild you through. keep the consistency and everything will be fine.

anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MARISSA TOO. girl, we'll celebrate together after the mid years alright? together with hitomi and i. love you a million cheeeeese cakes! :D

2006-04-23T00:55:00.000-07:00

the joy of the Lord is my strength

back from church today. am extremely tired. didn't catch a good sleep last night. i kept sneeeezing throughout :( i'm learning the drums. although i seem to have some hands-feet coordination problems, but hur it's cool baby.

one year old spiritual birthday tmrw (baptism)! thank God it'd been a year. early birthday greetings to, cyrus, jiemin, jeffrey, zoeleen and your truly :) may we renew our faith and live our lives with Christ-likeness and may the joy of the Lord be our strength everyday. Blessed are those whose Lord is Christ. Praise the Lord!

and how can i forget, early birthday greetings to marissa too! favourite girl, i love you! <3

2006-04-21T21:21:00.000-07:00

hey mama(s)

good morning earthlings. i just woke up from a long sleep. actually no. hockey bdiv dinner yesterday night was good. feels like last year. we see captain lam and felissa lai in skirts woah. even skinny jennifer looking so sleeky (what a once in a life time please). and we took many many photos :) then we watched take the lead at 12 midnight at lido. the show is nice. haha dancing dancing dancing. reached home at three am and slept like a piece of log.

anyway, pardon me i'll upload the pictures later yeah? i tried but you see, my comp is crashing so yeah. i just heard my sister screeeeam. guess what? my brother's frog jumped out of the container. haha and i guess it's dead now. yayyyy! no more slimy frogggy :) alright gonna go to church now.

2006-04-20T03:22:00.000-07:00

each morning I get up I die a little
can barely stand on my feet
take a look in the mirror and cry

napfa is over and i kinda screwed it :( now i'm wondering why i'm not doing anything to prevent it when i know i could have done better. and there's something i'm so ashamed of. something is missing, the essence is missing. life, life is tough.

hockey girls, please email your hockey shirt desgin choice and also choice of colour for our school hockey team jacket to mrs tan by sunday, 10pm latest (check the hockey blog for more infomation).

school bazzar tomorrow. i don't even think i'm going. btw, buttons by pussycat dolls is a damn hot song. hur, go listen.

2006-04-19T06:17:00.000-07:00

Been flying high, you know how I feel
Stars when you shine, you know how I feel

we're currently passing the "warriors of light" booklet around the bdiv team to autograph for each other. as i read through what everyone is writing for each other and also how much we're grown/improved (according to ms martens), i just can't help but feel sad now that this bdiv journey ended. all the stuff we wrote for each other are cliche but so true. it's amazing how much we've gone through and made it in such a short time. from crashing our cdiv in 2004 to being in bdiv finals in 2005, to being under21 bdiv champs 2006, to being second-runners up in bdiv 2006.

honestly, i'm longing for the day to graduate (i still am). i always have morbid thoughts on what st theresa's convent had given me all these years. but now as i think back, i know it'd created a new me; the biggest part of me - the hockey team and i'm really gonna miss every little thing we do.

i just want everyone to remember the - the pitch trainings, the fitness trainings (stairs running/climbing, sprints and the ten times to and back the pitch), the malaysia training tours; johor, malacca, kl, and best of all penang (shoppings!), the friendly(s), the tournaments, the mental skills/preparations, the team talks, the goal setting, the game plans, the watermelons, the ups, the downs, the pain, the sweat, the tears, the scoldings, the mistakes, the failures, the hardwork, the determination, the fighting spirit, the trust, the support, the hope, the passion, the desire, the love, the success, the winnings, the dream team 2005/2006.

i don't know why i suddenly got quite emo about this but okay for the first time, i would say life's a bliss (the reason is you girls). Stick Wit Me!

2006-04-18T06:19:00.000-07:00

we'll never know

thanks nikki for the preeeetty blogskin :) i appreciate it alot! anyway, hockey dinner this friday and i'm looking forward to it cause, practical exam on friday is postponed! Oh Praise the Lord!

2006-04-17T06:08:00.000-07:00

buttons

as mrs phang had predicted at the beginning of the year, the stress is really coming at this time(month of april). i can feel the pressure weighing down on me. but well, it's not that bad yet i think. and till now i've been studying consistently but it's not my best yet. i promise myself i won't burn out.

study session study session study session. carolyn and jillian? we'll make it once every week yeah. say friday at harbor front? i'll try to get majella (girl i'm missing you!) too. and don't worry. i'll make sure we really study instead of talking. the life-force will come from me.

chinese mock paper this friday, chem and bio practical this friday and is the bdiv team dinner on friday too?

hurray we've more than enough people to order birkenstocks and we'll have our free shipment :) please give me your orders by tmrw? we'll place the orders this week.

2006-04-15T06:24:00.000-07:00

never, never ever give up

planning with no corresponding actions is just but a dream

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
Philippians 4:13

i kinda wasted whole my afternoon today. but then i made up for it. i just studied four chapters of mr yeo, nooooo, actually chemistry. only chemistry (which took me three hours). i could have just slept cause i'm so pissed tired. but instead i'm proud i did something productive. youknw why? cause i counted how much time i have left for mid years and i started to panic. seems like healthy stress/pressure eh. if you need some motivation you can always come to me cause i'm ready to rant and share my stress with you. i'm sure the pushing will do great. i'm desperate for a confidence boost so i'm aiming for L1R5 below twenty points for the mids and i don't care what it takes, i'm so gonna do it. i'm gonna do my most loved(hur) maths soon. so brother and sisters in Christ, pray for me yeah?

btw, who wanna buy birkenstock at www.footshopping.com ? if you want please tell me then we'll take the orders together soon okay (free shipment). must be quick cause i'm buying it as a birthday present for myself (how sad).

easter sunday tomorrow. blessings to all.

2006-04-13T08:29:00.000-07:00

i marvel at Your
saving Grace

the last supper was really greeeeeat! i didn't even think of this idea before hur. the food was good and i really enjoyed it. the sharing session by 'open doors' on prosecution of christians all over the world was so touching, i almost cried. they were put through great pain and torture because they were christians. but they held on so tight. now i feel ashamed because i'm blessed with freedom, with everything and sometimes i still feel the discontent.

God is really faithful. all doors can be opened through Christ our Lord. whatever your level of faith, so is the level of your receiving.

i'm catching a fever, so i'll be off to sleep. blessed goodnight.

2006-04-12T06:28:00.000-07:00

(who), so rockin'

for once, chemistry class was hilarious. awww do youknw sodium is exciting? mr yeo 'performed' the 'reactivity of sodium in water' test. first, he made us stand really 'far'(haha) away from the pot of water. then he put a 'big'(haha) piece of sodium into the pot of water with indicator phenothylene. obviously the water turned pinkpurple cause sodium is alkali. the first time failed but the second time we saw the sodium catch a small fire in the water and then all of a sudden, pop and ahhhhhhhh! the sodium exploded and everyone screeeeeams(!!!) at the state of shock (the true nature of girls revealed). hur, girls are really just girls, really.

okay there you go, i just revised my chemistry. aren't you revising too yeah? then back in class was even more funny. mr yeo asked if the sodium flew to anyone and naughty weiting had to accuse diana (cause she was scratching). funny class.

okay, no-training days are good in a way but also very bad. each day is passing so slowly. friendly game with sajc was cancelled, at least for the sec4s cause...i won't say much here but yeah! we really gotta study and we shouldn't be touched, youknw. hur :(

list of events
i'm looking forward to:
1) the last supper (church tmrw)
2) good friday (holiday!)
3) easter day (celebration!)
4) chem & bio prac? maybe not.
5) yingying's birthday :)
6) my 1st SPIRITUAL birthday
(water baptism btw)
7) marrisa's birthday :)
8) english SA1? maybe not.
9) my sweeeet SIXTEEN (7 may!)
10) definitely not SA1...
11) but definitely the june hols!

i feel your pain, i feel your joy.

2006-04-11T01:20:00.000-07:00

at times when i look down
and all i see is sinking sand,
i'm thankful that it's You
the solid rock on which i stand.

life is never easy. well, frankly speaking, it's kinda tough. it isn't at all fair and unfortunate things befall us unpredictably. happiness or joy seem forever to come but worries/problems are never ending.

then i think back (cause good friday and easter day is nearing) on how Christ had been crucified on the cross, and how much He'd suffered for an unworthy wretch like me. i feel that my problems are gone cause Christ had carried the weight of my sins, my everything.

btw, just to share about good friday and easter in case you dknw the significance of it. approx. 2000 years ago, Jesus Christ (son of God) was crucified on the cross for everyone (sinners) in the world. good friday was the day Jesus was crucified and three days later, which is easter day, He ressurected from death. Jesus bore the pain and thought of us above all!

sometimes i think i can't go on anymore but Jesus is my strength.
God is good, give Him Glory!

2006-04-08T04:31:00.000-07:00

Your grace had found me
just as i am.
my pain is healed in Your name.
it's been mercy all the way.

2006-04-07T05:50:00.000-07:00

it'd not been easy

today was a bad day. i was behaving like a bitch, my fault. sorry favourite girls, today was my pms/
i-want-things-my-way day. i feel really bad now, really. i promise i didn't meant for it.

everyday, i give myself new hope. hope that quickly this day would come for me to walk away from this. everyday i tell myself to be strong, i tell myself not to cry. i hate insecurities. but it seems, i can't find a way out.

'if you cry, your life will always be sad. it's useless to cry. your tears do not wash away your sorrows. they feed someone else's joy. and that is why you must learn to swollow your own tears'. that is why i don't cry so no one knows my misery. who knows? only God knows. i'm so used to it, i tell you, swollowing tears is easy but swallowing your own misery time and time again isn't.

growing up, makes me tired.
in fact, it's killing
everything in me.

2006-04-05T04:56:00.000-07:00

strength

when i feel down i look to you
when i feel low your words ring true
its not by might or in my strength
but by Your spirit moving in my life
cause God You are my life

for the first time in my life, i'm busy studying my hearts out (i'm trying to hard to). and i'm no longer addicted to this box i'm facing. i feel quite accomplished. please pray for me so that i can do vectors and finish my study for mid-years. it's really God working in my life. i promise when i collect my o'level results, i'll stand on the pulpit to give thanks and celebrate the faithfulness and glory of God. i'm keeping the faith.
Praise the Lord!

2006-04-04T00:06:00.000-07:00

(, dollface)

could i ever,

bacteria are gross things. bio lesson wasn't least bit of facinating, in fact it made me sick. i shall save you the agony and i won't make myself even sicker so i'm not gonna elaborate, hur. & now i can't do vectors all over again. especially the area kind of questions which needs the application of sine/cosine rules
(trigonometry, is my weakest). right now i'm caught between so many weak subjects. my time is running near.

anyway, you'll see me with my red hot paul frank watch next week. so if you see a girl wearing that youknw who preeeetty is. hahahah. if you see identical, youknw who bestfriends are. yes, hitomi?

sister charmaine leow nenghui, charisa leow SI hui'd been missing you, alot, very much. meet up realllllly soon! <3

2006-04-02T03:09:00.000-07:00

still

i'll walk closer now on higher way
through the darkest night
You hold my hand
Jesus guide my way

when i am weak You make me strong
for in the power of Your name
all things are possible
my heart will trust in You.

i love the weekends, i'm sad it's all over again. saturday'd been great. i'm loving shopping alone. i know it sounds crazy but i really do. it's good to be alone sometimes (everytime actually). i finally bought my taboo set and a pair of pointed shoes. oh i bought this damn sweet looking red pouch :)

bestfriend, the paul frank watch is hundred&twentynine dollars. do you wanna buy it? :D

had tuition today and i'm starting to enjoy vectors. praise the Lord!

2006-03-31T00:03:00.000-08:00

who glamour

music: crawling back to you
- backstreet boys

literature on stage today was a blast. all the preperation work during recesses and making props after school, were worth my while. goodwork on stage, 4A/B <3 peeping from behind the heavy curtains of the backstage, i saw joy luck club (& characters) come to life. and should i say, the most facinating were all the costumes. like really, have you seen all the costumes and makeups? they were the best today. old men looked untidy and wobbly, china mamas looking really traditional, everyone looking like wow. especially shoshana shuwen! boy, she looked like such a doll with her colourful long socks :)

did i mention i've been pinning for the weekends? today's friday and i'm loving it >3

where'd you go, i miss you so :(

2006-03-29T23:24:00.000-08:00

my God's plan for me
goes beyond my wildest dreams

i'm currently worried about some stuffs. cause with human strength, it's impossible to fulfil and according to human rules (fixed), nothing can change unless God's power & help (there's nothing impossible with God!). and i've a strong belief that God's plan for my life is beyond what i can imagine. but nothing will come for free so i must work hard for what i want.

in life when you feel discouraged, when you find that everything's wrong and so difficult and you got no one to turn to, quieten down and pray to Jesus. if you believe, the peace and faith will come. be still and know He's God.

"And let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not" Galatians 6:9

i don't care what may come my way
i'm running after You.

2006-03-27T23:54:00.000-08:00

running

another turning point in life. a year to make a difference in my life, a year to strive. a quarter of the year'd passed. now that the bdiv and sec school hockey career is kinda over, i'm getting down to books. i told you there's where i belong and i'm back and loving it (hur, i hope).

the stress is resurfacing again and again. i can feel the weight. you go imagine it. literature on stage this friday. i've been guilty not attending the meetings after school. i hope i can get all the costumes as planned so there could be a contrasting effect (chinese-american culture/dressing). i pray everything goes well.

period.

2006-03-24T05:50:00.000-08:00

blessings

music:
check on it - beyonce ft. slim thug/
where'd you go - font minor ft. holly brook and jonah matranga

i'll never forget
the strength you gave me

bdiv finals today. watching the finals, we all wanted so badly to play in it. we should have been playing today cause for everything we give, our play on the field, many many agree that we deserve more than a third place. but well, instead of complaining how luck had been bad, how life had been playing tricks on us, lets count our blessings! for fact that so much was learnt and experienced, that was priceless. bdiv 06, always & forever in the deepest pits of my heart <3

rushed back to school to meet my parents for the parents-teacher-conference. i'd such a hard time trying to get a dumb cab. anyway, i'm happy i didn't get any bad comments. i had good, encouraging comments btw. i'll continue to study hard :)

girls, i'm uploading all the photos (& editing it) so i'll take some time okay? don't rush me! check my blog for more updates :)

2006-03-22T04:41:00.000-08:00

dream team

don't let fear get into
the way of your dreams

today marks an end to the most anticipated season. also the most bittersweet one. today was the last game of this season and also the last game we have together as a team. we fought hard against northland, perservered and we went into golden goal and penalty flicks without fear; just giving our best. final score was 2-1 to our favour. we really picked ourselves up from the last game and played a very much better game today. forwards were fast in getting to the ball first, midfields were great in forming triangles, intercepting passes and sending good balls into the 'd'. defenders were disciplined in marking players tight, making really quick clears and sending accurate sixteen yard balls. xinni is really queen of the 'd'. fantastic saves, lam!

we really did chase our dream - much hardwork was put in, perserverance and the undying passion for hockey and love for the team. we fought hard and came this far i'm really proud of ourselves. when everything ends, i just want you to remember the goodness you see in each other, the faith we had in each other, the believing that held us together. one aim, one heart, one goal.

and like mrs tan said during teamtalk before the game. for all the effort, hardwork and undying perserverance we put in, we don't deserve a third or a forth place. and what motivates me to fight harder was the fact that she said we should prove others wrong and show them what we're really made of. that when people watch the game, they would agree that it's a pity that this team's not in the finals.

but well, but i guess that's how life is. a good and hard lesson learnt. in life you just gotta take things in your stride. seldom, things will turn out perfect or the way you want it. there will be times when you think we deserve better but fate loves to play us and that's not within our control. just give the best you have in everything you do. if you care about every single little insult people make on you, you would have a real bitter life. one life, live it fulfillingly :)

four years of playing hockey, i learnt not just about the game, but so much more about myself and life. life's a choice. it's how you shape it. i admit, i was really playful and naive when i was in lower sec. i did stupid things i almost got kicked out of the team by ms martens who was so angry with me. i still remember, it was mrs suppiah who gave me another chance. rightfully, i must thank her cause if it wasn't for her, i won't be here today.

i was really playful and bitchy and i really wasted my years. now i look back and like my daddy says, my stress now was all pre-caused by myself cause i've weak foundation especially in maths. i don't agree what some people think of me, that i'm not cut out for studying. but seriously, the books are where i should belong. now that the season's over, i'm determine to get my heart and mind down to studying. i'm giving my best shot this time. i've so much to catch up cause i'm aiming for a jc. i've talked to my parents and i'll most probably apply dsa into sajc for the first three months. i'll study hard and make sure my final result will meet the jc requirements. i'll do just right the things you think i can't do.

and because i've an almighty God above (nothing is impossible in Him, amen!), i know that He'll bring me through the most difficult time and i'll keep the faith and give glory to His name!

bestfriend, it's time get our red paul frank watch!

2006-03-20T23:46:00.000-08:00

learn

when i was young and naive, my daddy stuck a poster on my wall. it goes like this:

when you make a mistake, there are only three things you can do about it -1. ADMIT IT
2. LEARN FROM IT &
3. DON'T REPEAT IT

right now, i can't explain the bitterness. i dknw how to put my words but i'll say it in the nicest way possible. i'm really disappointed with the lost. but i really did gave everything i have, my best and i've no regrets. that was the only reason why i walked out of the pitch, satisfied with myself, knowing that i gave my best.

and then today i woke up sick and i missed school. as i lie in bed, i thought of the game and the conversation with carolyn, and started to feel so bitter. if everyone gave their best and we lost, i would be so damn proud because we've reached our limits and there was nothing more we can give. the seniors watching the game saw that some of us didn't play our best and they even felt that some of us gave up (esp during second-half). some of us felt so too. was it true? only youknw if you've given your best and if you did, i don't see why we shouldn't be proud of ourselves or at least yourself. i don't agree that we were less worth of winning than st nicks yesterday because we trained so hard and are just so close to where we wanna be. most importantly, it wasn't the team's ultimate best. we could have played much better. don't you all agree?

i'm sorry but as part of the team, i really feel the need to say this. and really, i'm not trying to sound like i played damn well yesterday and the lost wasn't my fault. i made mistakes too but i did must best to cover for them. we're a team and we bear all consequences together. if you feel that i said anything wrong or offensive, please don't get angry or offended. tell me cause i'm not trying to put anyone down but i'm trying to get across the point that if it's true that anyone of us didn't give our best yesterday or maybe given up towards the end, we must learn from the lesson which we paid a high price. as long as we pick ourselves up and learn from this valuable lesson, we'll always be the dream team. you girls will always be the best team that deserve the most respect and love in my heart.

but, chin up girls. the overall performance yesterday was good. we managed to hold the score 1-0 throughout the game and the goal was only scored through an unlucky penalty. build yourselves up for the next game. we must play like we're playing in the finals. tell yourselves that we're not gonna settle for anything less and so we gotta fight hard till the end. tell yourselves it is a must win and it'll drive you to play the best of you. lets play like how we played against uwc in the under21 finals. last game, give it our best and enjoy the precious memory. we can do it. the confidence and pride of the team - get it back.

2006-03-19T04:12:00.000-08:00

close enough

tmrw's the day! semi-finals! :D the excitement's a killer. it just feels so good, so near, close enough to where we want to be!

bubu had been really nice:

VANESSA. says:
hey girl, play hard tmr. give it your all, i want you guys to come off the pitch all smiles. ((: i'll be awaiting those happy hugs after the game okay ? (: love you very much ! GOGO THERESIANS !! (: tmr's your day to shine !

VANESSA. says:
yes ! omg, im so excited for ya'll.

VANESSA. says:
i see the GOLD in your eyes.

VANESSA. says:
we're gna be the best, and nothing but the best. no one's gna bring us down. and no matter if u guys win or lose, you guys will still be champs in my heart yes ? : D

VANESSA. says:
me too, think tonight i wont be able to sleep. haha feels like im the one playing.

VANESSA. says:
haha, i dont knw why. i just feel very excited, like tmr's the finals alr

team, if the passion for the team and desire for the team to win still burns so strong in a senior, we should be feeling it so much more stronger. just do our best. the whole world will help us in achieving our dream. tmrw, i'll see the best of everyone.

2006-03-18T07:03:00.000-08:00

bliss

this had been a really hectic week. it isn't a holiday, it isn't even a term break. trainings on tuesday, wednesday, thursday and saturday. the friendlies were good cause we sorted out our positional duties and the killer fitness, although tough, we pushed hard and we did it! not to forget lessons every other day. i'm glad it's gonna be over.

just got home from ms martens house. we threw her a surprise farewell party. we mananged to keep the secret well for quite some time. as usual, we took lots of photos (will upload soon) and we were quite afraid of the dogs (esp when they suddenly started barking). it's sad that she's gonna leave. i'm really motivated by the message she wrote for me and all the other girls. i don't believe it's coincidence that we end up together in the same school, in the hockey team just like this. it must have been God's magnificent plan and His extra grace that brought us all together. not only do we have a team of hardworking girls, we've great inspirational teachers and coaches who guilded us along the way for four years. without their encouragements and patience, i don't think we would've made it this far. we're such a special bunch of girls that went through a magical journey together, fighting all odds and overcoming all obstacles - like no other.

this makes me damn determined to win the semis on monday. i'm all prepared to play and kick some butt. i'm sure everyone is too.

team, if this isn't our year to shine, then which would the right year be? remember all the things we went through together to make it this far? all the trainings (+ extra night trainings), fitness (so tough), team talks, video sessions, and even overseas training trips and tournaments (we enjoyed so much!). from indivisuals to a bonded team, all the bittersweet memories, it was really a long way. faith and passion has guilded us a long way. we all believe we can. have a good day rest and rekindle the self-driven desire within you. play for each other and for your love for the team.
GO GOLD GOAL!
we're near, can you feel it?

2006-03-16T23:56:00.000-08:00

pot of gold

music: shine - shannon noll

happy tenth birthday darius!
i don't think you would be reading this but, nonetheless, i will say this here. it's time to grow up and stop being naughty and annoying okay? loving <3

yeah so today's my bro's birthday parrrty. came straight home after school to help my mother prepare food. i was frying chicken and i got so oily. my parents left earlier for some function and i'm home with all these kids :( it's quite a torture cause i'm not those loving-children kind of girl (no one would wanna marry me upon reading this fact, ha!). alot of his friends came (none were girls, why!) i wanna see little girls in small tops and puny mini skirts :) haha. my sista's friends came over too, but my girls didn't come! i'm so sad. they left me with all the kids. they're all gameboy and pokemon crazy and worst still running everywhere, climbing and jumping on my bed, on my preeetty bedsheets :(

i just brought the birthday cake out and they sing and blew the ten candles. they've quieten down now, i think they're tired after all the hyperness (a good thing for me). that's how i managed to sneak some time online :)

all the children reminds me of the big family in yours, mine & ours. watched the show with bestfriend, hanwei & ferlai on wednesday. youknw they've eighteen children in the family cause both parents remarried. the father had eight and the mother had ten and that makes eighteen! i wouldn't even imagine myself having one kid. eighteen? you must be kidding me, haha.

i'm hearing some screaming and snatching in my room now. i'm rushing off now. good day, loves!

2006-03-14T03:37:00.000-08:00

warriors of light

you're looking like
you like what you see

hols just started and i'm kinda enjoying it. yeah there's still classes but it beats waking up at six every morning and having a full day, doesn't it? chinese mock paper was alright. but i feel that there are really too many passages in test. i always have to rush to finish the last compre passage. maybe the new exam format isn't really a good thing. training today was a friendly against victoria school. i shall keep most of my comments but yeah they were quite rough and, i think that's all i should say here. the final score was two zero in favour to them. sigh. then it was fitness, i think no one really enjoyed that. it was damn tiring but the sense of satisfaction was great after we completed all the sets of runs. i'm so glad it's all over now. i'm beat.

/ another victim of your fantasy. says:
shes a beyond beautiful
she never been no body's fool that you be stuck with. its all about me & you
believe or not this love that we got is beyond beautiful,

been missing you boo.
love you, ele <3

2006-03-10T03:54:00.000-08:00

heartflow

a heart can break so easily
friendship is forever
we'll stick together as one

three days of mission ended. much laughter as well as tears. but those crying wasn't for nothing cause i renewed some lost friendships. i'm really so damn touched, i can't explain. i wouldn't even be this touched if my crush sent me a truckfull of roses or folded a thousand hearts for me. thanks for the many friends who'd affirmed our friendships, here's my replies to the hearts and notes.

shenevie, you really touched me cause you still remembered the sec2 incident and you still feel guitly about it after so long. i never expected the heart from you. actually i've long forgotten about the bad past. i don't have the right to judge you cause we all sin and Jesus first forgave us. don't worry, you're my friend again! a special one. thurges, hey thanks for your note. it's really encouraging to hear that i'm different from everyone else. i'll always be happy cause i've you to massage me in classes when i'm tired. thanks for everything, girl. felicia, i was really kidding when i said that you've forgotten about me. we're really different in so many ways but you still have my heart after we parted to different classes in sec3. you're someone i'll always remember. samantha, really glad to hear that from you. indeed we've been through alot. those crazy times in sec1 and 2. still remember that time in sec3 when you did silly things and when we sent you to the hospital? we were with you at night. sometimes i wish i could turn back time. but maybe things had been better you for now. study hard okay? no matter what happens, you'll always have my heart. leilani, haha i didn't know i helped you slim down. can you tell me how i did that? yup i'm doing well now don't worry about me. all the memories would be kept in my deepest pits of my hearts. i'll still be there if you wanna shop :) zhiyi, i dontknw why, but you're this friend i can never let go no matter what happens. i'm holding on your words that i'll be remembered. all the good old times will really stay with me. i've seen you grow from a rude naughty girl to a more sensible girl. study hard okay? you'll have my heart forever.

hockey favourite girls:
ber, we've been through so much since the lower sec days, remember? so glad to have you close to me now. you take care of your knee alright? carol, i've never seen you cry so much before. i'm so glad you're feeling better now. stay strong alright? i'll be there for you always! hit, your note was really cute. it made me laugh while i was crying. you said thanks for being there for me and the friendship too. haha made me laugh. be sure that i'll continue to be there for you, always! jill, thanks for being my friend for four years too. you're special and different in your own ways and i appreciate you alot! remember to support me in the semis! mar, oh man this is the first time i hear that you love me alot. haha i love you alot too beeeeach, maybe even more. mad, welcome girl. the morning breakfasts, history classes and trainings wouldn't have been as enjoyable without you. like i told you, you're the one that make me feel so good, even when at times i don't deserve. thanks for everything! sush, i will remember you forever too, especially for complaining about my hard hits that kills you. haha. lam, aye captain! strong comments on my blog? haha thanks for your encouragements on the field and keeping me alert/aware of opponents behind me. yes, we can do it tog!

everyone, prepare well for the semi-finals. once we're through, our big day will be the finals! can you feel it?

now i know i'm truly blessed and out of so many people, there's at least a friend who'll always have my heart. i still stand close to the choice of having one/a few good friends who'll support you and be there for you rather than a big group of hello-goodbye friends - those who're fair weathered and hypocrites. don't you agree?

training was good :) i'm really excited to play in the semi-finals. we go girls!

sometimes i wonder why life'd been playing so many tricks on me. sigh.

2006-03-07T04:36:00.000-08:00

dear diary

reading the lastest entry on the hockey blog, i dontknw why but i feel so sad. i think it's really a pity that we drew yesterday. it should've been a win. sigh i'll let go of it and accept the fact now that the game's over. no point thinking about it and feeling so regretful. we all want to win but the strong desire will be the thing that gets us along. was talking to yingying yesterday and said she felt that crescent wants it more than us yesterday. is it true? we only know the answer inside.

youknw i learnt this during literature class and i find it relevant so i'll share. hitomi and jillian will know. we learnt about the strength of spirit, the human will is so powerful. it comes in both positve and negative ways; it can lead to success of destruction. lets look at it from a positive view point - no matter how much people encourage you, the only important thing that matters is how badly you want it. the hope and desire is self-driven and that is what will lead you to success. no one can give it to you. only you'll have it, it comes from within yourself; rekindle the fire!

i know it's painfully cliche to say this but come on, we can do it! we've gone through so much together and lets not waste all the sweat and tears alright? two more games, lets make it count.

you gotta believe
you made it this far
right now we're exactly where
we're supposed to be

mission starts tmrw, wonder how it'll be. heard that many girls cry every year.

sec3s hockey girls:
hey loves. enjoy your trip to taman alright? don't dread going cause at the end of the camp, you would love it so much you wouldn't wanna come back. rest your mind and take time to visualise the semifinals and come back stronger together alright? take care of each other. will be praying for you girls. come back soooon! :)

Glory to God, i passed my maths! God is good, all the time! :)

2006-03-06T05:35:00.000-08:00

heartburn

i'm kinda disappointed in today's game, especially my play. i started playing without a single fear and i wasn't worried or nervous either. then in the game, i didn't get any nervous but i was frustrated with myself. for letting in a very slow goal, miss-tackling cause i always anticipate the wrong move from the forwards and my hits were always intercepted. i expected more from myself but maybe like mr dankar said, i might have set too high expectations for myself that's why it's affecting me. there's alot to learn from this game. i need to take time to sleep on them.

on the positive side, i feel i'm currently playing the best hockey, considering all the years in sec school. i'm happy about that because it's at this point i'm really enjoying myself the most. we've cleared the quarter finals and we're through to the semis but right now we're unsure if we're the top of our pool. gotta wait for the results of the other teams to be out on wed. come on girls, our next game will be better. GO TEAM! :)

been missing you, shuping! <3